UGH!!! (really long rant... beware)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2008
UGH!!! (really long rant... beware)
12
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 3:47pm

So... I'm like done for forever. I swear nothing seems to go right EVERY. Work is being crappy. They cut me to twenty hours a week and took my insurance, but magically I keep getting hours added to my schedule so I end up working full time with no benefits. On top of that, my bosses keep being assholes about it. Acting like I'm ungrateful for all the random extra hours that they throw at me whenever they feel like and expect me to cover. Ummm, I'm pretty sure I applied for a full time position, not an on-call position. The company even has me working at a location that over an hour away next week in their Showroom. I'm pissed! I'm not on Showroom payroll anymore, so no bonuses, SPIFFS, NOTHING! And yet they expect me to just do it.

Then, I can't get pregnant, but I keep having dreams that I have a baby. It's like the devil is taking his sweet time torturing me for fun. Here... have dreams about your beautiful, wonderful baby, but sorry... no cigar.

I know more people that are pregnant "accidentally" right now tham I think I will ever know in my whole life. As a matter of fact, I just so happen to know three Nicoles that are "accidentally" pregnant... that is just Nicoles.

I hate it! All of it! Besides all of that my dad's cancer is getting worse. We're trying to get him into a clinical trial of some meds, but everything just takes SO LONG.

It's all a cruel joke, I swear it is. I'm trying to find somethign to take my mind off all of it. I started working out more and training at our taekwondo school more, but I'm so out of sorts with everything that the working out is becoming more of an obsession than something to do to relieve stress. I even had to get put on a meal plan because I wasn't eating enough to be able to function properly. I don't like eating when I'm upset... which is the opposite of most people.

Anyway... I'm just mad at the world right now. I told my DH that I was going to go around randomly punching people today. Sorry about the rant. I just didn't know where else I could go to honestly just bitch and not have anyone get mad at me.


Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008





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September 2008: Diagnosed with cervical cancer and HPV. Cells were removed in two spots via freezing, minor scar tissue. Gave up caffeine and smoking.

Cycle 1: No O

Cycle 2: No O

Cycle 3: No O

Cycle 4: O'd for the first time! Took prenatal, fish oil, calcium, acidophilus, EPO and B-6

Cycle 5: No O, same vitamins.

Cycle 6: O'd late due to stress. Just taking a prenatal this cycle. Also, V8 Splash mmm

Cycle 7:


Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 6:44pm

( ( ( ( H U G S ) ) ) ) Sorry you are having such a crappy time. I would truly go ballistic if I had to work full time and get no benefits.
I hear you on the not getting PG. I was just telling DH today, I've been trying to get a job but nowhere will hire so does that mean I'm not supposed to work. I would say it was so I could be a stay at home mom, but, hey there aren't any kids. If I'm not supposed to work and I can't be a stay at home mom, what the heck am I supposed to do???
I'm so sorry about your dad, too.
When I get upset I don't eat either. You would think I could lose some weight, but..... NO, some one, somewhere wants me to stay a blimp. Thanks.
I hope that soon, you feel better. I'm starting to giggle thinking about you randomly punching people as you walk down the street.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2008
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 7:45pm

I'm glad I could make you giggle at least a little :0) I went to the gym and worked myself into a jello state, lemon I think :0) I honestly think I would have lost my job with the things I would have said if I hadn't been able to vent on here. Even if there was no one to read it... I know that at least I would have written it instead of making someone cry by verbally abusing them.

Anyway... I'm thinking about getting into the CNA program at our hospital here in Salem. It would require me having to quit my job though, so it's something the DH and I are trying to work out. I want to get into the hospital so I can find out what I have to do to get into the Birth Center and then eventually the NICU. I know it's not a place that most people would like to be, but if you can help save at least one than you're a hero. I LOVED the nurses in the NICU when I went there to visit a couple different babies. (Two different NICU's) They are just such wonderful, caring, strong women. I think I could totally do it. AND I would feel like my life was beneficial in some way. Maybe I'll eventually get into an IF field, who knows. I've just been praying about it A LOT and talking to DH about it A LOT and it feels right when I talk about it. We'll see where it goes I guess.

THanks for reading my rant though :0)


Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008





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September 2008: Diagnosed with cervical cancer and HPV. Cells were removed in two spots via freezing, minor scar tissue. Gave up caffeine and smoking.

Cycle 1: No O

Cycle 2: No O

Cycle 3: No O

Cycle 4: O'd for the first time! Took prenatal, fish oil, calcium, acidophilus, EPO and B-6

Cycle 5: No O, same vitamins.

