I'm tired, so I'm fighting back

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
I'm tired, so I'm fighting back
4
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 9:30am

I reached my breaking point today. I've still been struggling w/jealousy of a friend who's pg. She's now 4 months along and I saw pics of the nursery someone else posted and again, I got a sinking feeling. Then it hit me...I'm SO tired of it! I'm tired of not wanting to see her for fear of breaking down. I'm tired of trying to avoid hearing about her. It's really ridiculous of me. Being jealous isn't going to make me pg any faster...plus, I feel so bad for treating her this way (not that it's been obvious to her or anything).

Last weekend at my church, the message was on jealousy. He started out with talking about Sarah and Hagar...Sarah was jealous of Hagar for being pregnant. That theme continued on throughout the family history. Could that have possibly hit any closer to home?! He obviously related it to jealousy in other areas, too. He gave some advice for combating jealousy and the main thing that stuck out to me was to be generous...even if it's just praying for them.

So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm gonna fight this. I'm tired of these negative emotions!





-Kenna


Check out my blog about our new place! I'll be updating as the renovations are made :) http://ourlittlenest1.shutterfly.com/




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TTC#1, Cycle 2

-temping since Aug '09

-secretly hoping the contraception would fail since April '09 (when cousin announced her BFP)

-finally got DH on board Feb '10!

-Kenna
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:40am

Good for you, Kenna. It will happen for you soon--maybe even this month! Glad you are taking the "high road." =)


Take care!


Becca
Baby #3 due March 23, 2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 3:02pm

I hear you on that, Keena. I think jealousy or envy, is a very hard emotion to deal with, or control (I personally am of the belief that emotions cannot be controlled, but can be changed over time, but that's way too long of a discussion for here and now.)

Anyway, I have my fair share of pregnancy jealousy at the moment. The latest is a friend who is a couple of years older than me (so is now 42) and, like myself, didn't have kids (or even thought of having kids) until her late 30's. Then she met Mr Right and moved to Louisville where he lives and they an oops pregnancy and got married. Her DD is now 2.5. I just found out last week that she is expecting #2. In 6 weeks!!! As it turns out, everyone knew that she was pregnant again except for me. So for a day I was really upset by this, but then I decided that I was going to email her and congratulate her. She wrote me back and told me about the 2 mc that she had and how hard it was to keep a pregnancy. Writing back and forth with her simply made the jealousy melt away. It still creeps in every once in a while, but it's totally different now.

The other thing that helps me with jealousy is to think of what it is that I fear about my own life. Looking at my fear straight in the face is uncomfortable, but more empowering than anything else.

Shiri





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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 3:08pm

That's awesome, Kenna! Good for you!

When we refuse to act negatively then good things will come to us. We get back what we put out! I've seen it happen in my life many, many times.

Baby dust to you!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2010
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 5:30pm

I've found that actually seeing the person helps. When my coworker announced her "oops" pregnancy, I was upset but had to hide it because I had to work with her the rest of the day. Within a couple of days of working with her, the jealousy was gone. Sure I'm still a little jealous that she got pregnant so easily (I mean, it wasn't even planned), but she had her own problems and fears to deal with. She was going to have to prepare for a fourth child with a too small house, too small car and a husband who wasn't exactly thrilled.

Now that I'm working from home, I don't see her everyday, but we still talk fairly regularly. I think it helps that I don't have to deal with other people in the office making a big deal about her pregnancy every day, but I know I could go back to visit and see her and her emerging baby bump without getting upset.

Which is a long way of saying that I think seeing your friend might help with the jealousy issue. It will help you see that she's still your friend and not just a pregnant lady.