Bedtime problems again

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Bedtime problems again
6
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 1:56pm

I need some advice on how to help my little girl cope at bed time! Sorry to be constantly asking questions about this but we keep having problems! Maddie goes to bed fine, we read for a while, listen to music, talk and cuddle and then I get up to leave. That's when the trouble starts. She starts crying and clings to me and just sobs her heart out, saying she wants me to stay with her, that she misses me me. I am sorry to say that sometimes (often!) I end up getting really irritated with her because by this time I am seriously worn out and tired and just need a break! I've tried having DH put her to bed but what happens is that after he leaves the room she comes searching for me and we have the exact same scenario (crying, clinging, etc). I'm flattered that she appears to love me so much that she can't stand to be away from me, but at the same time this is getting really old, LOL!

DH says I need to just read her one story, stay for one song and get the heck out of there even if she cries. I feel really guilty about her crying though - this has been going on for YEARS by the way!

Any advice?????

Thanks!

Beth






iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2006
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 9:34pm

I am so sorry Maddie is having bedtime problems.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 7:53am

Thanks Angie! I think I am going to try it DH's way, maybe cutting down gradually on the time I am in there so it's less traumatic. It's funny because when she was a toddler I was NOT her favorite person, she only wanted Daddy and it used to make me feel so bad! Then she turned 3 and the situation reversed itself dramatically and she just wants mommy! I'm guessing that all too soon it will change again, LOL!

Last night I bribed her into being good for bed, she started watching "Survivor" on tv, which I normally wouldn't let her watch because she'd be in bed by that time, but I was on the computer trying to find a dog and didn't notice the time until it was 8:30. So I said okay, you can watch it till 9 but only if you promise there will be no tears or drama at bedtime. So she said okay and it worked out fine! I know using tv to bribe her to be good isn't the greatest, but at least it worked last night, LOL! (and it was so funny watching her watch Survivor and react to the scenarios! - I was just hoping things didn't get racy or anything, luckily it was pretty tame!)

Thanks again for your support!

Hugs

Beth






iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2006
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 9:47am

I agree with you, sometimes it is whatever works!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 7:58pm

Hi Beth,


I agree with your DH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 8:44am

Hey Beth,
Sorry I'm late to answering your question but I agree with DH. Establish a bedtime procedure - tell Maddie what it's going to be - and then stick to it. She's old enough to understand - and she's old enough to know you'll be there when she wakes up in the morning. It's almost like you have to Ferberize her now - even tho she's much past that stage.

So, tell her the procedure: we're going to get you ready for bed, read you a story, sing a song, and then I'll put the music on and I'm going to leave so you can go to sleep. (at least that's basically our routine). Then stick to it. And let her if she has to cry herself to sleep. Hopefully she'll get used to it- and it will stop being an issue. Tell her that she's old enough to go to bed on her own - that she knows you'll be there when she wakes up - etc. (Have you ever asked her what bothers her that makes her cry at bedtime? She's old enough that maybe she has an answer to that question?)

Good luck! Just my advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 2:05pm

Thank you so much for all the great advice girls! I really appreciate it! I'm happy to report that things seem to be looking up. I've reduced the time I spend in there with her and I've taken a very no nonsense approach to bed time. Since then there have been no tears and only a tiny bit of pleading. Hopefully it will last, LOL!

Thanks again!

Beth