Another pregnancy announcement...but

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Another pregnancy announcement...but
10
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 4:21pm

....it's not me.

My coworker just announced this morning she's going to be a grandma. She's my mom's age (mid 40s). I really am happy for her. But her DIL & son were not even TRYING yet. I tried to hold it together, but I broke down 3 separate times, lol.

My other coworker is so dear to me...my Dear Coworker, I'll call her. She's also my mom's age, but she didn't get pg for 5+ years with her DD! So she definitely knows how it feels. I went to see her this morning and she said to me "I just really need some good news right now". So I said "Well, I don't have any, but.... ---- is going to be a grandma." And Dear Coworker just said "Aw hunny, everyone else in the world...!" (as if to say everyone else is getting pg) and gave me a huge hug. And I just couldn't help but choke up. But she SO gets me. I'm so grateful for her.

I was late coming back from my lunch because I was talking to my mom (and crying, lol). I felt really bad being late and explained to the teacher (my boss, but also my friend) that I was talking to my mom and lost track of time and she said "Oh, is everything ok?" I HATE THAT QUESTION! I broke down, so we hid behind the piano while the kids read and I just cried. I couldn't help it! I know I'm going to regret breaking down like that later.

I hate that I can't get over this. I wish I could change how I feel. We're only on our first cycle...and I don't know yet if I'm pg or not...I just don't have any hope for it since it's our first try. But I've wanted to be pg for so long, it feels like we've been trying for that much longer. And my biggest fear is all these pg women I know right now (due in the fall and winter) are going to give birth and we'll still be TTC. If I can't handle them announcing that they're pg, what's gonna happen when the babies are actually BORN if I'm not pg yet?! Ya know?

I just needed to get that out....again. LOL. I usually need to vent multiple times before I feel ok.
Just 3 more days of school and I won't be reminded every day how I'm the only one who is not pg that wants to be....there are 2 grandma-to-be's now at work on top of the one who just had son #2, and one who is pg with #1. UGH!!! 4 stinkin' daily reminders. And that doesn't even include friends at church & outside of work.

I hope I get a BFP...not just because I want it, but so I can look back and laugh my butt off at how emotional I'm being right now.




-Kenna




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Daisypath Anniversary tickers














http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2b0ef2



TTC#1, Cycle 1

-temping since Aug '09

-secretly hoping the contraception would fail since April '09 (when cousin announced her BFP)

-finally got DH on board Feb '10!

-Kenna
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 4:36pm

AND I just started to talk to DH about this...because, you know, he wants me to be open with him...and he interrupted me and said "So you had a bad day at work because someone else is having a baby?!" I just shut down and said "Nevermind." He said he didn't mean it that way and his tone just came out wrong, but I don't believe him, lol. He so doesn't get it.

So here I am trying not to cry again, ha.




-Kenna




Photobucket



Daisypath Anniversary tickers














http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2b0ef2



TTC#1, Cycle 1

-temping since Aug '09

-secretly hoping the contraception would fail since April '09 (when cousin announced her BFP)

-finally got DH on board Feb '10!

-Kenna
Daisypath Anniversary tickers

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 5:22pm
Sending some hugs in your direction! It is bittersweet when we hear of others.... it's okay for you to be sad for yourself when you hear of pregnancies. You cry when you need to cry... let it out and know that tomorrow is a new day :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 5:50pm

Aww Kenna {{{HUGS}}}! I'm so sorry you are having to


 
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 6:23pm

Hugs, Kenna! It just SUCKS! After TTC my girls for 22 months, and now on cycle 8 this time around, I can't say it gets any easier. Some months are good and some are bad. One thing that's helped me and DH is seeing a counselor who specializes in working with parents who are ttc, have fertility problems, or have lost babies. We haven't gone recently, because we've been able to get a pretty good handle on things recently. But she did help us remember why we are doing this and how it's not anyone else's issue, even though people can be so insensitive.

Fx that this is your month!!!

Baby dust,
Chrissi







TTC Baby #3 - Cycle #8








Forever missing our little girls

Avery (06.23.09 - 06.27.09)

Cameryn (06.23.09 - 06.24.09)


TTTSNW.ORG - Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome Northwest: For Our Babies





TTC Baby #3 - Cycle #15


Forever missing our

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2008
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 11:54pm

I am sorry you had a difficult day at work!! It DOES seem like when you want to get pregnant many more people around you are actually getting pregnant! (My brother and soon to be SIL just announced their pg and they were trying either)

I would like to offer some words of encouragement though, you are only on your first cycle so who knows who long it will take or if you are pg this cycle!!! Keep your head up girl! Just think of all the people who have been trying for years and still manage to get through! I think us humans are so capable of adapting and enduring, ya know? Stay strong!

