New here & needs some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2011
New here & needs some advice
2
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 11:47pm
I've been married for 2 years & I've been wanting a baby for a very long time now. My husband on the other hand has not been ready at all. I literally couldn't even say the word baby. Well in June we had a talk & he told me he was ready & we could stop using protection. That made me the happiest girl in the entire world!! It's all I've ever wanted. But.....we still can't talk about it & if he knows I want to have sex because of timing then he won't even touch me. I just don't understand. It's not like I'm crazy acting about it & the things I do try to keep track of I have to do it behind his back like I'm keeping a secret. I just dont know what to do, i still can not say the word baby. Why would he say he was ready but then still act like that? I read posts on here about how excited husbands are while trying to get pregnant & I want that. Badly.
Avatar for duchessdina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 12:37pm
Hang in there and give him a little bit of time to adjust his mindset. It's taken some time for my DH to get into the ttc mindset. He is the type of guy who just doesn't like to be told when he need to dtd in order to conceive. He was on board with trying since March but hasn't really gotten better until the last few months with trying to BD around the time when I'm O'ing. Try to give it a little time and maybe he'll warm up a little. I was told at one point not to say the baby word and he's totally the opposite now that we've been trying a while.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2011
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 1:34pm
My DH doesn't like me talking about babies either even though he says he wants one. I think it's just different for guys. It's only our 2nd month TTC though, so maybe as we try more he'll want to talk about it like duchessdina's DH.

How often did you two have sex before starting to TTC? If you suddenly want to dtd super often and he thinks it's *only* to make a baby, I can see how it could hurt his feelings a bit. He might be thinking "oh NOW you want to have sex a lot but it's to make a baby, not for the sake of having sex with me." But if you're having sex at the same frequency as before then that's different.

Do you tell him when you think you're fertile? Maybe it would help if you didn't. It's not lying to him, if he doesn't ask, just don't offer the info. I don't think DH has any idea when I'm fertile, expecting AF etc. I don't think he wants to think about babies when BDing or that the particular time could lead to a baby.

I think DH wants a normal, frequent sex life and when I tell him I'm pregnant, great. He doesn't like to refer to what we're doing as TTC, he likes to say that we're "not preventing and if it happens, it happens."

Maybe try talking about it and see why your DH doesn't want to talk about it. If he thinks you talk about it too much then don't talk to him about it as much, but come on here and talk to us so you have an outlet for your obsessing :)
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