I lost it this evening

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
I lost it this evening
26
Mon, 05-31-2010 - 5:40pm

I can't do it anymore! I just can't be happy for my pregnant friends. I've been doing it for the 2 years we've been trying, but I just can't do it anymore. It hurts too bad, emotionally and physically. I've spent this evening crying off and on. Sometimes I'm crying so hard I'm shaking, sobbing and feeling ready to throw up any sec.

It all started with yet another friend announcing her 2nd pregnancy. She got pregnant on her wedding night, then 3 months ago she was worrying that she wouldn't be able to get pregnant a 2nd time (her daughter was only 8-9mo old)! And she has the nerve to tell me she understands what I'm going through!!
Also, just last week another co-worker announced her pregnancy.

I'm not over exagerating, all but 2 friends have a kid (1 of them doesn't want kids), or have had a kid within the last year or two or are pregnant again. I've been trying longer than them, I've had to have a surgery, go through fertility treatment (ok, so my SIL has had to go through treatments too, but she now has 2 kids and a 3rd on the way!) and I'm still NOT pregnant!

I know you ladies understand and I'm sorry this sounds like such a pitty party, but I can't handle it anymore. I need someone who does understand me and who I can at least get my grief out to. My poor DH just looks like he doesn't know what to say to me and his "sorry" just isn't helping right this instant.
I am in so much pain! It physically hurts! And to top it all off, my eyes are going to be puffy at work tomorrow (it's allergies, yeah, right!).

Thanks for being here, everyone!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 05-31-2010 - 8:01pm

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hugs,
Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2010
Mon, 05-31-2010 - 10:56pm
I'm so sorry you're so sad and that you've been on the TTC rollercoaster for so long. I can't even begin to understand how hard it must be two years into trying to have your first, but every day I hear about people who have struggled for a long time who finally do get pregnant. Good luck and *hugs*


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Lilypie Trying to Conceive 21 to 37 day cycle tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 12:10pm
I thought your screen name looked familiar....2 years. :( It sure sucks, doesn't it? There are no words to describe how it feels. (hugs) I hope your turn comes soon, and that you'll be able to find ways of coping in the meantime.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 2:29pm

(((HUGS))) to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 2:44pm
Thank you Laura. Today's a bit better.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 2:53pm
Thank you blackbird01. I know there is hope, but some days it just doesn't feel like it. Yesterday was one of those. Thankfully I'm better and I've got all of you ladies to talk to.



Twilight-Quotes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 2:59pm

Thanks Rish! I see your a bit farther along in this waiting journey than I am. *hugs* for you also!

I'm glad you finally got your DH to a RE. Funny how they just don't want to go. The first time was the worst, the 2nd wasn't so bad.

I too have had a surgery to remove an endometriomal-cyst. I never knew I had any sort of endometriosis until I had an ultrasound a year ago this month. I finally had the surgery last Nov and started fertility treatments in Feb of this year. So things are going forward, if slowly. Good luck to you!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 3:10pm

Thanks Sarah! Sometimes it does help having those who have been there or are there.

I only did one month of Clomid and then was switched to Puregon (injectable). At least something is happening, right?

It is hard when everyone wants to share their happy news. But you can only take so much of it before you break. I hit that point, unfortunately. I'll move on though.. :)




Twilight-Quotes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 3:15pm

Well, I'm not sure if I'll need more help still. The RE said the septum probably played a large role so to try 3-6 cycles naturally, since I O regularly.

Where was your endo? Mine was nowhere near my ovaries or tubes so I'm hoping it's not affecting much.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 3:30pm
I hope your surgery does the trick!
My endo was on my ovary (DH and I think left, I can't remember) and also a light layer was burned off from surrounding areas. But while they were in there, they also tested to see if my tubes are open, which they are. And they think I O regularly, because my periods are so very regular. Even with the endo! I seriously had no symptoms.
For some reason DH's sperm and my eggs just don't meet. My fingers are crossed that we can actually get an IUI this month. If not, I think I'm ready to demand IVF because I'm sick of waiting. :S



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