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 BabyFetus Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 7:24am

Lisa - our situations seem very similar...the only difference being that I don't have a DD, lol. I think I had a chem pg in March and I was talking to DH one night (I was late by that point) and I was telling him how if I wasn't pg, it was going to be really hard to wait. He originally wanted to wait until Aug, but once he was educated on how TTC can actually take several months, he changed it to late May/early June without telling me, lol. So I told him that night how hard it's been for me, wanting to be pg since April '09 and he was like "I had no idea you were struggling so much with it" and said he wishes I would have told him. I explained that I just didn't want to hear him say "Well, we're not gonna start trying now, so I don't know what to tell you." LOL. I really have to explain to him over and over that he needs to just hold me when I'm upset and not make those remarks. Even if I'm being irrational, DO NOT tell me that I am! Just let me be haha.

maya - you're totally right! My mom asked me tonight "How funny will it be if you actually are pg but don't know it?" While my gut is telling me this is not the month, it would be pretty funny! It only took my mom 3 months to get pg with me...so if that really is an indication of how it will be for me, then that would be great! I took them almost 2 years to get pg with my brother, though.

Chrissi - a counselor would be great I think, but not in the budget. I don't think DH would agree to go, but I feel like I could use it, lol.

Brandi - thank you! I definitely got my crying out and was better by night time. I'm the kinda person that has to break down, let it all out, then I'm fine. My poor momma has gotten so many tear-filled, wavery voice phone calls from me.




-Kenna





I work with 3rd and 4th grade special needs kids. This past school year has been rough because one of our students passed away at 10 years old due to a brain disorder. I really love what I do! DH is a self-employed painter and student...working towards his teaching degree.






Photobucket




Daisypath Anniversary tickers














http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2b0ef2





TTC#1, Cycle 1

-temping since Aug '09

-secretly hoping the contraception would fail since April '09 (when cousin announced her BFP)

-finally got DH on board Feb '10!

-Kenna
Daisypath Anniversary tickers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2008
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 7:55am

(Maya is my daughter. lol. It's ok though!)

Regardless I hope this is a short journey for you. It doesn't matter how long the wait is, it is intense!!

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 BabyFetus Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 4:38pm

Hi! I'm so sorry for your pain. Some of you may know me, (Chrissi...my fingers are crossed for you!), those that don't...briefly, I have a 2 1/2 and 1 yr old triplets. From the moment he trips were born, I've wanted another; my dh does not. I got pregnant last month, but miscarried. I was hoping to be apart of the 2ww this month (I track it even though my dh pulls out), but I was too depressed to dtd.

So...what does this have to do with you...well...I completely understand what you are going through. Yes, i have four healhy children, but my desire for another is so strong. When I see a pregnant woman or learn of one...friends, friends of friends, random woman in the grocery store...I get so jealous. I am happy for them and will be happy for all of you when you get your bfps, but I'll really wish it was me.

I torture myself by watching the baby story on tlc and cry through it..happy for the new life, yet depressed because by the time I convince dh to have another my eggs will be rocks! I'm 39, by the way.

Anyway, if you can, please try to have faith that life will work itself out. It might not be as you planned, but it'll work out and you will have your family. Heck, my dh and I thought we'd have to adopt and now I have four biological children...much better than what we dreamed possible (darn docs dashing hope). Ifmthere is one thing that you should never lose is hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 10:43pm

Rosa - OH I just now saw your name in the siggy :) I knew that was your DD's name, I just didn't see your name anywhere, so I just shortened your user name :) LOL!

opuhub - Thank you! I have hope that we will eventually get pg, I just don't have much hope for this cycle. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm expecting to be right, lol.
I'm so sorry for your loss :( I sure do hope you get your BFP soon!

Today was field day at work and my coworker's pg DIL came to help... I thought I'd break down again, but I was so good!! I even was asking her about her symptoms. She was talking about how they weren't even trying yet and that was a little hard, though.

After work, I went to Ikea with my coworkers for my birthday. Both grandmas-to-be from work came, too. One is very close to me, and knows my struggles, and she only talked about her grand-baby once...that I heard. The other coworker, though KEPT bringing hers up and I kept having to avoid her. When we got to the baby/kids section, it got so bad I grabbed my Dear Coworker's arm and said "I have to walk away...I have to go...now." So we went to the bathroom, lol. I think it's hardest for me with that situation because I actually know her daughter..and she hasn't even been married for a year yet, so it seems unfair to me. And they just bought a house, blah, blah, blah.

On the bright side, I got lots of fun stuff for our new townhouse!!




-Kenna





I work with 3rd and 4th grade special needs kids. This past school year has been rough because one of our students passed away at 10 years old due to a brain disorder. I really love what I do! DH is a self-employed painter and student...working towards his teaching degree.






Photobucket




Daisypath Anniversary tickers














http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2b0ef2





TTC#1, Cycle 1

-temping since Aug '09

-secretly hoping the contraception would fail since April '09 (when cousin announced her BFP)

-finally got DH on board Feb '10!

-Kenna
Daisypath Anniversary tickers

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 1:29pm

Kenna,
I'm sorry about your trip to Ikea. I have no real good advice for you. I'm sitting here watching yet another birth story on tic and crying. There isn't anything better than bringing a new life into the world that is part you and part the one you love. I just wsh I can experience it one more time...am I being selfish...maybe?

You'll have your little bundle of joy and it will be wonderful, special and only something you and your dh could create. Try to be patient..I don't know how to be patient, but maybe you can!

All the luck,
Laura