Darned DH

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Darned DH
12
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 4:31pm
So when we were getting ready to start TTC I asked him how much does he know and how much does he *want* to know. He said he knows little and is comfortable with that. So, out of respect for that I have been keeping the "tracking" info to myself and just initiating the BD at the appropriate times.

Well, Friday night he just can't finish. Saturday was successful. And then today he out and out refuses...just "doesn't feel like it." He thought I just wanted to "play" and didn't realize why I was initiating. Or why I got so upset that he refused. Then when he figured it out it was too late becase I was getting ready to leave by that time. So I told him, either you've got to be willing to "know more" or you've got to just follow my lead. Now we won't get to try again til Wed (he's working til midnight tonight, I'm on 7a-7p tomorrow and he's working til midnight tomorrow), and I'm sure O will have passed by then. So again this month we have one BD to go on.

I'm so pissed. Well, I suppose there's always cycle 3

I told him at the rate we're going (last month we basically had one BD to go on as well, also poorly timed) I may as well just start investigating adoption.

Grrrrrrr.....Men are SO clueless.

-Jennifer

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 4:37pm
I sympathize. We're TTC #1 pending the OK from my doctor, but we recently discussed how hard we want to "try" when we do get started. I mean, do we want to just do it when the spirit moves us and see what happens, or really make sure we do it on the right days. He just wants to take our time and do it when we're so inclined. Problem is, I've been charting CM for 9 months (as birth control) and will continue to do so as we move into using the charting for conceiving, so I'm going to know when the best days are. It's going to be in my head. He said that's fine, but it's obviously going to motivate me to do it on those days, so I really WILL be trying. But, like your DH, I don't think he wants to know. Too much stress for him. So as a result, we end up being the keepers of knowledge yet again.

Sometimes I wish they could just try a little harder to think like us. Sigh.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 4:50pm
Oh Jen, sorry your guy wasn't where you were on the whole thing. You would think these guys would be jazzed when we initiate BD! lol

I think a lot of guys don't realize what an exact science getting pregnant can be. But this might give you the opportunity to communicate with him and make sure that it's just as important to him to conceive as it is to you and discuss the "window of opportunity." I REALLY don't think guys realize the itty-bitty amount of available time. I think they figure that the possibility for PG is ALWAYS there when you BD. Perhaps you can cut out a small paragraph that discusses the few hours of available egg time and leave it for him to read. I really don't think he's acting out of indifference, just out of honest not-knowing-all-the-facts.

It'll happen for you, Jen. And with it, maybe you'll be able to teach your guy some important girly stuff. See if he'll be a willing student. But go slow, he sounds a little shy in that area and some guys have a hard time with it at all. Maybe let him read while you're not standing or sitting over or by him and tell him to come to you with questions he might have. GL

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 5:10pm
I think it's a double edged sword, so to speak. My dh keeps up with it better than I do sometimes. LOL. He'll be like, arent you o'ing or where are you at or do you feel pg? It's sweet and annoying sometimes. Especially in the 1ww when he is driving me nuts about how I feel and what symptoms,etc.

So, just tell him that when it's time, you will let him know and that he needs to cooperate with you!

GL

Erin

Blessings, Erin

Email Me!! erinherron@yahoo.com

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 5:24pm
Mine is the same way. He really didn't quite get that it's only possible for a little while each cycle. He thought we should just BD when the mood strikes. He thought it would be too stressful to chart and everything and wasn't sure he'd be able to perform on command.

I checked the last few months (when I wasn't charting anything at all) and found that only once did we hit the "good" time for us. Now, I'm not temping or anything, so I'm sort of guessing on the "good" time, but we were no where near! I finally have him convinced this month that when I tell him it's time, he better get in the mood!

Mel

TTC #1

c4

cd14

Mel - proud mommy to:


Ryan (5/10/05), Dylan (7/13/07), an angel (8/26/09), BABY GIRL (EDD 6/28/10) and three spoiled furbabies (6/21/00)


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 5:30pm
Sorry Jennifer!

I totally understand! DH didn't want to BD last night and I think it was our last chance for this cycle and I threw a fit! I told him "This is the ONE thing that I CAN'T do without you!" Not BD inspiring words, (and I do feel bad that I said it), so I had to do some damage contol but it was tough. I managed to make a "Playstation" analogy and it worked, but gosh, I wish they knew how hard it was to be in charge of it all. It takes a simple (and should be fun) effort on their part! I have tried to keep the TTC thing out of it b/c I don't want to start performance anxiety, but at the same time, when it's "GO" time, it's "GO" time and we need them to be team players! LOL!

What, do they think? A stork is just going to swing by our homes? UGH!

Sending you hugs and BFP vibes and patience vibes!

Luckily, we are all in this together!

:)

Shelley

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 6:32pm
I'm with all of you - Don't you wish they could just leave it in a cup or something!

Aaahh Men!

Good Luck to all of you,

Jess TTC#1

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 9:31pm
Shelley I couldn't have said it any better!

Good luck ladies in corralling those men of ours~!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 11:40am
I totally agree with all of this. I spend the whole month observing, charting, and calculating. When I say go, let's go! Of course, it doesn't always work that way.

I chart too, so of course I know the days that I'm most likely get pg. I try to keep the whole TTC topic on the "down-low" so that DH doesn't get nervous (a BD-killer!). I've actually found myself initiating on days that weren't "good" days so that DH can't see an obvious pattern. :)

Mary, ordering a cup of DH. (Can I super-size that, saving some for tomorrow?) LOL!!

Mary, Mama to Gavin, Derek, and Tyler
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 12:35pm
Oh, girls, I am so glad that I'm not alone in this. Maybe DH's really are all the same. Mine wants it to "happen on its own," but since I'm very irregular when I do O, IF I can figure out when that is, I'm so afraid he won't be in the mood. And I freak because I know the chance might not come around again for MONTHS! If only he knew anything. I think when I do finally O, I am just going to have to tell him and see if he can rise (sorry) to the occasion. At least then if he's not really into it I have a right to be mad and not just feeling rejected because I tried to initiate and he declined.

GL to us all!

Brenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: rnvattes
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 12:53pm
Sheesh - I thought I was the only one! Last month was our first TTC #1 and we already had a major meltdown one morning because I said it was Go time and he didn't feel like it (I even gave him an early-warning the night before!)

He thought that I would be pg at the drop of the hat and it would be so easy. He was actually surprised when my HPT was negative!! I tried to tell him only 20% chance every month even if you do it right.

I've been charting on Fertility Friend which is a nice help. I think he is starting to come around. Next week is major BD time for us with O likely next Friday. I'm already giving the heads up to be "on-call" for BD!

Good luck ladies. Babydust!!

Sara

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