first time on the board and sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2003
first time on the board and sad
5
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 12:57pm
I've been reading messages on this board for a while but this is my first to post. Been TTC for about 10 months now. This month I tried not to get hopeful but now I'm in the Red Zone (just before getting my period) and now is when I do the wrestling with myself, "I think I'm pg! No, I'm NOT pg! Take a test! No, I'm too scared it'll be neg again!" AND this month my temp is higher than most AND today is 10 dpo and still no period (though I have very long cycles) AND though my breasts were super tender for the last 5 days, today they feel a lot less tender.

I'm sad and want to cry but trying to keep it together at work.

Does someone have a turning word?

Many thanks to everyone for their courage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:25pm
Christine, I'm sorry you're so sad. I've been TTC #1 for 1.5 years now so I can relate to your quest. :o) The WORST thing in the world is not knowing-about ANYTHING. This is my 2nd cycle using an OPK and we really tried this time around and I don't think we're PG. AF is due tomorrow and I took an early PG test yesterday and got a BFN. But up until then, the wondering was starting to bother me. I'll take another test tomorrow on my 14dpo and know for sure. Once you know, though, I feel that you can either celebrate or grieve and at least you have the relief of KNOWING. Yes, I was disappointed, but Monday I will call my OB/GYN and get in to talk to him about a Laparoscopy because that is what we talked about when I saw him 2 mos ago. If no pg after 2 cycles with an OPK, we'll go in and check the tubes for blockage. I'm sad AF is coming but also happy because now we can move on. I don't know if this helped but whenever I see girls on here saying, "I'm so scared, I don't know if I should test, I don't want to be disappointed," I think, you really would feel so much better at least KNOWING. Yes, it's sad and devestating, I've cried several times and that's totally ok, it's ok to feel bad. But then you can look to other avenues, try new things, see your OB/GYN and be grateful that as long as AF is showing, you have the opportunity to try again. I wish you all the luck in the world and know that your BFP will come. That's how I think about mine. :o)

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:28pm
Christine,

I am sorry you are down. This can be a terribly difficult journey. How old are you? I am 31 and my doc says after 6 months TTC to come in for testing. Have you done any fertility testing?

I know this process can be awful. I am at 10 DPO, and although I was not hopeful this cycle (BDing was off), I decided to test today anyway (post below what a dope!) BFN. I dont' know why I did it. I took a day off from work today to de-stress HA. If I had gone in to work I would never have tested. The worst part is, I had no test, drove to the pharmacy and bought one, all the while knowing it is too early.

My only words to try to ease your sadness is that you are not alone.

Tee

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 4:36pm
You are not alone. I think everyone on this board has felt that way at least once. It doesn't get easier each month, either. Have you thought about talking to your doctor? I'm 29 and will hit 12 months TTC right around the time I turn 30--which is frustrating because if I was already 30 I could go in after 6 months. sigh. I'm on cycle 7 this month and not too confident. I have already decided that the day I turn 30 I'm marching into my doctor's office :)

I wish you the best of luck. Keep trying, and demand that a doctor listen to you, if you haven't already.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 5:39pm
Hi,

I do the same thing to myself every month battling the no I am not and the maybe I could be. I hope things are different for you this time. Good luck. Christy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 6:01pm
My heart goes out to you, I think we all feel they way you do or at least have in the past.

I know I go through it every month, as easy as it is to say and hard to do, try and stay positive...............