tormented every month...
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|Wed, 10-26-2011 - 1:32pm|
breif introduction here, my name is emily, and about a year and half ago my husband found out that he didnt have any sperm in his semen analysis after over 4 years of us having unprotected sex and never a pregnancy. i of course always thought it was something with me, as most women tend to think sometimes...but, docs all said i was fine, and i get my period every 28 days...did the OPKs, all that. my husband and i havent yet pursued any further treatments, he just knows that an ultra sound of his testes showed everything to be normal, blood tests normal, hormones normal. just no sperm, and very low volume ejaculate, and very watery, dont know if that makes a difference.
anyway, the next step would be biopsy, but we are just taking a break from any further treatments, just kinda absorbing the shock of it all. but, every month, i ALWAYS imagine im somehow pregnant. obviously we arent using birth control, so right after ovulation, i think "it worked this time! maybe he has sperm now! i must be pregnant!" and for the entire 2 weeks until my period, i have ALL the pregnancy symptoms, im convinced it "worked." i google preg symptoms like a mad woman and convince myself i have all of them. i have dreams almost every night until i get my period that im pregnant, that i have a baby, then the baby disappears, turns into a doll, or that it never really happened at all, or that its actually someone else's baby. then i wake up. then of course, like clockwork, i get my period and im still sometimes in denial until after the first day of my flow. EVERY MONTH. you would think after 6 years of never getting pregnant i would accept that we cant conceive naturally. but nope, im in serious denial and think that WE WILL have some kind of miracle pregnancy, and that the semen analysis was some kind of mistake. PLEASE HELP ME. i can't take these phantom pregnancy symtoms every month, then the disappointment, i guess its great that i still have hope, but this is obsessive, all encompassing, and making me