Long Intro/Male Issues (dd ment'd)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Long Intro/Male Issues (dd ment'd)
69
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 9:24pm

Hello!

My name is Callie (36) and I used to lurk on this board for awhile. I have a very long intro, if you'll bear with me. This will all lead to a question I have regarding male factor infertility. Dh (42) and I have been TTC#2 for about 1 1/2 years now. Dd was conceived via IUI due to a relatively low sperm count. I, too, have PCOS, and have developed, since dd's birth, hypothyroid.

Fast forward about 3 years, and we are ready to contemplate #2. After, haphazardly trying on our own for about 6 months, we decide to contact our re who helped us with dd. Since it had been a few years since our last visits with him, we went through the whole battery of tests again. It was discovered that dh's sperm count is 0. He was tested 2 more times. All 0. We were referred to a urologist who insulted my husband's anatomy, and told him that he should just tell me "Sorry, honey". We went back to re and demanded another referral. We were sent to an outstanding urologist who ordered her own tests. Again, sperm count is 0.

We are now up to May 2007. After discussions with her and our re as to how this could possibly be when we were able to conceive dd (albeit artificially), we are forced into the conclusion that it must be some genetic "time bomb" that "shut down the sperm factory". B/c he wanted closure on this issue, dh ordered a testicular biopsy to determine the cause. While we wait for the pathology report to come in, we both are working on ourselves to deal with the fact that we are done having children, and that our dd will not have any brothers or sisters. We are at relative peace with this when we get the results that the "factory" is working just fine! I should say here that through physical examination and u/s, there were no varicoceles (sp?)or blockages immediately visible. We were then offered two options from his urologist. Either microsurgery to correct whatever the problem is that is preventing his sperm from ejaculating or IVF with ICSI. We had hope again! We opted for IVF.

This brings us to today and my question. I am due to have my official b/w done tomorrow to see if I am pg from the ET which was done on 12/10. I can feel AF knocking at the door, and have had 2 BFNs on POAS. I will POAS again tomorrow morning before going in for the b/w, but of course, it will be the same answer. Due to insurance, we could only do IVF once. Since this option looks like it will be a bust for us, we are looking into the reconstructive/microsurgery next. Does anyone know anything about this? I suppose it would help if I knew exactly where dh's problem lay, but I hope to have those answers when we see her on Jan. 3. I've heard that it could take up to 18 months for "things" to start working again. I'll be 38 and dh will be 44 by then! Has anyone had any experience with this? Any info would be appreciated. :)

Callie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 9:45pm

Hi Anna,

Wow, I didn't know that you'd have to wait so long for your et. It's always a waiting game, isn't it? I was just remarking to dh that's it's been nearly a year since we found out that his sperm count was 0. Ugh! I really admire you and all the others who go through IVF more than once. I only did it the one time and after giving myself shots day and night after day and night, I didn't know how anyone could do it more than once. Not just with sticking yourself, either, but with how it affects you. It really is an ordeal.

I'm glad your therapist is one who specializes in infertility. That can make a world of difference, I'm sure. I am glad she's working for you.

As for dh's procedure...we may have to postpone. :( Dh is sick, and his doctor is afraid that she may not be able to do the surgery. He's going to see her tomorrow so she can assess just how sick he is. If we postpone, it will have to be this summer. We're both teachers (actually he's a guidance counselor) and he just can't afford to take off the time needed for recovery what with state testing and scheduling. We had planned it for over Spring Break now. This, on top of other bad news we've received in other areas of our life. It's always something. Of course, with all the other bad news we've received, maybe it would be best to postpone. Maybe we can get out of this batch of bad luck beforehand.

Good luck with your Lupron and er. Won't it be nice when all of this is behind us?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 10:59pm
wow...i'm so sorry that the surgery might have been postponed. it is so hard to go through all this again. i haven't slept in over a week. my re says this means the lupron is doing what it's supposed to, but i feel like hell. i started follistim the other day, and have my first ultrasound tuesday. i can't believe the retrieval is really only just over a week away! i'm not looking forward to the pain of it, that's for sure. i feel like if i could sleep it would be a bit better. how are you holding up?
-anna.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
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Registered: 01-01-2005
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 4:27pm
Well, things have not been good. Every March is like this for us, for some reason. I don't know why. Anyway, dh's dr said he has bronchitis and his immune system was too compromised to do the surgery. So, it's officially postponed for June 27, but dh is now unsure whether he even wants to go through with it. With his testosterone being so low, he just feels like crap all the time and wants to be put on hormone therapy NOW. If we do the surgery, he will have to wait at least a year (to see if the surgery even worked and then ttc) before going on testosterone. THEN, when he called the hospital to change the date, they said that since they gave us a cut-rate on the fees for the 14th, they couldn't guarantee that same price at a future date. So, even if dh does decide to go ahead with surgery, we still may not be able to b/c of the $$$. With all the brick walls we've been running into, I wonder if God is trying to tell us to quit. I just don't know. Anyway, so we got all this news literally 20 minutes before my first parent/teacher conference. One parent who knew what we were going through asked how we were doing and I just broke down crying. I was so embarrassed. Here we were supposed to be talking about her son, and we were talking about my troubles! Thank goodness she was understanding. Why is it that it seems that more times than not, life just sucks?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 10:03am
dear callie,
i'm so sorry things feel like they're falling apart. one thing my therapist always says is that this is not a punishment or a sign of any kind. it sure feels that way, though, doesn't it? i imagine it's really difficult to be around kids and parents all day. remind me: might going on testosterone (for dh) work, or is there also a blockage that needs to be fixed? i'm on my way in a few minutes for an ultrasound/blood work. i'm getting really anxious and scared that this round is going to tell us that my eggs are no good and we just have to stop trying. this is truly the last round for us. i haven't slept in close to 2 weeks (re says this is the lupron). again, i'm so sorry you're dealing with all this right now. please know that i'm here with you, and do understand.
best,
anna.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 10:42am

Several drs have told us that going on testosterone can/will decrease sperm count though it would make dh feel physically better. His problem appears to be a blockage of some sort. He is still producing sperm, but it does not appear in his ejaculate. So, if we go ahead with the surgery, he cannot go on testosterone until we know for sure the surgery was unsuccessful or until we have ttc. It's a pain.

