I want to die!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
I want to die!
47
Sun, 10-12-2003 - 7:27am
After a long night of thinking...I have realized there is NO point in me being here any longer...all I wanted is a baby, and she is dead, I love her and just want to be with be more than anything...thank you for all support and g/l too all!

See you in Heaven!

Love Abbey

Mommy to Isabel Grace b/s @ 40 weeks (6/23/03)

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...You make me happy

when shies are gray...You'll never know dear, how much I love you.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2003
Sun, 10-12-2003 - 10:28pm
I know a lot of people are not going to like me saying this but this is how i feel. people who commit suicide are so SELFISH and THOUGHTLESS and it just pisses me off! how do you think other people will feel once your gone? Do you want other people to go through what you went through with your loss? these are the people who love you and you don't love them enough to stay and get help!? GET HELP! I know you miss your baby but she doesn't miss you! she is in a great happy place with the Lord by her side. If she died then there was something wrong with her. would you want her to live with pain just so you could have your baby? i know you don't understand what God has planned but he will take care of you all you have to do is ask and his plan is GREAT! he didn't take your baby away to be mean to you. he took your baby away to be merciful to you baby. you will have other babies after time and the Lord have healed your wounds. stop being selfish and get help so you don't hurt your family. i just don't think you realize how permenent your decision is. you can't change your mind later so change it now!

Love in Christ

Jace

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 1:08am
Jace,

I'm sure you meant to jar Abbey out of her thoughts or something... but I think what YOU don't understand is that it doesn't matter to Abbey WHY God decided to take her baby away, its just the sheer pain of suffering a loss like that. No amount of rationalizing "God's Plan" is going to make her feel better.

And in a way, I agree with you, suicide is very selfish. If my husband took his own life I would be devastated and angry with him as well. I would probably be angry at myself for not noticing his pain and getting help to him. But once again, I think that in Abbey's case, she's not doing it for attention or anything, she's in PAIN. And death of a child is a very hard thing to deal with and just because it pisses you off doesn't mean it hurts her any less. Comfort and kind words is what Abbey needs, not someone trying to scare her off. AND we should be glad that she reached out to us, that means a lot. We WANT people who are considering suicide to get help, and this was her way of asking for it. This board is for support.

And I doubt that Abbey wanted her baby to live in pain just so she could have her here. I'm sure she wanted what all of us want, a healthy baby. And there's nothing wrong with her wanting that. If you haven't visited her daughter's web page, you should.

Camille

Lilypie Lilypie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 1:13am
Abbey,

I can't tell you how to deal with this. I can tell you how I read your web page about your daughter and cried so much for you and for her. I saw you on this list and thought it was amazing how you were able to keep going. I can also tell you that there's a reason why you're still here. God wants you here. No one expects you to get over what happened to Isabel. I just hope that you can find the courage and the strength to keep going. Your husband needs you and he's not going to be able to get through losing the both of you. Please know that there are people out there praying for you.

Camille
Lilypie Lilypie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 4:29am
I just wanted to give my support and tell you about my mum.

She had 2 babies which died a few days before thier due dates,she had my sister and I only after this.She always used to talk about how everyone including my father, never talked about them she resented the fact that no one else seemed to care, every year on the anniversary of their births she used to tell me what happened, what it was like and how much SHE had wanted to just be with them. She also used to say how much she loved my sister and I, in part because of her loss.

My mother died about 2 years ago, one of the first things my father said was that now she was in heaven with her babies. All the time my mother had felt alone in her grief, my father had felt the same way, perhaps he had not wanted to show her how upset he was, at her funeral he mentioned both babies by name, even though my mother thought he wouldnt even remember the names they had chosen.I am 20 I have had one miscarriage at 3 months.

Although I dont know how you must feel I do know that no matter how alone you feel, your husband and family are there for you in the best way they know how, I would urge you to talk to them, rather than letting it go as my mother did.

I also know that in time you will have your chance to be with your baby, after you have created a family here, as my father said at my mums funeral, those babies wait in heaven until it is TIME for us to join them.

i am sorry for your loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 7:50am
After reading all of these posts, I am sitting here with a completely overwhelming emotions. On one hand, I am so sad for Abbey's loss and her incredibly profound pain.

On the other hand, I am so amazingly touched by the words and concern of all of the women who have responded. Wow. I work in the mental health field and rarely do we see people appropriately take action when suicidality is expressed. The care and tenderness that has been expressed in this thread has given me chills and pride to be a woman! You are all a truly amazing group:)

Abbey, if you read this I hope you will find strength. If you don't have any of your own right now (which really is understandable) borrow some from someone else. It's ok. Everyone needs help sometimes- sometimes life is a little bit more than we can bear. Phrases like "God gives us only what we can handle" may seem silly right now. Do what you need to do to get through this. Noone will judge you- your presence means too much.

-alex

baby web sites
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 9:21am

Abbey, My prayers are with you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 9:26am
Abbey,

I don't know what to say or how to comfort you. I am praying that you find the peace and strength that you need to go on. Please reach out to your husband or another loved one and tell them how you are feeling. All of us on this board will be thinking of you and sending you our prayers. God bless.

-Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 9:32am
Abbey~

I cannot say anything that has not been already said, but know that you are loved and needed here...there's still so much ahead for you. Please be strong and trust in the fact that things happen for reasons that are sometimes unclear......this is a very hard and trying point in your life, and you must lean on those that love you for support.

I also want to agree w/ Alex~ this board is amazing and I am so glad to know that a place like this exists!

Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 10:00am
Just wanted to let you all know, I contacted Methodist this morning (I'm local to St. Louis Park) and spoke to a nurse who said they were aware of the situation and that a social worker had been called. I guess all we can do now is pray.

Abbey, if you're still here, please know that we all care for you and your little girl.

(((((Hugs))))),

Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 11:35am
OH Abby!

Please don't harm yourself. I know that you have people who love you and you have people on this board who truly care about you. I know this must be a very difficult time for you. I have often wondered how I could live if I were ever to lose my DD but I know that life must go on. I feel that God takes a person for a reason when the time is right for them. I beleive he took your Darling Isabel for a reason and it is not your time to go yet. You can still have another child and even though that doesn't bring your darling Isabel back, you must live for the children that could yet be born if you keep yourself healthy and well. Please find someone to help you, a pastor, a close friend, or somebody. I am praying for you and please let us know you are okay!

Sheree

Sheree