Silent Struggles

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Silent Struggles
4
Wed, 09-11-2013 - 11:28am

My name is Christin and I am 25 years old, I have been married for 6 years in November.....for the last 9 months I have struggled to gain some sort of normallcy with my fertility. Since I was 17 years old I had been told that when I wanted to have children that I would need help from my doctor because ever since the day my boyfriend left for Iraq I never had a regular cycle again; and at the time was no big deal because I was not any where near ready to have children. So as the years went on my boyfriend at the time became my husband, and after a few years I thought that we were ready but he wasn't so I waited again before I brought up the subject again.......and then became the struggle to find out when we were ready.....I have always been but he hasn't. Last Christmas I decided I would look into the plan my doctor had for me on my journey of infertility, well it included Progesterone to get my to have a period and then Clomid to get me to ovulate....which I was not doing at all. So started the journey of hot flashes, mood swings, the HORRIBLE cramps, and not to mention the heavy bleeding.......it was horrible. During all of this I also had to stay in constant contact with my doctors office to tell them when I started my period and if I had a positive ovulation test and of course the monthly blood tests and last month I had an HSG done. I am still fighting the battle with my husband about when he thinks we will be ready.....I know that we are both young but with everything that I have had to do just to become "normal" who knows how long it's going to be just to even get pregnant. I feel alone, he doesn't understand he thinks that this whole thing is easy peasy, that I should just get over it. I don't know anyone who is going through what I am and I am constantly seeing all of my friends on Facebook sharing their good news and the endless pictures.....but how do I show that I am happy for someone else when I am dying inside?! I guess I am really just here to find other women who may be in the same circumstance as me, because at this point I am ready to completely give up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Wed, 09-11-2013 - 4:06pm

Hi Christin, I haven't been posting a lot because I've been depressed as well but had to respond to yours. It took me a long time to decide that I was ready for a child, but have been struggling to get pregnant ever since. I totally relate to the urgency you are feeling, I never thought I would have a problem but as the months go by I worry that I waited too long. Have you thought about taking him to your doctor's appointment so that they can explain to him exactly how your fertility declines and how long it could take for you? Some guys just don't understand no matter how hard they try. If it helps, hide your friends on FB that have babies. I had to do that on mine, it just becomes too painful. I need to focus on things that take my mind off of it all. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Wed, 09-11-2013 - 5:33pm

Thank you for responding I was honestly feeling like I was the only one going through this. The thing with my husband is that I dont want him to feel as if I am twisting his arm to go with me, the part that upsets me most about it is that when I had my HSG done and I expressed how worried I was about the possible outcome not once did he offer to come with me for support. I often feel alone because I know that he hates when I bring it up, and at times I just wish there was someone that I could call upon to talk to. I suppose I am just waiting on him to tell me that he is finally ready, but I am tired of waiting!! I think personall I have waited long enough, I feel broken. I feel honestly like giving up. I deactivated my Facebook account so I can stay away from the pictures for a while, I just look at those posts/pictures. This infertility journey makes you feel so alone and isolated because you may not have others around you that have gone through this and it's not something that you want to should out to the world. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2013
Thu, 09-12-2013 - 11:25am

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles and pain, Christin.  I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.  I'm sending you lots of encouragement, prayers and (((hugs)))!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Thu, 09-12-2013 - 11:41am

Thank you, I appreciate all the prayers and support. I know that I need it!!