Delicate family issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Delicate family issues?
6
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 9:42am


I have concerns about my own DM. She is an amazing woman who would do anything for anybody, but she also curses alot and smokes as well. OVer the years all of us have tried to gently ask her to quit, and her response was always "____ off!".

When (?!)I get pregnant I'm going to want to stay far far from cigarette smoke, and further still when the baby is born. But does anyone have some insight on how I could broach the subject with her or deal with the situation?

Thanks!

Jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 10:04am
I have a similar situation with my Dad. He smokes and not only does he smoke but he reeks of smoke. My sister and I own homes and have set the rules early - no smoking in our houses which he has abided (with complaint at first). But basically no matter what we say, he will not quit altogether.

My sister, being pg right now and I guess even more sensitive to the smell has become very bold about certain things. The other day he was blowing on her son's stomach making him laugh and my sister told him he needed to rinse his mouth with mouthwash! He laughed about the "smokers breath". But I don't think it phased him at all.

I'm sorry this is more like venting a long with you rather than helping. It's hard when it's family. Maybe try to set your own house rules at first, hopefully it will spread from there.

Good Luck.

Tara - TTC#1

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 10:58am
Jenny, my FIL is the same way. He is in really bad physical shape, though, so everyone just lets him smoke because it is his one pleasure in life. I accept that he smokes at his own house and I just try to stay as far away from him while he is smoking as I can. He only smokes outside, but he often leaves the front door open so the smoke just drifts into the house. I just go up and close the door. A tiny bit of smoke once in a while isn't going to cause irreparable damage. You have to weigh whether spending time with your mom is worth the bit of discomfort that you feel. Just stay away from her while she is smoking, and if she smokes in the house limit the time you spend in her house (cause that smoke infuses everything and is the same as second-hand smoking just being in the room.) Good luck.

Monique & Junebug edd 6/14/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 11:25am
I don't want to upset anyone...but I thought that this was important info. I have read research that shows the chemicals in second hand smoke stick to clothes. It is just like breathing the second hand smoke.


Good luck, it is such a touchy situation.


Becky

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 1:16pm
My parents are both smokers, but never smoke in the house with my DD or nephew. If you are uncomfortable around the smoking while pregnant - give her the choice of smoking outside or not having you in her house. I'm sure she will choose to step outside. Just discuss it cordially, and let her know how you feel.

So many smokers these days don't smoke in their own houses, I can't imagine them smoking in your house if you let them know it's just not OK with you.


I can understand how you are feeling - I have a hard time asking things of this sort with my parents - I seem to fall into the "child" role, even though I'm 30 years old. It's something I try to work on every day. Our DH's, children (or future children) are our first priority now - that is our family. It's been hard for me to establish those boundaries, so I guess I'm just saying I understand : )

Hope it goes off without a hitch --

Denise

Denise

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 1:49pm
Good luck with this - what a difficult situation!

We had a bunch of family at our house recently and my MIL was smoking with my 5 year old niece sitting on her lap. I don't know HOW I would handle that if it was my child. I think I would quite openly tell the child to stay away from grandma when she is smoking, it seems rude but ??? :(

Hope things work out with you and your mom.

CSM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 12:19am
Wow - It's reassuring to know this happens a lot! Thanks for your empathising and advice. I'm not looking forward to the day when I have to have that talk with her. I believe she takes it personally when people ask her not to smoke.

This Christmas will be my parents "turn" to have us, and *hopefully* I'll have some exciting news to tell her. I think it will make the request more credible, but it will be a lot of emotions for one conversation.

Good luck trying girls!

Jenny