Why is this so difficult?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
Why is this so difficult?
4
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 4:35pm
My best friend broke the news last night that she's pregnant with #4. She and her bf are really excited (this was their 2nd cycle ttc) and of course I'm immensely happy for her! But... I mean, we all know how this goes. We've all been there, right? She gets pg after 2 months, I've been waiting 3 years for my bfp and been told that it likely won't happen without spending thousands of dollars on ivf (which I can't and won't do). She really wants me to get pg soon so we can finally be pregnant together (she's getting fixed after this one so this is our last chance), and I would love that more than anything. But I know it won't happen. And she knows how hard it is for me, she admitted that she almost didn't call me b/c she was afraid I'd be mad, and yeah I am - I feel betrayed - but it's not her fault. And I certainly didn't make her think I was anything but thrilled for her. It just kills me, you know? Not just the fact that she's pregnant and I'm not, but the fact that I can't be as happy for her and share her joy like I want to! She's my BEST FRIEND who I only get to see once or twice a year, and I'm already thinking that I don't want to see her this summer when DH and I go up north. How horrible is that?! I shouldn't be this upset.
But that's my vent for the day. I really hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and if you don't celebrate Christmas, then have an amazing day anyway!



Jackie: 25
DH Alex: 27
Married since: 10/29/2004
TTC since: 12/2005
Read my blog: losethatsmile.blogspot.com




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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2001
Thu, 12-25-2008 - 9:14am

Jackie,


I REALLY wish I had the answer to that question. All I can offer u is some big (HUGS). My friend JJ is due 5 days after what would have been my due date. We've been great friends since 8th grade. Her babyshower is next month and instead of being excited to go, I am trying to find a way to avoid it. I should be happy, but I am just not. Sounds selfish, I know. I know how this feels and it stinks. Anyways, I hope u have a happy holiday and a fantastic 2009.


Candy


ttc#1 since 1/06


m/c 7/10/08

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Thu, 12-25-2008 - 11:12am

I want you to know that you are not alone! My friend found out that she was PG with #3. Her youngest is only 5 months old! I was really upset at first too. I told her even if I did not always show it, I was very happy for her. She understood that I needed time to process everything. Unfortunately, she had a miscarriage right after she told me. I felt terrible for her. I had my m/c in June and it sucks! Anyway, you are not alone.

Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 2:20pm

I know how much this pulls you in two directions.

Erin

McKenna 7 yrs

Liam 10 months

Baby EDD Nov 30

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 10:59am
"And she knows how hard it is for me, she admitted that she almost didn't call me b/c she was afraid I'd be mad, and yeah I am - I feel betrayed - but it's not her fault. And I certainly didn't make her think I was anything but thrilled for her. It just kills me, you know? Not just the fact that she's pregnant and I'm not, but the fact that I can't be as happy for her and share her joy like I want to!"

I so know what you mean!! I've now had 2 friends tell me that they weren't sure if they should tell me or not that they are pregnant (or might be). They know I desperately want to be pregnant and have been trying for some time..


I am definitely happy for them, just sad for me. I do try to show my happiness when I am around them. Sometimes it is so hard to not break down and cry though (like last night when I was around one of my friends and she had several people over who had around 5 kids under 3-ish there).


I know I'm just having a pity party for myself lately, but sometimes it's hard to not have one. LOL. I mean, all of my friends, except one who is waiting until she gets married in less than a month to try, are pregnant, think they are pregnant or just had a kid recently. At my work there are no less than 10 women pregnant!!
It feels even more frustrating at the moment because DH is sick with flu and I'm worried he won't be feeling well enough around the time I O this month..and it sometimes feels that he senses when I'm going to O and doesn't want to BD around then..but we can't help if work and life are stressful at times, can we?!


ARgh! You're not alone, Jackie! I hope you get your BFP soon!



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