Everyone's pregnant but me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Everyone's pregnant but me!
32
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 8:22pm

Hi, This is my first time posting to a board of any kind.  I just need a place to vent and hear from people in similar situations!


I'm 33 and have been happily married for 6 years.  We've been ttc for over 3 years now without success.  We're seeing a specialist (post-coital test tomorrow, fun fun!) and so far they can find nothing wrong.  My husband's count was a little low but he's made some changes and it's fine now.  I've been taking femara to ensure I'm producing a mature, healthy egg. 


The hardest part of this (and I'm sure many of you will agree) is what this does to us emotionally.  And now it seems like everyone is pregnant but me!  I know, I know...of course it seems that way when you're ttc but seriously, 5 of my friends are pregnant right now and 2 of them just had babies.  Most of these women are in my girls' night out group and I just hate going now.  I don't talk to any of them (except my sis) about what is going on...dh and I have agreed to keep it between us.  I went to girls night out last week and cried all the way home and woke up the next morning crying.  I am happy for all these women, of course!  But this last one to announce is three years younger than me and hasn't even been married a year!  My best friend from college always said she didn't want kids, decided in August she did, and was pregnant in two months!  It just seems so completely unfair...I've had a girl's name picked out since junior high.  I guess I'm just at the point that I either really want to get pregnant or be told we can't have kids so we can deal with it and look at other options. 


How do you get to the point of not being jealous and being able to socialize?  I'm the only married woman in our group who does not have children or isn't pregnant.  I'd love any advice any of you can give.  I shamefully admit that at times I feel jealous and I hate feeling that way.  Thanks for listening...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 12:58am

Hi, Ncaunt!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 10:48am

I'm sorry Still that you aren't getting much support from your parent's. That's the last thing in the world anyone needs. My mom in the begining just gave me the cliched advice telling me to relax. (Whatever lol) She never really knew how to react since she & my dad never had problems (she was 4-5 mos pregnant w/my sister when they married & the month she stopped taking her BC to ttc she got pregnant w/me).


In the end though once we started seeing an RE & I was going through the tests & our issues were finally diagnosed she finally became more supportive. Not that she wasn't before but she just didn't know what to do. After I had my surgery that I was hoping would correct my fallopian tube she heard me crying myself to sleep that night (she stayed at my house w/my DH & I since she lives out of town) & she told me the next day she did everything she could do not to cry herself & blame herself for my issues (at the same time I blamed myself. She just kept wondering if there was something that she did when she was pregnant w/me that did this.).


I can only hope your mom comes aorund which I hope she will! :::HUGS:::

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2008
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 3:31pm

Hi,


This is the first time I've posted anything to this website as well, but when I read your post I had to respond.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2008
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 3:44pm

Hi,


I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 8:35pm

Hi, Cbjfan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 8:47pm

Thanks for the info, Kro!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 9:09am
hi, stilltryin- i try to read a chapter a night, but i've had the book a few weeks.
   

                              

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 10:36am

"And when I mentioned that we may do IUI or IVF, she just said, "Why? It will happen when it is supposed to happen."


I'm not sure how I would have reacted if my mom told me that. I do remember though talking to my supervisor @ my job one day & telling her what was going on. She looked at me told me "You're trying too hard". This coming from a woman who was ttc for 13 years before getting pregnant. It was really hard for me to just bit my tongue & not respond back but attitude like the one my supervisor gave me can be really discouraging.


"Then she made a comment that maybe my DH doesn't know how to "do it right!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2008
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 3:44pm

Well, I'm not sure about the "no reputable doctor..." part since my RE is actually quite reputable, but I do understand there are other ways of getting the same information that a p-c test can give you. Since we have unexplained fertility ( meaning I'm just OLD

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 9:57am

I am in the same boat with you and can totally empathize! I too have a girls' group.. I am the only one not pregnant. One just had her baby, another one is due with a boy in June (She was told her chances of getting pregnant were slim to none because of cyst problems - two months later she was pregnant) and the third girl took two months, got pregnant, and is having identical twin girls.

Does it ever stop? It feels like it doesn't. Everyone is sitting there, rubbing their bellies, looking at stretch marks, complaining about tiredness, finding cute clothes to wear, and bringing fabric for their nurseries. And what do I bring? My latest HSG numbers and DH's sperm count numbers. I hate it. I hate being the one who can't get pregnant on her own. I am lucky that my group happens to be a small group for church, so we can pray about our issues, and the girls know my struggles. And I certainly don't want to take away their happiness... but I am miserable.

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do. There have been times when I don't hang out with them if I'm having a particularly sad day. Why put myself through that? I hang out with my other non-pregnant friends and get my mind off of it for awhile. Although maybe not the nicest thing, I remind myself that I get to enjoy my nice slim figure and stretch-mark-free belly just a little longer. :-)

Hang in there. For whatever reasons, we're not pregnant yet. I truly believe that God has bigger plans for us than we have for ourselves, and he knows what blessed little ones he will bring into our lives. Maybe ours are just more special because He's taking more time to create them!

-Jen from Florida

TTC 18 months, Starting IUI w/Femera & injectibles in February

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