Good luck with your b/w and u/s. This is such a horrendous roller coaster ride. Others have no idea how easy they have it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 11:48am

hi callie,


thanks for explaining about the testosterone. doesn't this all suck?? my u/s and b/w went fine, and we're going back tomorrow. i was finally able to get some sleep last night, for which i'm very greatful. my er said i could take benadryl to sleep if i need it, so i'm going to get some today just to have around. the hormones from the follistim are kicking in, and i feel like i'm a bit crazed. i'm also just so scared that we're going to be told that my eggs are no good and we're done. this is all so unfair. i hope you're hanging in there.


-anna.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 9:11pm

Hi Anna,

When is your er scheduled? You may have already said, but I don't remember. I hope it all goes well for you. I'm sure your eggs are nice and healthy!

I have been so torn about what to do with dh's surgery. Everything was all set to go until he was told to reschedule b/c of his bronchitis. Then, suddenly, everything was turned on its ear and thrown into question. Dh has told me it's totally my decision. I know he really wants to go on testosterone NOW b/c he feels so awful, but I really want a baby NOW. I selfishly figure that we can do the surgery, wait a year to see if it worked, and then he can STILL go on the therapy. Plus, with all of the roadblocks that have been thrown at us for the last year, I wonder if a Higher Power is telling us to quit. First we're told he has no sperm. Then we're told he's making it, just not getting it out--a ray of hope! Then we're told insurance won't cover IVF when they previously said they would. Then IVF fails. Now, we schedule the surgery, it gets postponed and there's a chance we really won't be able to afford it b/c the hospital won't guarantee the rate they gave us--as if it's our fault that he got sick!

I finally decided that I can't be at peace until I know that we have tried absolutely everything. I hope I made the right decision. What if something happens to dh during the 3 hour procedure? What if it's successful, but we get pg with a child with severe congenital defects? I wish I knew what the "right" answer was. The funny thing is, before he got sick, I didn't have any of these questions. I guess it was this last roadblock of him being too sick for surgery that made me start to second-guess everything. If the hospital says they're going to charge us an exorbitant fee, we simply can't do it, and we'll have to be done. Aaaaaaaargh!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 12:57pm

dear callie,

i'm so sorry that everything's up in the air right now! and i'm sure it's so hard that dh is leaving it up to you. i understand the need to have a baby; for me, it's the only thing i think about and all that matters, even though i love dh so much. my er was thurs, and my ovaries were so stressed that we will have to do a fet in 2-3 mos (depending on when i get my period, etc). they're concerned i'm going to hyperstim. i'm still on lupron, and they gave me letrozole to "shut down" my system. i'm so bloated i look very pg, which is pretty cruel. they got 16 eggs, 13 of which were good. they fertilized 6 w/ donor sperm, and 4 out of 7 fertilized w/ dh's sperm. but we're not out of the woods. the last time, the big problem was getting to blast stage, so we should know next wed or thurs if we have anything. (they're planning to freeze at blast if there's anything to freeze.) if nothing makes it to blast, it means there's a big egg problem that can't be fixed, and there's no way we can afford donor eggs. it feels like this is it, my life is on the line.

something i learned from my therapist is not to trust these "instincts" right now that something is a sign not to proceed. you need to do what you need to do, and you deserve this at least as much as everyone else. and i understand completely the need to do everything in your power to make this happen. it's not selfish.

do you know if there's a way we can just email each other directly w/o everyone seeing our emails or email addresses?

keep me posted! i'm here for you!!!!
-anna.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 2:19pm

Thank you so much for your response. I emailed a friend of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a few months, apprising her of our situation. Her response was literally 3 sentences long. A reminder of why I haven't spoken to her in so long.

13 eggs sounds very good! That's how many they were able to get from me. I do hope those embies grow! BTW, I was also at risk for hyperstimming. They eventually took me off of everything except the Lupron. I understand the pg belly. I only have 2 pairs of pants with elastic waistbands. They got a lot of wear during that time.

About "instincts". Your therapist is right: now is not a good time to trust them. I don't even know what they're saying. I'm so conflicted. But I guess, I did make the decision, and we're going through with it--unless we can't afford it.

I have no idea how to exchange emails w/o the whole world seeing. It seems there should be a way, but I'm not very technologically advanced.

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 4:09pm
dear callie,
thanks for the support. i feel so alone right now, since no one close to me, no matter how supportive they want to be, understands. even dh, and wonderful as he is, doesn't understand that this is EVERYTHING to me, and it really feels like my life will be over if the embies don't make it to blast. i'm trying to take it a day at a time, an hour at a time. i'm in a lot more pain today than i was yesterday or the day before, but i think the re was expecting that. i'm trying to just suffer through w/ tylenol, since anything stronger makes me completely nauseated. i just feel like i'm on the verge of crying all the time, but can't cry. anyway, it's nice to have someone to email who does understand. i'm just sorry you're going through this agony, as well. and something i was thinking about: i wonder if it would make you feel less selfish (or whatever emotion you want to insert there) if you told yourself that yes, dh is the one right now who has to undergo a procedure, but that if you could do it instead of him, you would without thinking about it.
best,
anna.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.

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