Good news and random thoughts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Good news and random thoughts...
11
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 1:36pm

Hi ladies, I hope everyone is doing well and your cycles aren't beating you up too much! I noticed a few of my cycle buddies from last year had there babies..congrats!


SO I'll just act as if anyone doesn't know me! I've been on hiatus since my December miscarriage and we decided to take a break from IVF for several reason, me and DH really needed to get our marriage back on track it was really taking a toll on us. I had also been out of work for about 4 months and was worried about trying to find a job while big and preggers..well the job search is over - WOOHOO! I finally got an offer from a green startup company.. a little risky but very excited! I'm gonna be the office manager/executive assistant/jack of all trades (right up my alley)!! While I'mnot sure when we'll try ivf again..depends on how the next few months! I feel soo much better mentally and emotionally and I"m happy which feels like something I've been chasing since last January 2009!


So while I have been on hiatus one of the things Ive discovered is that I think I need support. I can talk to hubby and we talk now all the time about it, but sometimes you just want to have some conversations with women who understand. I have LOVED this website being able to read and relate to all the different stories. I've even written a couple of times but I seem not to get a lot of replies so I just ready, but one thing I think I have struggled with a little bit is trying to find other african american women who are going through the same thing.  It has been hard for me to talk to my friends because they either already have kids and/or dont want any by choice. One night hubby and I was out and about and one of his friends wives said to me "So why don't you want to have kids yet?" And it was came from such left field, my only answer was, as I started choking a little on my sex on the beach, "HUH? What are you talking about.." and she proceeded to tell me that as long as she's known my hubby he;s always wanted kids couldn't wait, was the last one to get married and now it seems like, especially since he's 40 and I just turned 30 that I'm not ready to have kids yet..I answered back..well I'm jobless right now, so I don't think that would be fair of me to put that much stress on him..blah blah blah..but this brings me back to my original kinda question...are there any african american women in my area (Boston) going through the same thing?  I mean I know there are, but honestly..in the year I spent camped out in the various waiting rooms giving blood, getting my privates poked and pretending not to be disappointed (or upset with someone CLEARLY disobeys the "don't bring children to the clinic" sign and brings not only there kid but than proceeds to take up like 4 seats with baby/toddler stuff and make a little playpen like area in the corner - anyways)...I have only run into one other AA couple! 


I think its kinda funny (in an ironic way) that its kinda assumed among my peers and friends that I'm just a fertile myrtle..that most black women are..and that we can just pick a number of children we want and start popping them out.. Now I do have a disclaimer here - I come from a HUGE family, my mom was the oldest of 11..all of her siblings are married and have AT LEAST 3kids..now at least half of my cousins have kids (if not all) and we are undergoing ivf (technically) for MFI..so my personal friends its easy to understand that and maybe they could have been right..but still...


I've even tried looking for AA blogs about infertility but I haven't found too many.
Back in January I had started a blog after my last failed cycle and my desire to just DO THE NEXT ONE but it peetered out..I've been thinking about starting it up again..but what would I even say!


well I guess I just wanted your thoughts on connecting with people going through the same experiences (outside of ivillage), if your african american your experiences going through ivf, and anything..I guess I'm kinda in a discussion mood...any takers.


 



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 1:55pm

Hi there,


I've been on hiatus for awhile too, and I'm just getting back into the swing of things again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 2:17pm

Hey There.. glad to see your break is doing good. I am also Caucasian but like Courtney mentioned, I have rarely seen and AA women at my fertility clinics. I think I saw an AA couple when I was doing IUI's and then there was an AA women when I was doing my last cycle. Other then that I don't think I have seen any. On the boards it is hard to say since we hardly ever see pics of each other. In my 2 years on the IVF boards, i probably have run into at least 10 AA. I don't know why we don't see more AA? I would think AA women have just as much infertility issues as all the other races. Who knows?
I am sick and tired of people that don't understand infertility stuff. I was speaking to a friend of mine and she said she just doesn't understand why it doesn't work. All the embryo has to do is attach. She had no clue that embryo's can just stop growing. Of course she is a mom of 3 that had no issues getting PG.
Glad to see you have a new job, hoping it is a good one and then you can get back to trying

Good Luck to you.

CHRIS


----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 2:48pm

Thank you so much for replying ladies..of course I remember both of you!


Courtney I"m so happy your jumping back on the wagon. I went to see a pshyic too about Feb. of last year..so I understand. I've been thinking about going again..but too chicken! i think its funny your husband gets the same assumptions I get..him and my husband are about the only two 40 year old in boston with no children..they would probably hit it off!


Chris I remember you too and so sorry about your last cycle! Hopefully the new doc will

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 8:42am

Hi-


Welcome to another Boston gal! We have cycled at MGH in Boston, and are now at MGH on the North Shore. I have actually wondered the same thing as you----where are all the African-American women? MGH Boston has a few, at least they did four years ago when I was there---MGH North Shore, not so much. I've offered wondered if there was less acceptance of IVF in the AA community---leading to women not being willing to do it? I'm a social worker, so I do wonder these things---as I'm sitting, and waiting, AGAIN, at an IVF clinic.


I'm white, not AA, but I have encountered similar preconceptions about fertility because I was under 30 when we started TTC---I've actually had people say to me that I'm too young for IVF. We've been pretty out there with our infertility treatment among our friends and family---it's really stopped a lot of questions about having more kids (we had a successful IVF cycle in July 2006 and have 3 year old twins). I always hated those out of nowhere questions of "so, when are YOU going to have kids?!" Awful stuff.


I'm sorry to hear about your loss last year---we just lost a pregnancy a few weeks ago and it has been a hard road for us. We'll be cycling again this summer---maybe you will be a cycle buddy then?

Rebecca


2005 5 IUIs + stims---all BFN
4/06 IVF #1 BFN
8/06 FET #1 BFP. Twins born 4/07
1/10 IVF #2. BFP.

Rebecca


2005 5 IUIs + stims---all BFN
4/06 IVF #1 BFN
8/06 FET #1 BFP. Boy/girl twins 4/07
1/10 IVF #2. BFP. Lost baby 4/10 at 11 weeks.
7/10 IVF #3 . BFP. Baby #3 due 4/8/11.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 9:51am

I just wanted to say 'welcome' as well, I'm also from the Boston area.

Chris


Me, 38, dh, 35


3 IUI's - BFN


IVF #1 - Jan '08 - BFP - beautiful baby boy born 10/10/08


IVF cycle #2 - TTC

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 2:01am
Hi! I also found that there was a serious lackof aa representation with infertility. So I founded a nonprofit just for it, www.thebrokenbrownegg.com. stop by sometime!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 9:36am

Looks like you found an answer!


Don'tcha love these boards?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 7:48am

HAHA.. I do love these boards..theres a little something for everyone! Thanks so much ladies for the semi-discussion..It was something that I had just noticed. So again, if anyone seems a AA woman, with shoulder-length dreds..thats me..feel free to say hello or whisper ivillage or something..haha


everyone seems to be cycling at MGH - are they really good? I have 6 or 7

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 12:48pm

OMG...how funny...can you imagine whispering "ivillage"

Avatar for mjtudor
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 3:38pm

I am not in your area; I am in South Carolina.

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