useless

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2011
useless
7
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 10:13pm

I just need a place to vent - I'm sorry if you wasted you time reading this - but I feel like I mess up everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
In reply to: useless
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 1:26pm

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds like you really need some counseling. I come from a verbally abusive childhood as well, and counseling really helped me not feel so "worthless". Also, don't blame yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but we all just got the short end of the stick when it came to fertility. I've lost 3 and many other women have lost too...you are not alone. It sucks and it's not fair but at least we have each other here.

-Jamie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
In reply to: useless
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 1:38pm

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!


Me: 39, DH: 43


TTC for 5 years . 1 Ectopic PG at 8 wee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
In reply to: useless
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 4:44pm
I know when the world is failing around us we automatically jump to blaming ourselves. I had many nights when my depression and despair overwhelmed me.
Do not let IF beat you like this. Come here and vent as you have and let it all out. It is like a blackness that if you do not vent out can keep bringing you down to this point. IF can often challenge out faith. I believe for whatever reason God has a plan. I understand that as you struggle through IF its hard to see the plan. Even at this point I do not understand it all.
But simply because we do not understand does not mean God does not love us or that you are not a wonderful person despite what others in your past might have said. I agree if these emotions are this overwhelming you should seek support. For some being on boards like this is enough, for others there needs to be more personal one on one counseling. Talk to your doctor, especially since it sounds like you are seeing an RE. It is not uncommon for them to recommend counselors as IF is so difficult to go through and you are not alone.

Many hugs to you and hopes that you can find the light in the darkness soon.

Dixie

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
In reply to: useless
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 8:31am
I'm with the other ladies. You are NOT useless!! Millions of people deal with IF and it affects all walks of life. I understand that it's hard when you don't have that family support, but maybe talking to a therapist would help. As part of the checklist for IVF with my doctor, my DH and I were required to see a therapist to discuss our struggle with IF. To be honest, I first saw it as just another thing I had to cross of the checklist. But it was really quite nice to be able to talk to someone who is just there to listen to you and isn't going to judge you or tell you you're doing something wrong. We were only required to meet with her once, but I've actually thought about going back because it did make me feel better to just get it out.

I hope that you are feeling a little better by now. Please stop back and vent to us if you need to...we have all been there and know what you are going through. (((HUGS)))

Jemma (35) and DH, (37). Married October 13, 2007 and TTCing since April 2008. Dealing with PCOS, swollen tubes, and also MFI. Committing myself to getting healthy and losing weight in preparation for IVF later in 2012.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2011
In reply to: useless
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 7:52am

I think its really easy to feel like its your fault. Especially if you believe that God is watching over you and every thing you do. My husband and I have been trying for six years now and a lot of the time I just assume that I am responsible for either not heroically figuring out what the magic food is, not having a prefectly chemical free home, not having tried all of the alternative therapies out there or, even worse, just having the wrong 'frame of mind' or psychological makeup. I think that is the most painful way to see it. Going around thinking that if I were somehow kinder, more optimistic or happier god might think I am more worthy and let me have a baby. I was lying awake at 2am last night and it suddenly occured to me that maybe its not that I have failed in my life in some way and am being punished but that it is random, and common for this to happen to women, regardless how "good" they are. I have also been without a job for four months now and for two years prior to that I was on short contracts that never got extended. Again, I assumed it was my fault. But we are living in a really dificult time and jobs are scarce. I just happen to be on the receiving end of two very common misfortunes affecting young people these days - unemployment and infertility. Thinking this way is helping today but I know how easily the irrational negative thinking comes back. I'm glad I found this forum because I don't feel so alone in feeling this way. Thank you for sharing and please be compassionate with yourself. There is no one else in the world like you and you are obviously a very loving person. This is not your fault. : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2010
In reply to: useless
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 10:35pm

I agree with the other ladies. Don't be hard on yourself.

***TTC since 2005. *In fertility treatments since 2007. *Clomid tx's X 4 with 3 of them BFN and 1 that I had 2 false BFP's before the official BFN. * 2009- IUI X3 with all 3 BFN's. *2010- 2 IVF's with both BFN's. * Taking break to pay off IVF bills unti
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2011
In reply to: useless
Thu, 12-22-2011 - 8:56pm

Please, please, please go see a counselor or therapist.