fustrated-need to vent
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| Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:17am |
I had my 3rd IUI 2 weeks ago and just got the news yesterday - BFN. I was so upset I cried all day and if I didn’t go to work today I’d spend the whole day today crying. We’ve been trying for 2 years and nothing. It’s so easy for everyone to say "just relax". I’m 40 years old and running out of time. When they told me my test was neg my whole world fell apart. Besides the problem of my age is my husband has ED because of diabetes (yes the commercials are correct–it does effect it). So it’s really hard to come up with the samples. I’m so glad I found this board because other people just don’t get it. I’m the only one out of 23 of my cousins who have no children. It’s so fustrating. No one seems to understand how much it hurts to go to baby showers and christenings or to hear someone is pregnant who wasn’t even trying to get pregnant. I really thought it worked this time. They said my lining was ok his sperm was ok and it was the right time so when I was late I really had my hopes up. Turns out it was the progrestrone I was on was causing AF not to come.

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Good for you. I have found it very liberating and sometimes it lessens the amount of grief you get or the stupid questions or comments that tend to flow freely at the worst time!
Ashley
GJ1992,
Hello.
I know what you mean about no one understanding what you are going through. All my friends have had no problem having children and I am having a hard time talking to them lately because I
I am so, so sorry for your pain. We've been trying about 3 years, and I know the frustration involved for me.
It just sucks. My latest way of dealing is to envision the whole process as going to the craps table. You first of all decide you're going to Vegas, then you read up on how to play the game, then you choose a table. At some point all the preparation in the world just doesn't help, because it comes down to what the dice do. We have no control over the dice. There is a certain element in all of this that is just chance.
I don't know if that analogy helps anyone else or not, but for me it's been working very well. For a long time I blamed myself for all of this; I didn't believe hard enough, I let in a negative thought, I didn't deserve to be a mother, blah, blah, blah. Nonsense, all of it. We have no more control over struggling with infertility than someone does over any other medical condition. When I liken it to other long-term medical conditions (like arthritis, for example) people tend to be a little kinder. For some reason folks just don't equate infertility with disease, even though we go to doctors and take lots of drugs and spend tons of money. It's weird.
But you at least have here to come and vent and yell and cry. We've all been there, if we aren't there now!
Take care of yourself,
kris
Wow. The simple fact that you have not gone postal at work yet is a tribute to the phenomenal woman you are!!
I, too, cannot stand the whole "God's will" thing. I'm not particularly religious myself, and although it doesn't bother me when others are it does bother me when they try to push their beliefs on me. And I have found that people are quick to suggest antidepressants not for the sake of the person who is experiencing a deep and profound grief, no, but for themselves because THEY feel uncomfortable! Even my therapist agrees with me on that one; people don't know how to cope when someone is grieving and so as a society we medicate. Instantly. And she goes on to say that you can medicate all you want, but eventually you are going to have to work through it. It can't be put off forever.
As to the other woman, I have to say she does not sound like a friend to me. From what you've written she sounds very disrespectful of you and very dismissive. You said that you weren't sure why you still spoke with her. Of course, the tricky part is that you have to work with her, which is really hard. You will, of course, decide what is best for YOU, because you know more about the situation than anyone else. But no matter what you decide, your feelings are absolutely valid and you have every right not only to express them but to tell others when they are making you uncomfortable.
As to friends and family who keep asking, I've had to say to a couple that I don't want them to ask anymore. I thank them for their concern, explain that being asked is hurtful, and tell them that I will let them know if there are any changes. I have not had a single person deny me this request.
You're doing fine! And you are right in all of these situations. Keep your head up (if you want to), stand your ground (when you feel like it), and know that you are not alone! I think most of us here have been through something similar. Although I think you are a saint to have handled things as graciously as you have. I would have been a lot more blunt! And probably a lot less popular. ;)
Take care and good luck,
kris
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