Long Intro/Male Issues (dd ment'd)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Long Intro/Male Issues (dd ment'd)
69
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 9:24pm

Hello!

My name is Callie (36) and I used to lurk on this board for awhile. I have a very long intro, if you'll bear with me. This will all lead to a question I have regarding male factor infertility. Dh (42) and I have been TTC#2 for about 1 1/2 years now. Dd was conceived via IUI due to a relatively low sperm count. I, too, have PCOS, and have developed, since dd's birth, hypothyroid.

Fast forward about 3 years, and we are ready to contemplate #2. After, haphazardly trying on our own for about 6 months, we decide to contact our re who helped us with dd. Since it had been a few years since our last visits with him, we went through the whole battery of tests again. It was discovered that dh's sperm count is 0. He was tested 2 more times. All 0. We were referred to a urologist who insulted my husband's anatomy, and told him that he should just tell me "Sorry, honey". We went back to re and demanded another referral. We were sent to an outstanding urologist who ordered her own tests. Again, sperm count is 0.

We are now up to May 2007. After discussions with her and our re as to how this could possibly be when we were able to conceive dd (albeit artificially), we are forced into the conclusion that it must be some genetic "time bomb" that "shut down the sperm factory". B/c he wanted closure on this issue, dh ordered a testicular biopsy to determine the cause. While we wait for the pathology report to come in, we both are working on ourselves to deal with the fact that we are done having children, and that our dd will not have any brothers or sisters. We are at relative peace with this when we get the results that the "factory" is working just fine! I should say here that through physical examination and u/s, there were no varicoceles (sp?)or blockages immediately visible. We were then offered two options from his urologist. Either microsurgery to correct whatever the problem is that is preventing his sperm from ejaculating or IVF with ICSI. We had hope again! We opted for IVF.

This brings us to today and my question. I am due to have my official b/w done tomorrow to see if I am pg from the ET which was done on 12/10. I can feel AF knocking at the door, and have had 2 BFNs on POAS. I will POAS again tomorrow morning before going in for the b/w, but of course, it will be the same answer. Due to insurance, we could only do IVF once. Since this option looks like it will be a bust for us, we are looking into the reconstructive/microsurgery next. Does anyone know anything about this? I suppose it would help if I knew exactly where dh's problem lay, but I hope to have those answers when we see her on Jan. 3. I've heard that it could take up to 18 months for "things" to start working again. I'll be 38 and dh will be 44 by then! Has anyone had any experience with this? Any info would be appreciated. :)

Callie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 1:23pm

Hi, Ana!


I'm so glad you got some news that you can hold on to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 11:58pm

Anna, I'm so glad you have a plan. I've been having a rough time the past couple days, was pretty traumatized by a weekend full of baby event for relatives, with pregnant people. UGH!
Cried for about 6 hours straight as soon as I got in the car, and more the next day. Doing better today.

Based on scsa test results, e are doing one more IVF with just DH's sperm. His scsa test looks like icsi should overcome the sperm issues, though it also shows the sperm are unlikely to be able to fertilize an egg on their own.If it doesn't work, and we have any embies left over, we'll do a FET. And if that doesn't work, we're going to try IVF with donor sperm. I know what you mean about feeling like you need to try other options first. But I think if this next step doesn't work, I will be ready. I just need to feel like we tried hard enough.

Have you had the scsa test on DH? I'd highly recommend it. www.scsadiagnistics.com

-Jenna

- Jenna
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 12:09pm

hi jenna,


i will definitely ask our re about scsa, but dh seems to remember our re saying that since we have such a limited supply of tesa sperm, we can't really do any testing. it's good to know about, though! re also said that really good eggs can fix some sperm dna fragmentation, so i don't know if that means my eggs are bad quality or not. i'm really glad you have a plan, too. it's such a weird and random process looking for donors, and seems pretty arbitrary (you don't get to see a photo or anything!) and i'm driving myself a bit crazy. but i think it will be ok. right now i feel like i can't possibly go through another ivf cycle and fet cycle, and yet i can't not do it. i'm glad you got the scsa results and know that it is possible for this to work.


doesn't it seem that babies are everywhere? it's so painful.


when are you starting you ivf cycle?

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 12:14pm

hi callie,


have you considered asking if the fee can be negotiated at all? you're absolutely right that it doesn't matter anymore if it's donor sperm. i'm just anxious now about if it's actually possible, even with donor sperm. i've been trying not to think about babies so much, too. it's so hard to avoid it, though! i've never wanted anything so much. i just feel so vulnerable.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 4:43pm

Hi Anna,

Sorry, I forgot about the TESA...yeah that probably rules out testing. But since you are splitting the cycle it gives you an "insurance policy" anyway. I looked into donor sperm quite a bit as we were going to do donor sperm IUI (which is our next step if this doesn't work, I see I typos donor sperm IVF)last cycle, but ended up doing the FET instead. You know there are certain banks that have donors with baby and or adult photos. You can also have them do anonymous donor photo matching to your husband.

