why does this have to be so hard?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
why does this have to be so hard?
31
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 3:54pm

hi everyone,


i had my iui on mon, and now am in the 2-3ww. i was handling it pretty well, and was just so grateful to finally do this. but these past few days i've been getting so sad. the stress of this is so unbelievable. it messes with your mind. since the iui i've been sure that it won't work for no real reason, other than having had zero success in lots and lots of treatment.


now our insurance company is penalizing us, saying we didn't have a referral when we did. it's not like they cover much, anyway. almost everything has been out of pocket (and we don't have much in our pockets to begin with!). after lots of calls, hopefully it will be straightened out, but i'm also worried that if they take a closer look at our claims they'll realize this was IF treatment and won't cover it (they've covered a few things w/ dx of PCOS).


i'm just so sad, and so frustrated. why can't my body just do this? i've never been friends with my body. always trying to lose weight, weight not wanting to come off. i've always eaten really healthily and never smoked. i haven't worn a bathing suit since i was a kid. and now i'm just asking my body to do this 1 thing that should be so natural. i'm not asking it to be a size zero, just asking it to do what it was meant to do. i wish i could be like dh, who doesn't take his MFI so personally.


anyway, i'm sorry to vent like this. i just feel like crying and thought some of you will understand.


positive thoughts for all of you!

ana


TTC since Sept '06. Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 1st cycle part II: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), IUI 9/9, AF 9/24. 2nd cycle: CD1 9/24/08, IUI 10/13(CD20), booster hcg 10/18, beta 10/30 (if my body can wait that long!)

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 4:37pm

Ana,


(((HUGS))) I am sorry you are having a rough time right now.

 

Angela

Me 32, C 34. Toge

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 4:48pm
thanks, angela. it's nice to hear that you understand. i mean, i know everyone here understands, but sometimes you just need to hear (or see!) it.

ana


TTC since Sept '06. Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 5:11pm

Oh Ana ((HUGS)).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 5:27pm

(((((HUGS)))))


Why is it that insurance companies give us IF couples a huge hassel but then have no problem taking care of those unmentionables that make bad decisions and can get prego at the drop of a hat??


Sorry....just venting.


 

Me36, DH33, DS4, took us 5 years of misery(tons of blood work, tests, HSG, many clomid cycles & exploratory Laparoscopic with ovarian drill

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 5:32pm
((((HUGS)))) The 2ww or 3ww is always hard and we all know insurance companies.
  

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 8:42pm

(((((HUGS))))) Ana, I am right there with you in the 2ww.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 8:53pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 10:34pm
So much of what I read in your post makes me think of me. I too have never been happy with my body. I suffered anorexia when I was younger but now I am about 20lbs over my ideal weight. Make that the medical ideal weight I feel 50lbs over. Me and DH have a few arguments about this too, he thinks I'm perfect. I wish I could see this.
I hate insurance companies that don't cover IF. Ours doesn't either and I'm hoping that we too can sneak stuff under female problems, not IF.
I'm sending a ton of baby dust your way and will pray this works for you. SuZi
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2008
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 7:48am

Ana: I'm so sorry you have to go through another 2WW! You've been through so much already it hardly seems fair. I am always amazed when I read postings that insurance companies will cover IVF and IUIs. The Army will only cover traditional sex and nothing more.


To add insult to my

Franklin and Callan

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 8:03am

Ana (((HUGS))))


I understand...our insurance company is also referrel freaks....they stink!!


And as for the body struggles....I'm right there with ya girl....I have battled with my weight for as long as I can remember...I truly think its my metabolism...cuz I don't eat bad or alot....I also feel like my body is always betraying me.....with my DH's MFI I kinda feel like my body should make up for it and be super fertile just to catch that one little swimmer


AF showed up for me today...even though I knew there wasn't more then a 1% chance cuz of DH's motility....still I always have hope.....


We are all here for you.....and I'm sending boatloads of baby dust your way hoping you get a sticky bfp this month....

Photobucket

Pages