Fear about isolation (vent)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2009
Fear about isolation (vent)
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 12:10pm

I'm new here and I'm hoping to make some friends.

I want to be a mother more than anything, but I'm terrified that I'm going to become really isolated after I get pregnant and once the baby is born.

I live in an area where there are very few people around my age. I don't have any girlfriends that live nearby. I worry that I am not going to have anyone to talk to when things are hard. For example, if it takes me longer than expected to conceive. Or when I'm hormonal and anxious during pregnancy. And especially after the baby is born, when I'm exhausted or having a bad day and need to vent. Who will babysit when I need to get away? Who will I call when I am just fed up and need to cry it out?

I'm worried that the isolation is going to prevent me from being the best mother I can be. I'm worried that maybe I'm being selfish in wanting a baby when I don't have a good support system already in place.

There's also a silly one that has been nagging at me, please don't laugh or think me petty..I don't have anyone to throw me a baby shower. My mom and aunt live down here and I'm sure they would throw something together, but I wouldn't have anyone to invite. Not only is it depressing, but it would be nice to have the extra items. I'm not destitute but it's a little overwhelming when I hear about other people getting all these things..other people's used baby furniture, clothes, diapers, gifts..we're going to have to start from scratch with all of that stuff.

I'm hoping that I can make friends on here and maybe mitigate my fear and isolation a bit..

Thanks for letting me vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 6:42pm

Yikes, how overwhelming it all must seem!

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 6:42am

I know exactly how you feel, to a T.
My husband and I moved to GA last Dec. and I hadn't met a single person or made a single friend. All of my family and friends live in CA and his are all in IL. I get the occasional phone call from a friend or family member and e-mails here and there, but otherwise, that's it.

I've no one to hang out with, no one nearby to ask for help if something happens, nothing. Its just been my husband and I. Last week, my husband deployed leaving me utterly alone. However, last week, the very day he deployed there were two other wives sort of near my age who were present. Neither had any friends here either and were completely alone. One has her parents who live about two hours north of us and the other has her mother living in the same city, but that's all the support they've got. So, while we watched our husband's leave, we exchanged phone numbers. I don't know a single thing about these women, but I spent my Sunday with one of them and will be spending the coming Wednesday with both of them for lunch.
Now, I know I got lucky with this situation, finding two other women in nearly the exact same boat (one also has no children and they were working on trying, the other has a 3week old baby), but if your husband or even yourself works, do they have dinners or luncheons? Does your husband have a friend at work whose married he could invite over for dinner and introduce you to?
What about volunteer groups? Is there a cause you support in your town that you could help or even getting a part-time job for a short while could help you meet people.

The months my husband and I lived here, I was so afraid of being alone once he deployed, but in all my fear, I never took the initiative to go find friends myself, to go meet people. I was extremely lucky finding those two wives at literally the last minute or I would be completely alone right now. Friends aren't going to fall out of the sky :(
One of the women is 3 years older than I and the other is 8 years older, so they don't necessarily have to be in your age group for you to be friends with them, so people just click even at 20years apart.

As for venting and looking for support, here is a great place, as you've already started to use it. You can also look into other online support groups/forums or start your own blog to let all your feelings out in.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Edited 10/14/2009 6:43 am ET by tictacash
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 10:11am

Thanks for your replies..it definitely helps :).

I've been sort of halfheartedly looking around online for playgroups and things like that in my area, and to my surprise,there actually are some. There's one close by but it's in a really affluent neighborhood and I'm not sure I'd fit in there. There's another that is 30-40 minutes away, but it might be worth the drive. Still a long way off on that one though, I have to get pregnant first!

I know most of the problem is my own. I've always been pretty much a loner and it never bothered me until I started thinking about a baby..then I started to think about how much easier it is with a support network. I read through the forums and noticed how so many of the moms had sisters, girlfriends, other moms to help them out.

Plus, I don't want my baby to grow up in isolation. I want him/her to be around other kids and other adults.

I am not working now. I quit my job to do some traveling before I started a family, before the economy tanked. I didn't really make any close friends at my last job, which I'm kind of regretting now.

I plan on staying home when the baby comes until they are in school, so I'm not sure if I want to get going in a job again and then have to leave. On the other hand, if it takes us a while to get pregnant, I'll probably wish I had worked for a while first!

Sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening, ladies :).

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 12:08pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2009
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 4:48pm

Thanks for your responses, everyone. I'm feeling a lot more positive today..I think AF was making me a little dramatic ;). I'm really looking forward to taking advantage of all the thing syou mentioned, melissa, and especially making friends on here. Thank you all for making me feel so welcome.

:) Mindi