He doesn't want to try again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
He doesn't want to try again?
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 6:50pm

Little freaked out.

I wrote the previous post about losing our baby at 20 weeks last week.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 9:48pm

I'm thinking that he's feeling the loss more deeply then he may be letting on and doesn't want to just jump right in and try again.

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2009
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 5:09pm

I think Sam has a great point.

I also think it's a good idea to table the discussion for later. The loss is still fresh for both of you, and while you feel that void, wanting to jump right back in can be scary. This is something that you both have to work out. The last thing you want is to "convince" him to have another child because, even though a child brings happiness, he/she will also bring a new set of struggles and I'd hate for DH to be resentful. I think DH has a good point in wanting to focus on your marriage - without that strong foundation and open communication with each other, what would happen when another baby did enter your family? You both need to be on the same page, and that is going to take discussion, communication, understanding and sacrifice for each of you...not to mention the dreaded "time".

I hope you feel better. ::hugs::

Kim, 26
Anovulatory Cycle ~ Provera to bring on AF beginning 7/13
Clomid 50mg CD5-9 ~ 1500mg Metformin
Next Cycle 100mg Clomid CD3-7
6/10: SA (Looks Good) ~ 6/11: HSG
Photobucket Forever Missing Our Angels ~ May 2010 ~ August 2010 ~ October 2010 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 2:09pm

I just read your note about your loss and I'm so sorry. My brother and his wife lost their son last year at 21 weeks with Edward's syndrome and (i think) Kleinfelter's syndrome (something like that).

she was done. he wasn't. they just had a baby girl this week, complete surprise baby.

my advice would be not to push him on a final answer because it might not be the one you want or can live with. if it hurts too much to have the baby things in plain sight, maybe you/he can move them to storage for a while.

Me33, DH31, DSD12, DD9, DS born 07/18/2008

Me33, DH31, DSD13, DD10, DS1