Pounding my head against a wall...

Avatar for wi_valentine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Pounding my head against a wall...
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 10:47am
We were trying something different this month. Since my DH's count is less than optimal, we were going to wait to BD until the last possible day before ovulation. Well, I suspected -- based on past months, my CM and my BBT -- that today (Sunday) would be the day we should BD. Well, when I woke this morning, my temp had jumped .4 and an early-morning OPK reading gave me inconclusive results. Last night at bedtime, I had mild cramps...so I think we missed my O day and I'm feeling so frustrated! Here we abstained to help my DH get his count up and then I go and miscalculate the day so we miss our opportunity! At least every other month we have felt hope, but this month we won't have much hope at all since we didn't BD for about a week before I O'd. We did BD this morning, just to do something...and there is a chance I'm still fertile, since my temp tends to go up .4 one day and then up another .4 the next day (which really confuses me!). I'm carrying this guilt around with me, because I'm totally responsible if we missed our day this month. I'm fighting with myself inside my head because one part of me is consumed by the guilt and another part of me is trying to put an optimistic spin on this whole ordeal. And my optimistic side tells me I now know more about my CM and cervical position than I have in past cycles and may be able to better read them next month. That's little consolation, but it's the best I can do at this point. What a wasted month!

Thanks for letting me vent. I just feel so useless!


Avatar for allyson03
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 11:07am
Oh Sara - I know how you feel, but you are being so hard on yourself! Please try not to beat yourself up. Although we like to think we can figure our exactly when we are "O" ing -- it is still not an exact science. Right after I conceived my DS, my OB-GYN told me that after looking at my temps. for that month - I definitely had not "O"ed. Boy was he wrong and he had been a doc for almost 15 years!

I know it is devastating to feel like even one cycle is wasted, but there will be many, many more. And you never know, it still could have happened this cycle. When we found out DH had his very low count and other related problems, we were told to BD every other day once AF ended through Day 22 or so (I am typically a very late "O"ter, if I do at all). Because BD'ing every other day would just have been too exhausting for two weeks long, I used OTC "O" predictor tests, so at least I had some idea when to focus. Even with a low count, BD'ing every other day is ok. With that in mind, you don't have to worry as much about the exact right timing of "O".

Hang in there and please don't be so hard on yourself. The last thing you need in this whole trying and frustrating process is to beat yourself up and be riddled with guilt. You are doing nothing wrong, this whole SIF struggle is totally out of your control.

With all that being said, sometimes in this struggle sometimes we do need to blame someone-or anything, just for a little while so we can vent some of our frustration and anger, just try not to get stuck to long blaming yourself. I suspect you are having one of those frustrating TTC days-moments and hopefully will look at things a little differently tomorrow.

As always, feel free to vent as much as you need (God knows we all need to) and that we are here to listen.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 12:28pm
Sara, how frustrating for you!!!! I wish I had an answer for how not to put so much emotion into each particular month. I hate feeling as if I'm assessing my life month by month and feeling as if each month without getting PG is a total waste.

I so know how you feel about trying to time everything and trying to factor each and every little thing in order to figure out when O is coming. I went as far as to buy the clearplan fertility monitor, as you know, and after 7 month of use and it saying "you will ovulate in the next 24-36 hours" I still cannot get PG!!!! It couldn't get anymore straighforward than that, right?

This month we decided to not BD so much until right when I supposedly, according to the monitor, O. We thought maybe we were BDing too much. So we BD on cd 16 & 17 & 20. The monitor said I should've O on cd17. Also I had really good CM on cd13 so we BD that day too (just in case).

Well, cd 28, 11dpo & today I started getting cramps and just now some spotting. UGH!!

Feeling frustrated along with you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 12:38pm
Sara, first of all I don't think you did anything wrong, so please be kind to yourself. AND it is a great thing you bd this am to boot. If you Oed when you had the mild cramping that egg is good for up to 36 hours (I say that is on the high end so lets stick with 24 hours.....) which means you still caught it!!!!!!!

Your temp didn't jump TOO much either, so you could have Oed early this am. I know I get mild cramping with Oing sometimes and I am not fertile for another 48 hours or more. Hang in there Sara, don't be so hard on yourself, yet in the same breath I know how disappointing it is too. Its like you have to wait a whole month to start trying again, but I am still hopeful that you didn't miss the O fairy and caught her just in time. Hugs Julie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 1:01pm
Sara - I wish I had words for you that would help remove the frustration, but the words below are all I have! ;-)

I don't claim to be a guru, you likely know a lot more about this then I do. But I know this month, was the first month I BD (I'm getting these acronyms finally..) well after I O'd. I O'd on the 18th day, BD on 14, 16, and 18 - but not until the night of the 18 did we BD. Then we BD on the 23rd and 26th days just for fun. I believe it was the 23rd day - nearly 7 days after the monitor said I O'd, we got pregnant.

The reason, is supposedly the egg emplants roughly 8 days later. On the 30th day, I implanted. I always get this spotting, I got with my DD the first time too.

I had never BD in that time-frame of my cycle up until this month. I travel a lot so I wasn't home, or we were simply too exhausted with our jobs and such. I couldn't believe that we conceived that far after O?? I'm still confused...but have some theories.

One, is that my monitor and temp is not as close to O as one might think. Or maybe my eggs last longer - who knows. All I know is that we did things differently on the other end - so I'm just trying to give you so hope that maybe if you keep BD'ing the next few days - you may still be successful?

I wish for nothing but great things for you - and like they say, you have next month, but I know that it seems eons away right now. Focus on this month - all is not lost - and think positive. I swear that helps a ton too!

Thoughts and prayers,