Probably premature but here I am.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Probably premature but here I am.
2
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 2:14pm

My name is Amy Lynn. I am a former member from back when we were TTC our second. I am married to Ethan. I have a 13 year old son named Bryan and a 14 month old son named Wyatt. We have recently started TTC #3. It was a long hard battle to get pregnant with Wyatt. We suffered a miscarriage in year 2 of TTC. I had a cyst and some scar tissue from my first c-section removed and I got pregnant with Wyatt 6 weeks later. I had a little trouble at the end of my pregnancy but thankfully was able to hang on until exactly 37 weeks when Wyatt was born via my second c-section. I hope that we don't have the same problems this time around. I hope it doesn't take us years to have another baby. Our RE said it would be like lightning striking twice if another c-section caused the same scar tissue and in turn the same fertility issues. The scar tissue was attached to the inner abdominal wall and was pulling my reproductive organs out of alignment. So I would ovulate every month and we could time everything perfectly and take all the clomid we wanted to but the crazy little egg would just float out into my abdomen instead of down my tubes where it was suppose to be. But lightning can strike twice and I have a knack for being that 1% in anything that sucks. LOL I read a blog last night that said cycle 3 of TTC the next baby can feel like cycle 25 when you have fertility issues. It's like our hearts and our minds remember the pain and it feels fresh as soon as you TTC again. Like how you forget how miserable pregnancy can be until you are pregnant again so that you keep doing it. Maybe we won't have any trouble this time around. But considering that fact that I am on CD 26 right now and my body keeps revving up to O but won't actually do it makes me think it is going to be a bumpy road again. I poured out my heart last night to a group I belong to formally from ivillage. One of my friends on there basically told me how selfish I am being for complaining about my TTC woes because I have 2 kids. I feel bad for hurting her and anyone else in the group. And yet I am angry and hurt that I trusted them and she thinks how I feel doesn't matter. *sigh* Can I go back to the easy breezy way of getting pregnant like I did with my first son?

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-11-1999
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 11:44pm
Hi Amy Lynn and Welcome! I am glad you found us and I hope that you will be graduating soon! I am so sorry someone posted some insensitive comments to you. Secondary Infertility hurts too! All infertility stinks! I wish I could go back to those days of it be easier to conceive. I look forward to getting to know you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2008
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 8:44am
Hi Amy! I am Lisa and I have three boys ages 2,4,and 6 and we have been ttc'ing for 18 months. I completely understand how you are feeling. It doesn't metter how many children you have, it still cuts you to the bone when you can't conceive. I have had friends say "maybe you should just be happy with what you have" and I have no idea how to explain to them about the wanting that won't go away and how I wish every day I could just turn off that feeling of Incompletion. Welcome to the board and I hope your bfp comes quickly :)
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