when can it be my turn??
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|Wed, 09-24-2008 - 3:22pm|
i am so broken-hearted that this cycle didn't work. i feel like i've been in hell for 2 yrs, with no hope of getting out. every time, i think "this was supposed to work". and yet, it never does. i am so angry that my body will not do what it's supposed to do. there are pg women all around me, and i wonder how they were able to do the impossible.
we started our treatment b/c of MFI. after finally coming to terms with the loss of no hope of success w/ DH's sperm, we finally had some hope again (with donor sperm). at first i felt that we were cheating by using DS, but after the IVF cycle didn't work, i immediately decided that it's not cheating. but i felt cheated. the deal was exchanging the use of DH's sperm for getting a BFP! well, now we have a failed IVF cycle and a failed IUI cycle with DS under our belts, and no BFP in sight. loss after loss after loss is too much. every time i feel like i can't get any sadder, and i manage to do the impossible.
this was supposed to work. we weren't even in treatment for my issues, and now here we are. it's all on me now. when can it be my turn??
thanks for listening, ladies. i appreciate all your support. i've just been staring at the board for hours, unable to say much, but getting comfort just by knowing you're all there. i know that we ALL deserve this to be our turn now. i don't know how i'm going to move on, and yet i will. tomorrow we go back to RE for baseline u/s and if all's well, jump into another IUI cycle. hopefully it won't be more bad news.
TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 2nd cycle: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), IUI 9/9, AF 9/24