Anyone here TTC and they or there (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Anyone here TTC and they or there (m)
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 4:29pm
partner have an STD? My Dh has herpes. We have already had children together and both times I've been negative for it. Problem is we have decided to TTC again and this time DH had an outbreak. I got concerned and called my doctor. They basically told me we should not have any more children ever! My heart is broken into a million pieces over this. The nurse was reading out of a text book and you could tell she didn't know a lot on the subject. Please don't hit me with "you knew he had this and married him anyway" speech. He didn't tell me until AFTER we were married that he had it (whole other story and counseling there!). Anyway, does anyone out there have any information on this or dealing with it themselves? Thanks ladies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 6:45pm
Hi. I don't know a whole lot about the subject of herpes, but I have NEVER heard of anyone being told they shouldn't have children. I have heard that if your herpes is active at the time of birth, you may need a c-section to avoid infecting the baby. I don't think you can infect the baby in utero...but I do not know this for sure. I would talk to a doctor who knows something more than the information you were given.

You said, "Please don't hit me with "you knew he had this and married him anyway" speech. He didn't tell me until AFTER we were married that he had it (whole other story and counseling there!)." Hey, who are we to judge you, even if you knew before you were married? Nobody's perfect ;-).

Good luck,


Avatar for robynanne
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 7:01pm
Whatever they told you is not true. My mother contacted herpes via my father before concieving me. She has had herpes ever since. I was born via a CSection because of this, but they never told her to not have more kids. My dad is an OB (or was before retiring) so you'd think he'd know if that was the case. Anyway, after me my mother went on to have my two younger sisters as well - both born via CSection because in those days, one section meant you always had a section. I don't know if she had an active outbreak at the time of their birth or not.

Anyway, there's no reason why you couldn't have more kids because of that. That's just crazy.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 10:32pm
The only thing to consider is whether or not you are okay with being exposed to it yourself. It has no bearing on whether or not you can/should get pg and have a healthy baby. If you contract it before getting PG, you would be given meds to supress outbreaks starting around 36 weeks and if you have no sores at the time of delivery it shouldn't be a problem. I'm not sure if contracting it while you are PG causes any difficulties or not, but I would guess not. But I don't want to give you bad info, you should really talk to your doctor. Any nurse who works in an OBs office and has to read information about Herpes from a book (and an outdated book?), should refer you to the doctor. Hope this helps a little. That nurse made me mad! I can imagine how you must have felt. Hugs.

Hope nobody minds my chiming in. I've been lurking a little. :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 7:58am
*raising my hand* i have herpes and DH doesnt. my OB knows that i have herpes and she fully supports our decision to TTC. i've read a LOT on the subject (as you can probably imagine) the ONLY thing i have found out about herpes and TTC (aside from the "c-section if you have an outbreak" issue) is that having an outbreak while you are pregnant will not harm the baby (I had my first outbreak in 5 years in the first 6 weeks of my pregnancy in october). additionally, my OB advised that i should not be surprised if i do have an outbreak while pg..because of the stress the body is under.

here are some snippets from "what to expect when you are expecting" re herpes:

-having herpes while pg is a cause for concern, but not fear

-babies can contract herpes during a vaginal birth with active lesions and it can be severe due to immature immunity, BUT...c-sections can virtually eliminate that risk.

-baby has 2-3% chance of contracting herpes if mom has a recurrent infection before pg (ie already has herpes before getting pg)

-if a PRIMARY infection occurs during pg (ie mom contracts it during pg) can increase the risk of miscarriage and premature delivery. there is a 75% chance that the baby will NOT contract the virus.

i've NEVER (never ever never) read anything about not TTC if one partner has herpes. considering that one in four *yes, 25% of sexually active adults* has herpes...if there were huge enough risks to warrant preventing pg if one of partners has herpes, you would think there would be a LOT more public information available on the topic.

my recommendation: find another doctor...and when you interview them, make sure you ask about the doc's persepective on genital herpes and its impact on TTC. you want a doc that is comfortable treating you and your baby, NOT one that is going to approach your care with fear and outdated information. hang in there,'re gonna be just fine =)


ps: and just in case, for the morbidly curious: i contracted herpes from the man i was engaged to in college. i was monogamous; he obviously wasnt. i've never had sex with a partner without telling him first (and let me tell ya...telling someone you care about enough to have sex with that you have herpes is hard enough due to the rejection factor, but it CERTAINLY separates the men from the boys! those who werent serious quickly took a hike, and THAT, my friends, was a huge BLESSING...) i've never had unprotected sex during an outbreak. actually, aside from the outbreak i had when pg in october, i hadnt had an outbreak in 5 years, since when DH and i were dating. and yes, DH married me knowing that i have herpes. is that the bomb, or what? ;)

Avatar for evyrosa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 9:26am
I'm currently TTC, and my DH has it. I asked my OB about it, and the only concern is to not have intercourse during an outbreak. I also asked about the medication he is on to prevent outbreaks and there are not alot of studies on it as far as I know, but it is released through the urine not sperm so it should be safe while TTC. We've been together for five years and I don't have it. BTW, herpes can be dormant for many years before your first outbreak, so alot of people have it and dont know it. My DH is not sure when he got it, his first outbreak appeared after we were already engaged. We're very happily married and actually today is our 3year wedding anniversary! Good luck TTC!


(Mom to Alex and Marlena)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 9:39am
Well I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to all of you that replied. I asked my DH to see his doctor and he did right away (he's such a good man). His doctor put him on medication to hopefully keep outbreaks from happening (DH only has about 1 or 2 a year to begin with). So DH will only take the meds while we are TTC. So we're back on track. I'm so angry with my doctor's office over this. They really need to update their information or have people who know something about it talk to patients. Grrrr! Anyway, thanks for your help on this! I really appreciate it.