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|Tue, 05-12-2009 - 1:40am|
My name is Amy Lynn. I will be 29 ... well it's after midnight so today! LOL I am married to Ethan (29) and I have a 10 year old son named Bryan. Ethan and I have been married for 3 years in July and together for 8 years.
We started TTC our first child together a few months before our wedding. Which means we have been TTC for 3 years this month. We TTC until our first wedding anniversary with no luck. So we both went in for testing. Everything looked great and there seemed to be no reason that I was not getting pregnant.
Right after my last test, the HSG, I got pregnant. We were so happy to have conceived naturally and looking forward to our child's birth. Sadly I miscarried at 9 weeks. The baby looked great but just did not have a heartbeat. We don't know what went wrong.
We took a couple of months off to heal and started TTC again in April of 2008. I have not gotten pregnant again and we still don't know why.
DH and I finally decided it is time to seek help. I hope to make the phone call in the morning to the fertility clinic. I have no idea what to expect. I wonder if we will have to do all of the testing over again. I assume there will be testing done that was not done in our original work up. I just hope they can do SOMETHING to help.
It is my birthday and I should be happy as a clam! But I am trying not to cry. I am just so frustrated. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30. I don't know if I will even give birth a second time in the next year. My little sister is pregnant. I should be over joyed to be an aunt in October. DH should be thrilled to be an uncle soon too. This will be our first niece/nephew. But we both are struggling to be happy for them. I can feel my mother holding back her joy because she knows how much pain we have been through the last 3 years. My sister is having an ultrasound done today, on my birthday of course. *eye roll* She told me should was going to announce if it was a boy or girl in my birthday card at dinner tonight with my family. I wanted to tell her NO! But she seemed so happy that I just couldn't rain on her parade. Though she has no trouble raining on mine. Is it wrong to want my birthday dinner to be about me? I don't want DH to be upset and I know he will be mad at her. I just can't win.
I found out an ex coworker is pregnant with her second baby and her son just turned a year old this weekend. One of my current coworkers just announced that his wife is due in November. I want to feel happy and I should congratulate them. But I just can not muster a smile right now. I am sad and jealous and angry. I don't want to be. But there is only so long you can stuff those feelings down.
I just needed to vent for a bit and cry a little. I don't want the frustration to ruin my birthday! If anybody has any info on what to expect when we start seeking help to have a baby I would appreciate it. Thanks for letting me get it out.