How bad of a person does this make me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
How bad of a person does this make me?
14
Wed, 02-04-2009 - 8:28pm

So after realizing how bummed I actually am about my AF showing I've decided to try something sneaky, but even I think this is a horrible idea and extremely low, but yet I cant get the thought out of my head to go ahead and do it anyway!


The plan: SO and I talked about TTC a lot, I know he is ready for another baby (one of his own) and I know know know I am completely 100% cant wait ready for another! With this lay off that may or may not be coming SO is worried and wants to put TTC on the back burner for now. I on the other hand have a different approach. I stayed up all night went over every bill we have, including gas and food. I went over every penny that we have in savings PLUS what he makes weekly. As of right now we have enough money in the bank for 6 months worth of bills incase he does lose his job. Granted he will get another job in the mean time if he loses this one. So we have the money even after the lay off. Point of that being, it takes 9 months to bake a baby in the oven, so we wont really have to buy anything for 9 months, that gives us plenty of time to pick up something big every 2 months. Picture this. I get pregnant in Feb, in April we buy a crib/mattress. June carseat/stroller. August bottles/bed set. October lots of diapers/wipes/clothes. Plus in the mean time I will have a baby shower, bc I didn't have 1 with Brooklyn. So we would be all set by the time the baby got here, and we would still have money left over for things *he*

-Lindsey && Brooklyn 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
Wed, 02-04-2009 - 11:55pm

I'm with you on how you're feeling.

ME 34 SO 31 TTC #1 since September/08 First appointment with RE October/10 HSG November/10 - Left tube blocked Unblocked March 17/11 Fimbriae are gone though SA December/10 - 1% Morphology Swim Up SA January 2011 - Morphology is 13% doctor says is
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 10:21am

Whoever your friend is is either obviously single OR has a lot of trust issues floating around in her own relationship.

I understand that you really want to conceive and for most people here, that's a natural feeling. However, you are married...the thought of deceiving your husband or being dishonest is just wrong to me.

I'm sure that others will come in here and chew my head off but that's just the way I feel. What if your husband was contemplating doing some things behind YOUR back b/c he didn't think you would approve? Would you think it was okay for him to entertain it?

Your calculations sound well and good but what you're not accounting for are other things that matter when you have a baby. You planned out all the big ticket items but where are the diapers, formula, food, etc? Where are doctors appts, money saved IN CASE something goes wrong?

Like I said, I believe that everyone here wants to conceive and understandably so but to do it in a deceptive way is NOT cool at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 12:19pm
I agree with the previous poster.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 12:53pm

I understand what you are saying and had even considered doing something similar myself in the past!

Ovulation ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 1:31pm

I would really recommend against trying to trick him into anything. That's just not at all healthy for your relationship.

That said, maybe you can talk him into just not trying, not preventing & if its meant to be, you'll get pg. You might also remind him that even for people who've gotten pg easily in the past, it can take several months before you get pg. If he's not on board, then I'd wait until he is. I waited a year and a half for my dh to be "ready" to have kids. I know its tough. But, if you're right, he'd be back at work in 3 months and you could try then.
Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2008
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 2:30pm

I usually hang out on the VR boards but saw this topic and feel strongly enough about thid issue that I just had to reply. Having a baby is a big deal that radically alters changes one's path. A lthough you are sure he wants a baby there is some reason why he isn't wanting to try right now. Finances may play a role or there may be other concerns It sounds like you have thought things out but there are always variables that you can't predict..

If after discussing finances and job stuff with hubby he still is hesitant I would respect his wishes at this point. To do anything to ttc including casually but intentionally forgetting BC or timing BD for ovulation week behind his back is to me a HUGE violation of trust. Once trust is damaged in a relationship it is difficult to get back.. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. You BOTH need to be on. board with having a baby not just one with the hope/assumption that the other will be happy about it once its here.

I would sit down with hubby and have a discussion about everything you mentioned here and see if he can join you in wanting to ttc. Otherwise I would suggest to keep preventing until you are both on the same page.. Just my thoughts.

Good Luck
Kristen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2008
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 7:58pm

If your posting on here for random people to weigh in you must have some doubts about the morality of doing what your friend suggested.

bigbro
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2007
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 9:14pm
I have to say that I am glad you clarified in a post above that this was not your intention but you were just asking if anyone has thought about this.

 


~Kimberly~



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 10:01pm
Hi I dont think it is that big of a deal, if his time off from work is for sure only 3 months. During those three months would you have health insurance? If no insurance (gov't doesnt count) than I would def. wait till I had some. If you have your own health care or means to pay for the expenses and hubby is on the same page as you than I would say what are you waiting for. GO FOR IT and good luck!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 9:04am

Lindsey,


As fas as baby items go, have you heard of Free Cycle? (www.freecycle.org).


There's always baby stuff on my local groups, so baby items need not actually cost anything.....


Might be worth joining up an seeing what's on there.


I would talk to SO though.


Hugs


Julie


 Julie and Steven - TTC # 1 for over 2 years.

IVF  # 1 - Marc

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