Its Over for Me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Its Over for Me!
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 2:59am
Well, I guess AF is here 2 or 3 days early. And on Sunday the seventh I'll be flying back to the States with my DD, and leaving DH here in Germany. I thought I was going to get to be with him until February at least, but I found out I have to go back. It could be anywhere from 3 months to a year before we see each other again, and when we do it might just be for two weeks. So no trying to conceive for me until we are together again for good.
I'm dying inside. I've been pretty sick, they say I have kidney stones and I am going to get some kind of treatment when I get home. The doctors here will hopefully give me something to make the pain bearable so I can fly, since walking has been hard for me even. Flying with a 3 year old is not easy, she tries to run away, and hates waiting in airports for 3 or 4 hours at a time. And her mommy is going to be hobbling through there, crying...and I just can't help it. Every minute I spend with DH is precious...I wasn't prepared for this, I am going to miss him so much. He's my security, and I have a ton of other medical problems too and he helps me with DD, and I just....I don't know.
I guess I can take the time to go to the docs and try to get some hormone testing done, I think my hypothyroidism is out of whack as my last two periods have been almost nonexistent, and I may need to take some different medications for my other issues too. Right now I just want this miserable pain from the kidney stuff to stop, I literally do not know how I am going to fly like this because I haven't been able to sit up either. I have a test on Monday to see exactly what is going on. I hate that my last week with DH is spent in pain and me crying constantly because every time I think about being without him I can't keep it in, and also having to pack 3 and a half months worth of stuff into a couple suitcases and prepare to go home. And have Christmas without him.
I feel like I'm going to die. I couldn't even get pregnant in time...and I thought I had a couple more tries, I was going to try new things. And I was on B6 this cycle and she still came early! If I could have just had a piece of him to take home with me. I feel like I am never going to give him a child. (DD is from previous marriage).
God please help me.
I hope that you ladies get your BFPs very soon! I wanted to thank you for everything, the support and finding ladies going through all this too. I really appreciate it. I wish you all nothing but happiness. I will think about you all! I doubt I will check in much after I leave, its just...not even being able to TRY,it hurts.
Thanks again everyone for my great 3+ months here. Maybe I will come back in a year or something, but you all better be pregnant or have had babies and are back again to try for more! ;)
God bless you all...

siggy from Tanya!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 6:41am

((((HUGS)))) Oh hun I am sooo sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Avatar for enosk
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2005
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 6:47am
Carrie, I am so so so

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 8:36am
I'm so sorry (hugs). I hope the dr gets you feeling better soon and any hormonal issues straightened out. We'll miss you and wish you good luck in whatever life brings you next.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 10:42am



I am so sorry to hear that, my heart is breaking for you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 1:06pm
So sorry to hear that sweetie! you have been such an awesome inspiration on this site...and we will miss you and your humor and knowledge of ttc! I'd like to ty again for the pep talk you had with my eggies the other day...they listened and I finally got my ch's! I hope the doctors deal with your pain and that your flight back to the states is bearable! Prayers for your family and for a Merry Christmas! God's timing is always the best!!! Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 1:19pm

oh Carrie, I'm soo sorry :( this makes me very sad for you and all of the ladies on this board who have loved reading your posts, and having you here to talk to. I really hope it isnt a year until you and DH get to see eachother again, I'm praying that this will be a short departure from eachother :)

I truley have loved having you here on the boards, and cannot wait too see you here again! (I'm gonna be on the lookout for you :) ) I hope that everything with your kidney stones, hypothyroidism is ok, and there is no other issues going on. I can't even imagine how tough it would be to deal with the pain, and have a DD to look after too, but you seem like a very strong woman and I am confident that you will be just fine.

God bless you and you DD, and DH while you are apart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 1:53pm

Sending tons and tons of hugs your way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 7:00pm

Huge hugs Carrie!

I am so sorry you feel the way you do!

Sigs made by hubbswifey, mom2jess_n_ky, and csmith17663

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sun, 11-30-2008 - 2:28am

I am so sorry for all you are going through.