Are you guilty of pretending to be happy when your really not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Are you guilty of pretending to be happy when your really not?
10
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 9:50am

Technically my fertility journey started about 3 years ago

IVF#1 March 2010 GonalF, Cetrotide, Menopur.
23 follicles 19 eggs 13 mature 7 fertilized 2 blasts none to freeze. No Pregnancy.
IVF#2 July 2010 Lupron Gonal F Menopur
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008

I don't think you are the only one that feels this way by any means.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Whether it's someone on the boards or someone in life, as someone who is living with IF, it will always be hard to hear someones BFP... But I can be genuinely be happy for someone I know has struggled, just like me, vs someone who "just got pregnant the first time we tried!"
KayLa (36)... so many fertility issues betweeen DH and I. Diagnosed with Hashimoto's.
TTC naturally since June 2009
IVF #1 November 2010...BFP....early M/C
FET #1 April 2011...BFP...beta 10, 29, 460.
Heartbeat seen via u/s.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008

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IVF#1 March 2010 GonalF, Cetrotide, Menopur.
23 follicles 19 eggs 13 mature 7 fertilized 2 blasts none to freeze. No Pregnancy.
IVF#2 July 2010 Lupron Gonal F Menopur
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008

Thank you ladiess xoxo its nice to know someone hears you.

My emotions always run high right before a cycle. One thing I have learned going through IVF by reading so much about conception and reproduction is that all life created

IVF#1 March 2010 GonalF, Cetrotide, Menopur.
23 follicles 19 eggs 13 mature 7 fertilized 2 blasts none to freeze. No Pregnancy.
IVF#2 July 2010 Lupron Gonal F Menopur
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008

(s/b mention)

I think your post was perfect and couldn't have said it better myself.

Mommy to my angel, Logan born sleeping on 2.19.09 at 28 weeks. Trying to conceive our lil miracle for over 3 years. IVF #1 = chemical pregnancy. IVF #2 = cancelled, IVF#3 (Nov '10) = BFP, Beta #1- 86, Beta #2 - 244, Beta #3 - 777. First u/s at 6w5d
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008

We have a 14 month old concieved from IVF and are now trying for baby number two. I just want to say that I couldnt agree with you more even still. I STILL feel bittersweet when someone that doesnt have infertility issues that they are pregnant. Or when my 17 year old niece got pregnant and within a month after delivering her baby got pregnant again...oops... and then had an abortion "because no one was helping them and they really need money to buy a car." OMG.... I guess I just wanted to let you know that even though I am now a mom that some of those feelings will never go away for me.

Me (35) DH (34) w/mfi

Baby #1
IUI#1 (7/08)BFN
IVF#1 (9/08/10/08)BFP

Avatar for eisoob
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005

I am about rolling on the floor both laughing and crying. I don't get on the boards too much because it is too difficult for me. BUT I came on tonight to write my feelings to a group who would get it. Then I run across your post. You are not alone. And I am happy for people who get pg but I am always so sad too. I will say a lot of the time I am not really jealous and I don't go into why me why me or more why not me why not me.

But we just did another round and I had the joyous knowledge that I was pregnant... For a bit. Twins in fact. And neither made it. I was pregnant long enough that by body knew it, my sense of smell, my throwing up, the total and utter exhaustion... I know this because I did have a successful IVF once and we have a 2.5 yr old.

But after this time, we have been trying since January three cancelled cycles and then we got through to pg with this last one and both my babies gone... I just don't have it in me anymore to not be jealous to not be sad ... I try not to look a pg women I don't want to hear about anyone being pg and I am jealous. And I think why not me.. We have gone through so much tens of thousands of dollars, over 2000 shots/blood draws all the internal u/s ... The pain the heart ache the not being able to do anything because I had to have my shots at 7 and 7 and they were refrigerated and good lord we didn't do anything to jeopardize that.... Months and months of shots and appointments and b/d being really all I did.

It takes so much time and energy and focus... How could it not effect us and not be sad?

Avatar for eisoob
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
I totally agree with you and it is SO very difficult for me to even hear about anyone having an abortion I about hate them. How could they end a life? Such a precious gift.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2010

Hey --

Don't feel guilty about your feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008
Or the ones who say "We weren't even trying!"....UGH! If they only knew.

Me (35) DH (34) w/mfi

Baby #1
IUI#1 (7/08)BFN
IVF#1 (9/08/10/08)BFP