DH giving mixed messages! grrrr

I was in your shoes only 3 months ago.

Hello Ladies,

I don't think I have a single friend who wants to have a baby, whose DH really wants one too. It took me two years to get mine to agree, and only after totally bearing my soul to him about what it means for me, and what it will mean for me if we don't. We have 2 sons already, 8 and 5, and we were not "trying" with either of them. My DH and I finally had to come to some compromises in which we both had to give a little. Much of what it came down to for him was about financial issues, stability, and security. It sounds like this is common with many of our DHs :) However, I felt strongly that in order to preserve the trust and integrity of our marriage, it was absolutely essential that he be "on board" with TTC. So, we have been waiting for nearly 6 months, using charting as BC during that time. This is our first cycle TTC (and I O'd 3 days ago!!!), and I have been very forthcoming about taking my temps, etc. In fact, I think the fact that I started charting-taking temps, recording CM, etc-was good preparation for him. Now, if I don't hear my alarm go off he will roll over and remind me to take my temp. I think it's been good "conditioning" for him. That said, if I said that I changed my mind and didn't want to try for another, he wouldn't argue.
It's comforting to hear of so many other similar experiences, though I wish none of us had them! I wish that this desire was as strong for them as it is for us, but it isn't always. Nevertheless, I think in order to foster a truly honest, loving, and respectful relationship, you have to be transparent and honest with each other. That means being willing to hear his honest feelings and opinions, too (difficult as it often can be), just as you have all said you have been. In the end, I don't think it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Trust just doesn't work that way. Complete honesty can be very difficult at times, and I know this from experience, but in a healthy relationship it is essential.
Good luck to us all as we navigate these difficult areas with our DHs! Thank God we have each other to share these things with.

Best,
BB