Will I ever get my miracle baby?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Will I ever get my miracle baby?
4
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 6:42pm

 Today I am just so angry. I do not know why I have so much anger and hate and jealousy towards people with children and pregnant people. It is not their fault I can' get pregnant but still I hate that they are able to get pregnant and I can't especially real young girls, like 14 and 15.

I always thought that when you are young it is easier to become pregnant that when you get older. I do not have any history of infertility in my family so I am shocked as to why I have it. It seems like most of the people that I have told I wanted a baby to now have children and they did not even want them, but still got them. It is everywhere and in order to avoid it I have to just stay in the house.

Even when watching TV, I mute the TV and close my eyes when the pregnancy test commercials come on, or the adoption commercials come on. I hate people keep telling me it will happen when you least expect it.

I seem to keep blaming myself for this because when I was younger I always said that I never wanted to have children and now I feel as though I cursed myself in a way. I really do not know what to do and no one seems to understand or support me emotionally, not even my boyfriend. He tries to support me, but he just does not understand because he already has a child. He keeps sending me mixed signals as whether or no we are on the same page on this. I just think he does not not care because he has one already, so if he cannot have another its like whatever because at least he has one child. I even envy him sometimes.

I seem to now dream of what it would feel like to have a baby and become a  mother. My only coping method so far is writing. I am writing a book and hopefully it can help me express my feelings better vs. keeping them bald up like I do most of the time.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 2:01pm
Big (((HUGS))), amberlyncameron :smileysad: Infertility is not an easy road at all, and I'm sorry to see you on this journey. It's so frustrating to have great women who would make the most fantastic moms not being able to live that dream, while there are others that are not capable of raising a child having baby after baby.

It's good you are journaling your feelings, a lot of members find the boards a safe place to vent out their frustrations. It helps when you can talk to women who know exactly what you are going through.

Does your doctor have any clue as to why you aren't getting pregnant? Do you track your cycles at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 5:21am
I am so sorry. Hopefully you can find your answers soon. Not ovulating is probably the reason for irregular periods. As to the pain im not sure. Fingers crossed you get answers soon.

Dixie

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 9:48pm
I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm dealing with a lot of frustration, anger, and sadness over IF right now, along with several other things. We all have dealt with these emotions at one time or another. We all have these moments of feeling like we are the only one...but this group is proof that we aren't. Try to hold on to hope....and seeing a specialist might help you get some answers and form a game plan. Keep on journaling too....what a great way to vent!

Jemma (35) and DH, (37). Married October 13, 2007 and TTCing since April 2008. Dealing with PCOS, swollen tubes, and also MFI. Committing myself to getting healthy and losing weight in preparation for IVF later in 2012.