afraid to hope anymore
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afraid to hope anymore
| Sun, 10-07-2007 - 1:59am |
I am a new member on here. I have come and read the posts of few times but never felt compelled to post anything until tonight. I am not sure what I am looking for ....I feel very weary after 2 years of TTC. (We have tried many alternative therapies and now are on the second Clomid ride) Today has been a particularly sad day for me. I do get support from friends and my husband but there are times when no one can truly understand unless they are going through it too. I need a little boost from women who know the pain. I have been through some really tough times in life but this is kicking my ass! I am trying to gather the strength to do another month of this...after so many months.. I find myself saying I don't know how much more I can handle. Any words of comfort, wisdom or anything would be really appreciated. Thank you for listening.

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Hi, again. I am glad to see that you have gotten many replies and so hopefully are feeling better. Getting AF is the hardest time...I try and have a neutral mindset most of the time, don't want to be too hopeful, but don't want to be completely pessimistic, either. Another lady on here said it best, "I'm cautiously optimistic." Our time will come. It will happen. I just finished my first round of Clomid and OHMIGOSH that drug is crazy! I had hot flashes FROM HELL! I would be chilly, put on a sweater, the next second literally dripping with sweat and had to completely get naked. I may sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm really not. I have never experienced anything like that! Back and forth, hot & cold, all day long. It only just started subsiding a couple of days ago. And to add to that fun little symptom, I had to go in for an HSG procedure on Monday. You know, where they insert a catheter into your uterus and shoot contrast into your fallopian tubes to see if they "spill?" Well, they said some women feel a little cramp when they inflate the balloon. That pain was so intense, sudden, & sharp that I had tears rolling down my face immediately and started impulsively doing Lamas breathing!!! All I can say is THANK GOD my husband was there, stroking my hair and holding my hand. He drove me home and I stayed in bed the rest of the day, with a heating pad on my tummy, having the worst cramps of my life. So, yeah, this whole thing really sucks sometimes. It's no fun at all. Men get off sooooooo easy! Yesterday I had another sonogram and my RE said my follicle was "gorgeous, ripe & ready" so my husband gave me a shot of HCG. And our first night of making cookies (that's code). I guess they say bding on this board. So we're following the plan and will see how it goes. I have a good feeling this time. We've done everything right and they haven't found anything wrong with either one of us...so that's good, right? Anyway, I think I've rambled enough. Best of luck to you, and do keep in touch! I definitely know all the emotions you are going through.
Kim
Hey- thanks for confirming I am not the only person considering giving up on the Clomid!
Alison
My Blog
I know exactly how you are feeling, I have had a lot happen to me in my life. Somehow I can't get over this I am depressed and I just want to quit, but I have my friends and husband right there,but I just don't know how much more I can take. My doctor had me on Clomid for almost a year and nothing, So I went to specialist and he put a lil more hope there, The Clomid too was making me depressed more than I want to. He took me
I got your message just when I was needing it tonight. I was feeling down...
I hung out with some friends today.. they have 2 girls through IVF... they were very helpful and understanding.. and told me the same thing.. "Just visualize it and it will happen". That is so very difficult for me to believe at this point.....I guess its about faith and trusting in something you can't see..which is a bitch for most people..at least for me.
I understand the Clomid thing....I have had a really hard time with mood swings and irritability.. it comes out towards my husband most often.. which sucks.. cause then its like we are working against each other and not as a team..
thanks for your email.. and keep in touch as to how you are doing.
Jennifer
i know the feeling...this last cycle i was a few days late...well let me tell you i was scared! i was scared to hope...i was scared to even get a BFP, cause i pretty much have my mind set now to disappointment...i wouldnt know how to react if i got a BFP now i think...lol...needless to say AF arrived so now im at 1.5 yrs TTC...i havent really found much that helps...i try to keep busy, but sometimes you just need to feel things right. I found that the 9 mth mark was hard, cause i realized i could have been in my last month by then, or even a mom bythen...then the 1 year mark sucked cause then you're classified as "infertile." Now hitting the 1.5 yr mark hasnt really affected me, cause i think im kinda accepting it...but its very unfair...i mean i've had a rough life...i grew up around physical and emotional abuse...which caused me to be a shy and withdrawn child...which made it hard to make friends...and so on and so on...im very lucky to have found a man i love and want to spend the rest of my life with...not everyone finds that...so as much as i want to experience childbirth, if i'm not meant to, then i'll thank my lucky stars for craig and adopt!
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"I realize fertility's not a given, it's a gift" - Martie Maguire (Dixie Chicks)
Hayzen was born July 9, 2008, after 19 mths TTC! He was worth the wait, we're so bless
Hi sweetie. I was in your shoes for over 3 years of TTC. I just graduated from this board 15 weeks ago when we found out we were PG. I have endo and lost my right ovary and tube in surgery 2 years ago. We went through 4 clomid rounds and 3 IUIs with no success. We gave up the infertility treatments due to stress and $$. That was in July 2006. Then this July 2007 by the grace of God we conceived on our own with 1 ovary and tube. I am still in shock. After all those months of it not working. God decided it was time. I don't know why and will never understand why He chose now, but He did. I am still in shock. I KNOW your pain and it HURTS more than anything else in this world. I have cried your same tears many many years and when AF shows up, it's devastating. Hang in there. I never thought this would happen to me with my medical issues, but God is bigger than any issue we have. Stay strong and e-mial me if you need anything.
Kelly
keep your head up and keep trooping. It will be worth it in the end.
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