Wishing I had good news, too

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2010
Wishing I had good news, too
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 4:02pm

A friend of mine IRL has been struggling with infertility for about a year. In that year, she's withdrawn from a lot of our friends, but she's withdrawn even more from me because I'm the only friend of hers who already has a child. It's been really hard not to take it personally and I've shed some tears over it because I miss my friend, but I can't make her talk to me. We've had two phone conversations in the past year and she responds to about 40 percent of my emails.

Judging by her Facebook status today, it looks like she found out she's pregnant again. She has a blog, so I knew she would be testing soon, but her blog says nothing about it yet and her FB status is vague (it's actually everyone else's responses that make me think she got a BFP). First of all, it really makes me want to test today, but I really should hold off until at least tomorrow. Second of all, I really want to share in her good news, but I feel like I can't call her, which makes me sad. I did send an email pretty much asking her if she was pregnant and offering congratulations if she is. Third of all, I'm starting to worry that this isn't my month either and no matter how deserved her BFP is, I'm still going to be sad if I get a BFN and we can't be pregnant together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 10:27am
Babydust to you, but even if you get a BFN this month, you two could still be pregnant together. Just keep trying!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 1:15am


I'm so sorry. I hate that not only do we have to deal with infertility, but we have to deal with situations like this. I think the fact that you reached out to her is wonderful. It really shows that you do care about her and your friendship. Unfortunately, sometimes our friends and family choose to withdraw like this and there is nothing we can do. I'm sure she knows, though, that when she is ready to be closer again you will be there for her.

There isn't much else I can say other than it SUCKS. I've been dealing with a similar situation. Our friends have all felt the need to hide their pregnancies from us out of fear of hurting our feelings (because of our ttc and because of the loss of our girls). No matter how much we try to tell them that we love seeing their lives progress in this beautiful way, but they still hide it. One friend is about 6 months along and we just found out. She just kept coming up with excuses as to why she couldn't hang out and we didn't think anything about it. DH called her DH and asked him up front what was going on and yep...6 months along. I don't think people know how truly happy we are for them. Are we jealous too? Of course. But that doesn't minimize my excitement for them.

Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread for my own whining. But know you aren't alone and you handled this with the upmost class and respect.I sure hope she feels comfortable enough to reach back out to you.

I will be waiting to hear about your test in the morning. I'll be praying for a BFP for you. You seem to have a really big heart and deserve a baby SOON!

Hugs & Baby Dust,

TTC Baby #3 - Cycle #8

Forever missing our little girls

Avery (06.23.09 - 06.27.09)

Cameryn (06.23.09 - 06.24.09)

TTC Baby #3 - Cycle #15

Forever missing our

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2010
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 11:37am

Thanks for the kind words. I did hear back from her via email and she confirmed that she is pregnant, although it's VERY early (she tested so early that I believe I got a BFN with DS at that point). Since we've been TTC #2 for several months now, I had actually worried about how to tell her if and when I am pregnant. I've seen her reactions on her blog to finding out when family members are pregnant, and they haven't been pretty, so I was worried about how to break the news to her. I actually thought that if I got pregnant before she did, that might be the end of the friendship.

But now, hopefully, this will be a healthy pregnancy for her and it won't matter when I get pregnant because she'll be happy about the news.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 4:30pm

My friend had bloodwork done today and I found out on her Facebook page that her HCG levels went down, which means another likely miscarriage. My heart is just breaking for her right now and with anyone else I would call immediately ... but instead I just sent an email.

I wish there was something I could do to help, but I know nothing will make this better, at least not right now.