Another Negative Pregnancy Test

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Another Negative Pregnancy Test
2
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 7:58am

I never would've thought in a million years that a pregnancy test would so much power. 

I never thought that I would be so depressed and ready to climb back into bed and never get out at the signs of my period. 

But here I am today depressed and on the verge of tears all because I had hoped this month would be the one. All month I thought "could this finally be it?" I did wonder if it really was because I had no signs of my period or anything....no breast tenderness at ovulation no nothing and as it got closer to when I thought my period would start still nothing. I don't even know why I would've thought I could be pregnant when I showed no signs. None. And wouldn't you know it that the minute that test said the infamous "Not Pregnant" the signs of my period to come started.

But I will say that it is rather bittersweet seeing as how I went years never being able to have my period on my own until I started the clomid. Well no clomid for me this month due to having the HSG done. 

But I will say something that has come out of this is that we finally got my husbands sample in to be tested and although they said the motility was on the low end of normal the count was very high...so in their words they kinda cancelled eachother out. 

So maybe October will be our month, I am kinda starting to feel pressure.....after the results came back for my husband they told me that if I didn't get pregnant in three months that they would be sending my to an endocrinologist. Why would they say something like that to me, it's not as if I feel I am under enough pressure to get this show on the road. I don't know why they would so soon considering that my hormones only got to an acceptable level in July and I had that HSG done in August....so why all of this pressure?! This is just creating more stress because I don't want to have to go see another doctor. 

I would give anything just to see one positive test, I have never even seen one. Not for myself anyway. I don't know what it feels like to see one, to think wow there is a little baby in there. I am at the end of my rope today. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 1:24pm
You made me cry, I've felt like that so much. It's gotten to the point that I can't even test anymore because I get so depressed. At least you are seeing better cycles even if you aren't getting a positive. Try to not let the pressure get to you so much. I've been doing meditation exercises to deal with it, I've got to find some way to get my emotions under control. (((hugs)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 2:01pm

I am sorry that I made you cry, that was not my intent. I just really needed to get that out before I exploded. I really didn't allow myself to even think about testing or even buy one for months because all it ever did was make me so depressed that I couldn't even function. 

After I wrote all of that down I was finally able to kinda talk with my husband about it and all I could think to myself is that I am a failure. I can't even get pregnant and I know that my hormones are out of control and there are times that I am just crazy and mean to him. So not only can I not get pregnant but I feel like I am failing at being a good wife to him. 

No one prepares you for this growing up, the entire time you are taught that everyone can get pregnant and you won't ever have a problem. No one told me that it would break my heart everyday to see others with their babies or see people who pregnant or hear someone's new about being pregnant. No one told me that it would cause my friends to shy away from me because I can't genuinely relish in their joy. No one told me that I would feel like the loneliest person in the world because I don't know anyone else I can talk to about this. No one could tell me how hard this road was going to be just to have one baby, to hold one little hand, to kiss one pair of tiny feet, to know the overflowing love for someone you brought into this world.