why does this have to be so hard?
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|Wed, 10-15-2008 - 3:54pm|
i had my iui on mon, and now am in the 2-3ww. i was handling it pretty well, and was just so grateful to finally do this. but these past few days i've been getting so sad. the stress of this is so unbelievable. it messes with your mind. since the iui i've been sure that it won't work for no real reason, other than having had zero success in lots and lots of treatment.
now our insurance company is penalizing us, saying we didn't have a referral when we did. it's not like they cover much, anyway. almost everything has been out of pocket (and we don't have much in our pockets to begin with!). after lots of calls, hopefully it will be straightened out, but i'm also worried that if they take a closer look at our claims they'll realize this was IF treatment and won't cover it (they've covered a few things w/ dx of PCOS).
i'm just so sad, and so frustrated. why can't my body just do this? i've never been friends with my body. always trying to lose weight, weight not wanting to come off. i've always eaten really healthily and never smoked. i haven't worn a bathing suit since i was a kid. and now i'm just asking my body to do this 1 thing that should be so natural. i'm not asking it to be a size zero, just asking it to do what it was meant to do. i wish i could be like dh, who doesn't take his MFI so personally.
anyway, i'm sorry to vent like this. i just feel like crying and thought some of you will understand.
positive thoughts for all of you!
TTC since Sept '06. Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 1st cycle part II: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), IUI 9/9, AF 9/24. 2nd cycle: CD1 9/24/08, IUI 10/13(CD20), booster hcg 10/18, beta 10/30 (if my body can wait that long!)