I want another baby he doesn't and .....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
I want another baby he doesn't and .....
3
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 10:50pm
I got married a year ago last month and before we were married my husband said he was flexible to having another baby. Well we both have children from a previous relationship. I only had one child when I was too young (17) and when I was 20 I entered into a 16 year relationship where he didn't want kids at all. I finally got the gutts to leave that relationship and now I am getting up there in age, I am 37, my one and only child moved out, we only get his kids (3 of them) every other week and I'm not done being a mommy.

Well 8 months ago my hubby's friend asked us about having another one and to my shock my hubby says he didn't want any more kids at all, I later let him know that this bothered me and that I still wanted one. Well I am not taking birth control and we don't use any protection but all of a sudden my hubby stopped having sex with me after that conversation for months and it has been so infrequent since like once every 2 months.

I have an awesome hubby except for the not wanting a baby part, and we had a moment last year in October where I was 8 days late and then one morning I woke up to AF or a possible miscarriage as my doctor explained. My hubby acted excited then about the possiblity of another baby and said it was sad when we discovered it wasn't going to happen. I don't know what to do about the situation because I married this man believing we would have at least one child together and I am craving motherhood in the worst of ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 11:27pm
I think it is important to have another heart to heart with him. Something has changed, if he was flexible before? And you have to have another conversation to get at that!! Children are not like different hairstyles-that you can decide not have anymore, especially if you all discussed having them before you were married. I think hearing him say it at a party was insensitive and definitely not the best way for him to express how he really feels about more children.

So you have another talk, be blunt,ask about the lack of sex etc. But you ultimately have to be prepared with again hearing an answer that you do not want to hear-that he doesn't want children. Then you have to ask yourself even tougher questions, can I still focus on having a happy marriage without children? Unfortunately none of us can answer that for you, I wish it was that easy. Just know I am here for you. Please let me know how it goes....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 11:29pm
Well I know you must feel pretty confused since obviously having more children was something you thought you both wanted. I honestly don't know what to tell you if he still feels like he doesn't. However it is a major issue. I would really talk about it with him and let him know how you feel and how you thought he wanted the same thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 11:53pm
Thanks for the advice. I plan to have that heart to heart with him because I miss motherhood so much and when his kids are here, or we are out at events I have my motherhood heart strings tugged on so much. I don't know why he changed his mind, all he could say was he wanted to retire when he was 58 and if we had a baby now the baby would be 18 then and he didn't want someone asking that baby at 18 what their father did for a living and all the answer would be is he is retired. I'm not even sure if I can have another baby but I want to at least try.