A thank you and Buggie's goodbye

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
A thank you and Buggie's goodbye
20
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 12:54am

Hi ladies,


I am so grateful for everyone’s posts after we found out that Buggie’s heart had stopped beating and also after the D&C.  Reading all of your heartfelt words helped me more than I can say.  I appreciate all the hugs, prayers and healing thoughts for me and my DH.  As always, I’m so thankful for this board and for the friends I have here.  It’s amazing to have the outpouring of support.  A BIG thank you.    


I’ve missed chatting with all of you.  It may take me a bit to get through the posts and catch up with everyone.  But, I haven’t stopped sending good thoughts and prayers to everyone here.


DH and I have been taking this loss very hard.  And I've had a difficult time getting back into the daily grind.  I feel like I have no energy or desire to do much.


Physically, I’m doing better.  I’ve had really bad headaches this week, but they’re becoming duller instead of the sharp soreness I was feeling.  I’ve also had achy, pulling type feelings across my abdomen from hip to hip.  During my 1 week follow-up after the D&C, my OB said it’s from everything going back down to its normal size and as I thought, the headaches are from the crash in hormones, especially since I had been on the estrogen patches and progesterone.  The bleeding and spotting stopped yesterday.  Although, I did take a pregnancy test yesterday and it was still positive, although fainter. 


The physical examination of the baby came back normal.  So, now we wait for the complete pathology report with chromosome analysis, which may take up to a month.  We hope that they will be able to grow tissue and that we’ll get some sort of answer.  We have 1 more fresh IVF cycle left with the plan we purchased, so right now we plan to complete that cycle as our next step.  However, if we do get results and based on what they are we’ll have a consult with RE to decide what we’re going to do exactly.  I guess we’re hoping it was just terrible bad luck and the miscarriage was caused from a chromosome error that randomly occurred and another miscarriage most likely will not happen again if we get pg.


I also wanted to share with you what happened on our way home from the D&C.  We were less than a mile from home when DH woke me up and said “Look at that cloud, who do you think it looks like?”  I smiled and shouted “Buggie!"


Here's what I saw when DH woke me...


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What do you think?  Can you see Buggie in the cloud? :)


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I’m so glad that DH woke me up to see the Buggie cloud.  I felt peaceful at that moment, like Buggie was now in heaven, looking down at us to say goodbye and letting us know that he or she was okay. :)

 
Me (30), DH (30)  Photobucket since March '06.
4/07 & 5/07 & 6/07: Clomid 50mg - All BFN
8/07 & 9/07: IUI #1 & #2 with Femara - Both BFN
10/07: IUI #3 with Femara - BFP!, m/c :(
3/08: IUI #4 with Femara & Follistim - BFN
4/08: IUI #5 with Follistim, converted to IVF #1,10 eggs,7 fertilized ICSI, 2 transferred - BFN
6/08: IUI #5 with Femara & Follistim - BFN
7/08 to 9/08: IVF #2,10 eggs, 5 fertilized ICSI, 3 fertilized std, 2 transferred - BFN
10/08: IUI #6 with Femara & Follistim - BFP!, loss :(
11/08: IUI #7 with Femara & Follistim - BFN 
2/09 to 3/09: IVF #3,14 eggs, 8 of 10 eggs fertilized ICSI, day 5 ET of 2 blasts - BFP!, loss :(
DH's chromosome testing abnormal, moving forward with DS
8/09 to 9/09: IVF #4, canceled due to drop in estrogen after 10 days of stims
10/09 to 11/09: 4th attempt at IVF #4, 10 eggs, 5 mature, 1 fertilized ICSI with DS. Day 2 transfer on 11/14 of a grade 1+ 2-cell embie with no fragmentation.  Happy to make it to the 2ww and praying for our miracle.
Beta #1 @ 15 dpo = 152
Beta #2 @ 18 dpo = 690
7 wk u/s on 12/17: Heartbeat! 134 bpm
7w6d u/s on 12/23: 166 bpm
Next appt on 1/13, Please stick


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 8:28pm

Grace,

I can't believe that it really looks like Buggie. What a great feeling of peace that should give you. It was absolutely amazing.

I am glad you are taking the time that you and DH need. You are always in my thoughts....

maria-round-2.jpg picture by mbullion
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 9:06pm

Oh wow, Grace, I have never seen a clearer sign from a baby.

Remembering o

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 9:36pm
What an amazing cloud.

~Christine~


TTC since 6/2007. 
IVF #1 Jan 2009 - BFN
IVF# 2  April 2009 - BFN
IVF# 3 July

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 10:16am

Hi Grace,


I've been thinking about your Buggie cloud all day yesterday and today.


Me: 39, DH: 43


TTC for 5 years . 1 Ectopic PG at 8 wee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 10:38am

WOW Grace what an amazing image and precious thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 3:17pm
OMG Grace I totally see Buggie!!!
Grace, you are one of the strongest souls I have ever come across - you've been through so much and yet you somehow always keep your chin up and and your eyes peeled on the future. I can't tell you how much admiration I have for you. I only wish you didn't have to suffer so much. I think your Buggie is at peace and I pray that you will find peace too - and that your wishes will soon be fulfilled. Big Hugs to you - C

Mother to Natalie, born December 7, 2009 with help from Gonal-F injectibles after 20 months of TTC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 7:37pm

That cloud is amazing. I can't believe DH spotted it on the way home. It's just simply amazing. I will be praying that everything turns out well with your testing.

 Lori


 


DH and I are 33yrs old. TTC #1 since May08| July09- Dx POF|  Aug09- started Premarin, Metformin, and Lupron

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 8:54am

Grace, you've been on my mind everyday since hearing your news....I always wish the same for you:

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Faith (35) Matt (40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 9:00pm

Grace,


I think it was definitely Buggie telling you he/she is ok now and sending you some peace! What an amazing sign and goodbye. It was so special to read and see the Buggie cloud.


I'm sorry you're still not feeling well. I hope that changes soon and I hope you get good news about Buggie's chromosomal makeup.....


I'm thinking of you!


Lots of Hugs!!1


Kitty

Me-30, DH newly 34, diagnosed with PCOS in Nov/Dec 2008. 3 Failed cycles of Clomid. (50mg, 100mg, 150mg) Started working with RE Nov 26. Asked for & started M

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 3:39pm

This made me cry. That is surely a sign from your little one... clear as could be and sent with love.

Will say a prayer for you today.

Suz

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