IT'S NOT FAIR!!
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|Thu, 10-14-2010 - 5:49pm|
I am currently being visited my AF. I never truly understood why she is called a witch until now... This signals the end of my fourth failed cycle. I am 24 years old and lucky enough to be blessed with two gorgeous sons 6 and 2. I fell pregnant the first month of trying both times and so believed it would be easy. In fact I didn't try as such. So I just assumed it would happen easily third time around.
The first month I had a nose around some ttc sites, got the general gist of when I should be bd'ing etc. Waited patiently for 12dpo and then peed on sticks daily fully expecting the two magical lines to appear. They didn't. I thought, hey, that's OK, its only my first month, maybe I miscalculated ovulation or something.
So on to month 2. This time I became quite knowledgeable in everything cycle related. Abbreviations and checking cervical mucus and position of cervix were duly learnt and carried out. I felt certain that with all my acquired knowledge it was a dead cert. this time. Nope, along came AF after working my way through an embarrassing number of HPT's
So we are into month 3. I went on Ebay and bought OPK's and pregnancy test in bulk. Peed on OPK's. Ate well, drank lots of fluid, exercised, did everything that anyone had ever thought would aid conception. Even lay flat on my back after BD'ing (just in case it helped!!) So, having done all that I continued to help clearblue's profit margin and got HPT happy. Nothing... Again.
Month 4 I wondered whether I was maybe just trying too hard so did nothing but BD'ed every other day through my cycle and tried to relax. I thought, this is going to work,I know it. And no. :( So here I am now, Entering month 5 and wondering what is wrong with me, am I still fertile, if so what am I doing wrong. Its so frustrating, demoralizing and yet every month I find myself scrutinizing every twinge with renewed hope that this is my month. I feel a bit nauseous, my boobs are a bit tender, AHA that must be it, I am definitely pregnant this time. And I'm not...
Now I know that 4 months isn't all that long really. And I should be patient and there are people who have been trying for so much longer and have recognized fertility issues. But no matter whether its the first month or the hundred and first, the BFN is no easier to bear when you want it so much.
Anyway, that's it, that's me, I hope that I can help anyone who wants someone to talk to in their TTC journey or just wants to know that someone is listening. Sorry about the length of this but just needed to vent my frustration somewhere. Thanks for reading x