Frustrated, heartbroken, annoyed

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Frustrated, heartbroken, annoyed
Tue, 04-22-2014 - 2:25pm

Background. 32. Had 3 kids when I was young. Got an iud had it removed 8 years ago. Havent been able to get pregnant since. Tried many fertility treatments nothing works. Have endo amd pcos. Fast forwards 8 years: 

Just finished last round of clomid/metformin before doing iui. Easer morning im 16 days late. Negative test. Cramping but no bleeding thinking maybe this is it. Get to my grandmothers and nope here comes the big P. Nope not pregnant  :(  as im sitting there trying to wrap my head around it my cousin walks in to announce shes pregnant. Are you kidding me. Seriously. Thats the 10th person I know who is not ready to have a kid and shes pregnant. Seriously. She lives in her garage because she doesnt have the time or money to compkete her house. Her boyfriend of 3 months is jobless. Shes not ready but im suposed to be excited for her hmm... I also have a niece whos had sooo many abortions she cant get preg. Or so we were told but shes broke and has decided to get preg. so she can get state aid because shes broke. I have a friend who asked me tp rehome her dog because shes only home 2 hours a day mind you she has 2 young kids and 1 on the way who live at daycare.  Someone else I know who has had all her kids taken away but still pops them out constantly. Omg all these people around me who have no business having kids and here I am. I own my own house. Nice car. Amazing husband if 16 years. 3 teenagers who are amazing. I own my own business and work from home. I take my kids on many vacations a year. Every free moment is spent with them. I feel like im a great mom and always wanteda big family. So why cant I cconceive? When everyone who shouldnt can. I was told its gods way of teaching them to grow up basically. Well with several that hasnt happened. So again how can I be supportive when its a huge mistake. 

  Then my daughter comes home from school and shows me texts from my cousin ( shes 25 my daughters 14) saying how mad she is at me because im not happy for her. And I feel that im the only person in the world whos allowed to have a baby and all this crap. Seriously. .... leave my 14 year old out of this. Its none of her business and you should not be bad mouthing me to my child. Oh sooooo frustrated and ready to give up!.