Here are some of the sperm banks I found when I was looking that have baby or adult photos, in case this helps:

http://www.cryobank.com/fees_ds.cfm?page=9

http://www.fairfaxcryobank.com/SpermBankComparisons.aspx?menu=2&turn=on

http://www.xytex.com/search.cfm

Good luck...I know for me it felt weird and random shopping for a donor, but on the other hand it's nice that we have so much info available to us now, as compared to 20 or 30 years ago. I'm sure you'll find a donor you and DH can feel good about. It just takes some time. One more thing- I recall I had to test for CMV, because if I was positive it could have opened up more choices. I was neg anyway, but it's worth finding out.

-Jenna

- Jenna
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 12:52pm

dear jenna,


thanks for all the info. you've sure done your research! the bank our re works with is cryobank, and that's where we've been looking. we've narrowed it down to about 10, and have ordered long profiles on each of them. from there, i think we'll do the photo matching. for now, all 10 are CMV neg, and we have 2 "alternates" which are CMV pos. once i get tested, we'll know if they are an option to us. it really is quite overwhelming, but really there's no way of knowing what genetics will do, so i just have to believe that in the end, we'll make the choice that's meant to be.


best,


anna.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 5:14pm

Hi Anna!

How is your March going so far and all of the paperwork and tests?

We just found out last week that the facility fee will be $5000. It is not negotiable b/c the procedure dh is having done has never been done there before, so they are giving us a flat rate. We can't even apply for financial assistance, we were told. All in all, the cost for these 3 procedures will be close to $8000. That includes dr's fee and anesthesia for 3 hours.

I've been pretty successful in concentrating only on the immediate things going on in our lives and not babymaking, hence the long duration in between posts. Even after his surgery, there is a chance (I don't know how much of a chance) that we will still be exactly where we are now. So, it's best for me just to accept life as I know it.

Hope all is going well with you and things are moving along in the right direction.

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 1:56pm

hi callie,


thanks so much for writing. i'm so glad you've been able to distract yourself a bit...the 14th is coming up, though, huh? i've been having a really hard time. i've been feeling so much hurt and grief and emotional pain. we are seeing a therapist, which has been helpful, but i have trouble finding relief from all these feelings. i've started the lupron, start follistim next weekend, and will have the retrieval after easter. but we will probably do an FET again, which means a few more months of waiting. that sucks about all the fees. doesn't it feel like everywhere you turn someone puts up another barrier? sorry to be a downer, but i'm just having a hard time. anyway, i really wish you the best, and will be thinking about you on the 14th!!!!!! write back when you can.


best,


anna.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 6:45pm

Gosh, Anna. I totally understand the feelings you have. You can't "move on" when you're in the midst of treatment. I hope your therapy is helping. Is your therapist specifically for infertile couples? Sometimes I wonder, just in talking to everyday people, if people who are "normal" really "get" it--understand what we're going through and how we feel like we've been robbed of a fulfilling life. Of course, I know what the standard response would be to that: you can have a fulfilling life w/o children. BS!! It's one thing to CHOOSE to not have children, it's another when you simply CAN'T--you don't get a say. It's crap. Well, there's my tangent and tirade.

Hang in there. Just try to take it one day at a time. I know it sucks. You said you're et is after Easter. I'll be thinking about you and praying this one sticks. Maybe you won't need to go to the donor sperm then!

BTW, I do not have my hopes up for dh's surgery. I am trying not to think about it at all, except in managing our schedules (parent/teacher conferences--I'm the teacher part, birthday parties,...). I'm afraid that if I think about it, then my hopes will rise inevitably.

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 12:47pm

dear callie,


i think you're doing exactly the right thing by putting it out of your mind right now as much as you can. hope is such a scary thing, isn't it? my et will probably not be for a few months (will probably be an fet) but the retrieval will be right after easter. the lupron is making me feel like crap this time...this is my 4th time taking it and each time it's different! anyway, i know you don't have much hope right now for dh's procedure. when i was waiting for my dh's procedure last yr, the best thing i could do was to try to put it out of my mind, since there was nothing i could do about it anyway! as for our therapist, she does specialize with infertility issues, and has been through some treatment herself (i haven't asked what). she's a real lifeline for me right now, at a time where everything feels awful. i'll be thinking of you on the 14th. please let me know how it goes!


best,


anna.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.

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