iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 9:03pm

My name is Jessica and I am 31.  My husband Jeff and I have been married for almost 6 years.  We have a four year old daughter and have been trying for a second for 3 years.  I became pregnant in November 2008 and miscarried at 8 weeks, which has been the worst experience I have ever gone through.  About three weeks ago, we went for a consultation appointment at a fertility center.  I was so overwhelmed that I came out of it not wanting to move forward and trying to convince my husband that having one child was enough.  He's not buying that.  He really wants a second, and deep down, I do too.  I just don't want it to be this hard.

Today has been especially difficult because I saw two of the women from my neighborhood out with their newborns.  I want so badly to be happy for them and for the tons of other people I know who are pregnant, but all I feel is sadness.  I look at their babies and struggle to hold back the tears.    I look at their older children and wonder why they get to have younger siblings and my daughter doesn't.

I love our neighborhood, but I often feel like such an outsider.  Since moving here three years ago, most of the women I know have been pregnant twice or are on their seconds.  I hate the pity they feel for me and I often feel like they are uncomfortable around me.  Is this normal?  Are women who get pregnant easily uncomfortable around those of us who are challenged in this area?  Sometimes I just want to move to a place where no one knows us and our struggles and we could start over and just tell people we were fine with one child.  Of course, then there would still be the questions about when we are adding to our family.

I have read a couple of posts from those of you who are Christians.  I realized tonight that beyond just the sadness, I feel like this has shaken my faith.  How have you dealt with your questions?

Thanks for any support.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
In reply to: mynabird_j
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 10:28pm

Hi Jessica and welcome to the board.

I am so sorry for your loss and your struggles.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2008
In reply to: mynabird_j
Sat, 05-16-2009 - 10:50am


I totally empathize with you. The situation you are in right now is a very difficult one.

I definitely think that some women who conceive easily are uncomfortable being around those who have difficulty conceiving. I work with a few individuals and we all started TTC at the same time. They are all due in a few months. Often I find myself wondering why that wasn't me, and did I do something wrong to deserve this?

I also live in a neighborhood where I am the only one without kids. DH and I moved here three years ago thinking the process would go a lot quicker. Unfortunately, due to multiple medical issues (getting off meds, getting diagnosed with other medical conditions, and actively trying) we have not yet gotten pregnant. My neighbor on the left had a baby one month ago, my neighbor two houses down conceived 5 months ago, and my neighbor directly to the right is PREGNANT!! Everyone asks my husband and I when we are planning to have kids. EVERYONE! We live directly across from a park, so kids are always out, and it kills me. I can't even sit in my living room without hearing their screams. None of my neighbors had difficulty conceiving. They just had sex a few times, and bang, pregnant. I don't think my neighbors understand how I feel, and that's okay. I don't expect them too.

Anyway, I don't mean to ramble on. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I think its great that you went to the fertility center. I know that those consultations can be very overwhelming, but at least they can find answers and help you determine the best course of action.

Good luck, and KUP!

maria-round-2.jpg picture by mbullion
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
In reply to: mynabird_j
Sat, 05-16-2009 - 3:21pm

{{{Hugs}}} Jessica

I am sorry it has been so hard for you to conceive baby #2. :( I know, and everyone here will tell you, that though the treatments and tests can be daunting, they are worth it if they can get you any closer to your BFP.

I definitely agree that women (and men) who can conceive easily are so uncomfortable around us "infertiles."

Remembering o

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: mynabird_j
Sun, 05-17-2009 - 1:51pm
(((HUGS))) I am so sorry for your loss. I agree that miscarriage is the worst thing I have ever been through. Especially when you have been TTC for a long time before getting pregnant. Then you lose all that hope you had. It is heart breaking.
My sister is pregnant right now. So it is like uber thrown in my face. I wish she had some kind of filter and did feel ... something when around me. I hate people feeling pitty for me. But maybe she would shut her mouth if she did.
I am sorry you are having a hard time. It is so hard not to be angry and bitter and frustrated and cry your eyes out. I hope that you will have another child soon. Good luck.

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