Losing It...
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| Tue, 05-22-2007 - 11:05am |
I feel like I'm totally losing it. Our unexplained infertility it starting to affect every area of my life, and I feel like a different person. I'm angry and bitter - and that's not like me. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to do. I have a great husband, but I am starting to become resentful. It is totally not fair of me and TOTALLY not rational but it creeps in my subconscious.
I'm dealing with the usual stuff: in-laws hinting at kids (assuming we are choosing to wait) but we could never tell them the problem because they would flip out - - suddenly all my friends are pregnant, literally, and so there is no one left to talk to.
And since I've been off the pill, my PMS is crazy with mood swings - making the disappointment each month more intensified and more depressing. I wish someone would give me a placebo birth control pill and tell me to stop trying to have kids and then it would be a surprise. I know its irrational - but I keep thinking "THIS is what I get for being responsible and waiting until I'm married and have a stable life" - why didn't I just get knocked up accidently earlier. (I know that's not rational - - - but as I said, I'm losing it...)
Its only been 17 months and so many of you women have gone so much longer and stayed strong. How do you do it? How do you not let it creep into your relationships?

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Hi Lucy! Sorry that you are going through all that!! I have unexplained IF also. I am having a hard time with it & all the issues that come with it as well. I have been going to an RE & seeing a counselor since last August. I also go to this board a lot & it helps to chat with people here that are also going through IF. In real life, I really don't any friends that are going through this & am too ashamed to tell my family & in laws. I have only told a few close friends.
Good luck with everything. Are you going to an RE? I am in my third round of ttc with injectables and IUI. If this doesn't work, I will have to have IVF. Take care, Marisa
Thanks for your response! After exhausting the first stage of tests at my OBGYN (Prog Levels, HSG) we have our first appointment at a fertility clinic next week - I picked them because they do have counselors there, so I hope they can help.
Good luck!!
- Marisa
I totally understand! Every 17 year old girl is pregnant not married, still in high school. Being married and stable and then trying to get pregnant just seems like not the way to be! I am in the same boat. First I learned i had pre-cancer cells, had to have cryosurgery, then sonogram saw one blocked tube, had the HSG now i have two blocked tubes, tomorrow I have surgery! What a disaster. Things are going to work out for you and for me and everyone else with issues. There is a good news corner somewhere out there. I don't mind people that are pregnant and can have a life for a baby. It's the people who have no business breeding that I just want to strangle lol.
Best of luck to you! things have to get better :0)
Thank you for your understanding and hope. I get depressed, feel bitter, and then feel worse for being bitter. So it is comfort to know I'm not the only one.
My thoughts and best wishes for a successful surgery.
Thank you so much for saying that!!! In the begining of all this, I would daily remind myself that I was so lucky for the life I have. But somewhere along the line (probably right around PMS time) I let that slip my mind. I just needed a reminder.
Thank you!!!
Thank you. I think I'd be interested.
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