WHY do I do this to myself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
WHY do I do this to myself?
12
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 8:22am

So, like an idiot, I POAS just this morning, like 5 minutes ago. Throughout the month I've had some pg symptoms; questionable CM, tender breasts (they never get tender around AF), little stomach pings and pangs after O, things like that. So I CONVINCED myself that I was going to get my BFP, but no such luck. AF is due on monday, so maybe there is still a chance, but doubtful! I honestly don't know why I do this to myself. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get my brain to be cautious. I could not convince myself to step lightly. It's so frustrating b/c as much as I want and need my friends and family to treat me with some sensitivity (some do some don't) I can't even do it to myself. Like Kristy said to me last night "I'm my own worst enemy" and I am. Part of me just wants to quit, this is just too hard, and the other part of me remains hopeful and says that with every passing cycle is a new start. This was also the 4th cycle since my HSG, the last cycle "they" say you're incredibly fertile. Now I'm counting the days until December when DH and I have decided that we're going to take a break.


THIS BLOWS!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 8:40am
Sorry about the BFN Roman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 10:00am
(((Hugs)))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 12:11pm

AWW ROMAN!!!! (((big hugs)))


To play devil's advocate, it may still be too early to tell!!! But I understand where you are coming from. Last night, after I found out about the girl from college getting PG, i went to a PCOS Support Group...and I allowed myself to get angry. There was an acupunturist there, talking about Chinese herbs and oils and all this other crazy stuff and I just got so MAD. I finally just blurted out, "this is CRAZY. It blows my mind that I have to take 20, 30 steps to get pregnant when some women just snap their fingers". It felt so much better after I got that off my chest. And I wasn't the only one - all the women in the room started nodding.


I think you should get angry. Give yourself permission to get really, really angry...but not at yourself. Be angry at the cards you've been dealt. Be mad at God, or whomever is running the show. Be mad, let it out, and then take a deep breath. With every cycle, there is hope.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 12:16pm

(((((HUGS))))) Roman.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 12:50pm
( ( ( ( H U G S ) ) ) ) I'm so sorry Roman. I also torture myself with the sticks. I'm not buying any right now even though I am late. Don't give up. P&PT
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 1:16pm
(((HUGS)))
  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 6:00pm
That's the whole thing. Normally I do wait until AF, but this time I was just soooooo sure! Quite frankly, I'm shocked it was a BFN. Anywho, I did let loose a little, I actually POAS at work and when that loner line showed up I totally chucked it clear across the bathroom! Then of course I bawled like a baby in the car on the way home, at home and REALLY bawled once DH got home.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 7:36pm
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 8:32pm

(((((HUGS))))))


Don't give up hope!!


I hate those stupid sticks.

 

Me36, DH33, DS4, took us 5 years of misery(tons of blood work, tests, HSG, many clomid cycles & exploratory Laparoscopic with ovarian drill

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 10:15pm
Just sending another note to let you know I'm thinking of youuuu!! :)


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