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|Sat, 04-25-2009 - 2:53pm|
Before I go into what just happened to me, I want to give you all a little background information on me.
When I was 19, I went to see my doctor because I was having periods that lasted 19-22 days with only a 4-5 day break in between. I honestly don't even remember his full explanation for what was going on, all I remember was that he said starting BCP would fix my problem, but that I would probably never have children. I guess because of my age, and the fact that I had no intentions of getting pregnant then, the only thing that mattered to me was that he said the BCP would fix my cycles. Six months later I was still dealing with the same cycles, and decided to take myself off the pills since there didn't seem to be any point in taking them. Two months later, I found out I was pregnant! Obviously, it was not a planned pregnancy, but I was happy about it anyway. My boyfriend and I got married a year after our DS was born. Three months later I was pregnant with DD! I felt so blessed that I was able to have the family I had always wanted, despite the fact that I had been told it wouldn't happen. After DD was born, my husband decided to have a vasectomy. I wasn't given any choice in the matter, and was just grateful that I already had what I considered 2 miracles in my life. Unfortunately, my husband decided that he wanted out of our marriage in Nov. 2004. I was crushed, but decided it was for the best and moved on. About two years ago I started feeling like I wanted another child. I had not really dated much since my divorce and figured it was best to try not to think about it too much. My friends knew just from the way I acted when I was around babies that baby fever had struck and I just wasn't talking about it. I would blow off their comments by saying it didn't matter how much I wanted another child because there was no one in the picture that was father material.
Last August, I met the man of my dreams. He was/is exactly what I was looking for, with one big exception. He didn't want any more children. I could understand why he felt that way. He already had five (yes 5!) with his ex-wife. We discussed our situation, and I told him that I would be okay since there were 7 children between the two of us. I love his kids as if they are my own, and actually wish that they could spend more time with us. (She has primary physical custody, which means that they are only at our home every other weekend.) I thought that we had all the family we would ever have, until March, when out of nowhere he said that he wanted to have a baby. He didn't have to convince me! I was beyond happy and ready to start trying that minute. Because of my past issues, I have only told a couple of my close friends that we are trying, and none of my family. I didn't want any added pressure or comments from the peanut gallery.
One of my friends that knows we are trying called me a little while ago. I was completely shocked and disgusted by what she said to me. She told me that she thinks that she may be pregnant. She asked if she could come over tomorrow and take a test at my house so that I could be with her when she does. Then she had the nerve to ask me if I would go with her if she needed to go get an abortion! It took every ounce of everything I had not to scream at her. She has one child, and has always said she didn't want any more. I wanted to yell at her for not being more careful since she knew she didn't want any more kids, but also for being so insensitive to the fact that she has known for so long that I wanted another child and would think that I would be okay with taking her to "get rid" of one she doesn't want. I don't even know what to do or say at this point. I made up a lie about my kids getting in trouble and quickly got off the phone. I am absolutely devestated!
I'm not really looking for advice, but just didn't have anyone that I could talk to about this without judgement one way or the other. Everyone I know either knows her or doesn't know that I'm trying to get pregnant, so I would be giving out information that doesn't need to be public knowledge at this point. I really just needed to get it all out somewhere. Thanks for letting me vent!