I might need to leave the board....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
I might need to leave the board....
9
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 4:41pm

I have had so much fun on this board and I think all you ladies are great, but I'm starting to think that I won't ever get pregnant again on my own, and I know that no OB/GYN or RE would even take a second look at me.
I had my DD in 2005, only took one try. I have a lot of medical problems, most of which I had back then too, but earlier this year I lost my right ovary. My doctor left my right fallopian tube though, so that eggies could travel down it and sperm up it and so on.
I know I have been ovulating, my cycles are regular, and so that's good at least. But I worry that some of my medical problems are causing me not to have all my hormones exactly where they need to be.
I feel bad for all you ladies who have to go through fertility treatment to get pregnant, but it really sucks when you know you wouldn't even be able to get it if you needed it.
So I am sitting here only 4 DPO and I already feel like I'm going to waste all kinds of HPTs hoping to see two lines and I won't. Guess knowing that should make me not even test.
I am so glad for the ladies who announced their BFPs today. I especially like the pictures, because then I DO get to see two lines even if they aren't my own.
I feel bad for wanting a baby so much. I have one child and I should be grateful enough for that. My DD is from a previous marriage though. So I would really like to have a child with my DH now. And he'd really like one too.
My point is that it is kind of pointless to be here and go through months of watching and posting and waiting when you are probably not going to ever graduate, and seeing women who need help like I probably do get treatment from doctors when I can't. (No offense, it just is hard you know?).
I'm so sorry if I've upset anyone by what I have said, I want everyone on here to get their BFPs and have beautiful healthy babies. I guess I should just remember the miracle of getting pregnant with my Maddy--she literally saved my life. Maybe God just wants me to concentrate on her. Thanks everyone for being so kind, I really appreciate it.


Lilypie 21 - 37 day cycle Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 4:47pm

Carrie,


I can relate with you. The girls on here is what keeps me from giving up. I to had a child in 2005 and am currently ttc. We have been ttc since he was 1, so I'm sure you can see the fusteration. Never give up on your dreams.


Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. And Sings the tune witout the words and never stops at all -Emily Dickinson


Hang in there!


Darla :)

   
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 5:50pm

There's no telling what God wants and I don't think it's wrong for you to want another baby. It means you have more love to share.


I don't know your medical issues and you didn't share but I'm guessing you probably know what you're talking about when you say they're extensive, could inhibit reproduction and doctors would shy away from you. But I can't help but say that I think you should try anyway! Have you tried going to doctors and they say no way?


Even if you don't actively trying, maybe over a little bit of time you'll just get lucky. :) You never know.


I know nothing I'm going to say is really going to make anything any easier on you, I just want you to know that you have support. ((((big hugs))))


Camille

Lilypie Lilypie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 6:36pm

Carrie-


Don't give up.

Amylee

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 7:19pm

Don't give up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 8:24pm

OH carrie, i am so sorry for you sadness!! you do what you have to do, but this is a place of support, and you belong here!!! until you get PG of course!!

Please fell better and find peace, and know that one way or another things will work out. It might not seem like it, but i have found this to be true, as i muddle through my own trials and tribulations.
P&PT!!!



Jenny


with DH Tighe, 4.5 yo Janey, 2yo Edgar B, and Baby Bean #3



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+ Jenny +

Dh Tighe
6.5 yo DD Jane
4 yo DS Edgar
1.5 yo DS Hugo
Baby #4 due 08/14/11


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 8:27pm
Hugs Carrie!!!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 12:31am
(((hugs!))) I can understand completely that feeling like it's all just pointless. I go thru it every cycle. DH and I have been told by his urologist and my ob-gyn that IVF (actually, the more expensive ICSI) is quite possibly our only option b/c of his abnormal sperm. And there's just no way we can afford that, so we have to go without treatments too and just hope to god that we get a miracle. It's insanely difficult to deal with most of the time. I'm not trying to turn this into a pity-me post, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone at all. A lot of women, for one reason or another, can't or won't get fertility treatments. But it is definitely hard to see women getting help when it's not even an option for you. :(
I hope that you get your miracle bfp. And I hope that you can still stay on the board, but we'll all understand if you can't. Best of luck, and extra babydust to you.


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Jackie: 25
DH Alex: 27
Married since: 10/29/2004
TTC since: 12/2005
Read my blog: losethatsmile.blogspot.com




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 2:31am
Thank you all so much for replying. I really feel so grateful for such caring, sweet ladies here. :). I'm going to try to stick it out here for at least a while longer--I do learn so much about ttc and you are all so supportive. I know DH will want to continue to TTC as it doesn't hurt to try. He's much more optimistic than I am. I have Bipolar Disorder and when I see a negative I go waaaaaaaay down, then when AF comes even more. By the end of my period I am much better and trying to prepare for the next cycle, but that whole time when I am down is terrible.
I tried everything I could this cycle...pre-seed, instead cups, my fertility monitor as usual, sex once a day after AF and then twice a day 3, 2, 1 days before O, twice on O day, and once the day after O. Its 8 am here so I am now 5 dpo, which sucks because its too early for implantation or any pg symptoms. I guess that's probably a good thing, maybe I should just tell myself its too early the whole next week and two days and then I won't consider any IPS to be RPS and I won't test. I don't know.
Someone said something about my medical problems. I don't mind to share.
I have PCOS, endometriosis, a pituitary tumor, hypothyroidism, a spastic colon, bronchiectasis (lung damage on my right lung that causes it to get infected),a section of my colon closes off causing horrible colon spasms. I had my right ovary removed because I was in so much pain from all the cysts I kept getting on that one...the surgeon and my other doctor felt like it would just continue to cause me problems and I was averaging a couple of laparascopies a year to remove out of control cysts. The surgeon said when he removed it that it was covered in cysts. He said the tube on that side was fine so he left it. My endometriosis has been in remission since I had Madalyn. I had surgery to remove endo years ago but it was never too too bad, and like I said, having a baby really puts it into remission. When I got pregnant with DD in my previous marriage things were very different with him. He was not able to have intercourse so he gave me a sample in a cup and I inserted it what I thought was the day before, the day of, and the day after O. This I did myself because my gyno refused to help me. I got pregnant that month and they deemed me high risk, but I had a good pregnancy. I did get gestational diabetes but my doc said it wasn't anything I did. I took insulin shots and was monitored well and ended up with a healthy baby...she did come a little bit early but she was 9 pounds 4 ounces so the doctors were glad, lol. Since I have had Maddy I have had 5 surgeries. I have had a total of about 12 my whole life. As I said, I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, and also OCD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (I was attacked last year and almost died).
So I guess I am a bit of mess. I'm on disability. My daughter is healthy and happy though and my DH helps me a lot. I had no problems caring for Maddy and I love her so much.
So the point is, an RE wouldn't touch me...even though all my issues can be controlled with pregnancy safe meds and I grew a healthy baby once before.
Alright...enough for now. Thanks for listening...and I'm not going anywhere for right now. I just hope that I can someday get another BFP. Hugs to all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 6:14am
Hi Carrie,
I'm glad you'll be sticking around. Knowing you've been able to conceive and carry a healthy baby before has to serve as a source of some hope. And you know you have a good place to vent when you need to!
Hugs,
Lana

Lana TTC#1 since July 2007 Miscarriage at 5 wks October 2008 Chemical pregnancy March 2009