Cycle 6: O'd late due to stress. Just taking a prenatal this cycle. Also, V8 Splash mmm

Cycle 7:

Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 8:50pm

:) After our bike ride today I felt like jello, too. If I don't rant here, then at least I have DH to rant to. Saved many people and jobs that way, :)
I think being a nurse is a wonderful thing. All my family was in the medical field, but me. I'm the bum of the family. I remember a couple of the nurses from when I had my DS and when I saw my niece after she had her girl I want to have my child (if I ever get one) there. I loved her nurse and I only saw her for like 5 minutes. They had to do the pushing on her belly after her C to make sure my niece was ok in there and when my niece started crying the nurse got teary eyed and started hugging her. The only problem in my senario is that that hospital is 2 hrs away and I live right behind the one here.
I want to help animals. That's as close to the medical as I want to go. I had taken a home study vet assistant course, finished it and got the diploma and even kept all my books to have the entire box fall of our trailer when we moved. Gone... We drove back a few days later, gone.... someone already picked them up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 10:01pm

Vent away Samantha. My MIL would have lost her head a few times in the last 18 months without this board. We all struggle with anger, sadness, etc whether related to IF, work, the DH or anything in between.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with work. I'm on the wrong coast or I would try to get you together with the recruiters at my hospital. Everyone is having a tough time with state budgets but I know they are still hiring in some areas. Deep breath...beat the crap out of everything at the gym and get rid of some tension. Truthfully, I think the only thing that saved my sanity in the last year was marathon training - it gave me an outlet and a distraction.

Big (((HUGS)))

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Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 10:40pm

Oh Sam, honey, I'm so sorry everything feels like its crashing down on you right now.

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Faith (35) Matt (40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2008
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 11:40pm

Ya... my poor mom gets an ear full about once a day. There are quite a few positions open at our hospital right now. We just opened up a new tower and a new birthing center. Expand expand expand! I've never even thought about being in any medical field until recently, but it does feel like that might be the way I go. I know becoming a CNA isn't much, but at least its a start to get my foot in the door.

The gym was great. I worked my butt off and felt WAY better afterward. My goal is a Victorias Secret butt :0) My trainer thought that was pretty funny. He thought that it was definitely a great way to describe it though.

I'm glad that I have you girls to vent to... I tried staying off the board for a while and look, almost went crazy :0)


Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008





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September 2008: Diagnosed with cervical cancer and HPV. Cells were removed in two spots via freezing, minor scar tissue. Gave up caffeine and smoking.

Cycle 1: No O

Cycle 2: No O

Cycle 3: No O

Cycle 4: O'd for the first time! Took prenatal, fish oil, calcium, acidophilus, EPO and B-6

Cycle 5: No O, same vitamins.

Cycle 6: O'd late due to stress. Just taking a prenatal this cycle. Also, V8 Splash mmm

Cycle 7:


Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 9:11am

Vent away Sam!

Sounds like everything seems to be going wrong and I'm sorry for that. I hope you are able to get your father into the clinical trial and things get better.

I'm LOL at the Victoria's Secret butt! I just ordered a bikini from there yesterday as inspiration to get myself in shape for a vacation I have coming up. There is no way I would wear it in public right now so that is my goal bikini. I figure if I'm not going to be pregnant I may as well try to look good this summer. We'll see how goes.

I can't believe how many "accidents" you know of, it still just amazes me. I'm glad you came back here to vent!

Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 11:14am

How about we walk around punching people together... we can take turns.

After struggling with infertility, we welcomed our son Noah on March 18, 2010! Formerly a teacher, I am now a breastfeeding, babywearing, stay at home Mom, and I couldn't love it any more!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 11:35am

HAHA.

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Faith (35) Matt (40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2008
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 11:41am
That's what I did... I have super cute black bottoms, so I went and bought two new tops that were on sale for like $7 a piece at Target. Now I have something to work for. I'm pretty petite, but just because you're petite doesn't mean you don't necessarily have a few unnecessary dimples, people just don't seem to understand that. I'm really excited to be working out though. It just made me feel so much better last night.

Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008





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September 2008: Diagnosed with cervical cancer and HPV. Cells were removed in two spots via freezing, minor scar tissue. Gave up caffeine and smoking.

Cycle 1: No O

Cycle 2: No O

Cycle 3: No O

Cycle 4: O'd for the first time! Took prenatal, fish oil, calcium, acidophilus, EPO and B-6

Cycle 5: No O, same vitamins.

Cycle 6: O'd late due to stress. Just taking a prenatal this cycle. Also, V8 Splash mmm

Cycle 7:


Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008

Pages