I want to die!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
I want to die!
47
Sun, 10-12-2003 - 7:27am
After a long night of thinking...I have realized there is NO point in me being here any longer...all I wanted is a baby, and she is dead, I love her and just want to be with be more than anything...thank you for all support and g/l too all!

See you in Heaven!

Love Abbey

Mommy to Isabel Grace b/s @ 40 weeks (6/23/03)

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...You make me happy

when shies are gray...You'll never know dear, how much I love you.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 12:22pm
Just wanted to say how great it is that people took the initiative to contact the hospital to try and let people know what Abbey was feeling. I only hope that everything has worked out for the best.

Abbey, if you see this, please know that you are not alone and you do have a purpose here on this Earth.

Dana

Avatar for annemd03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 12:55pm

Abbey.... Sweetie, I hope that you are reading these posts and finding some comfort in them.

Anne - Proud Mommy to Rachel Elizabeth!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 1:32pm
Sweetie,

My thoughts and prayers are with you that you are o.k. and are able to find the comfort you need in those around you and this board.

Christa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 1:33pm
Abbey,

I hope this message finds you. I cannot imagine the pain you have been feeling since your loss.

Our friends lost their little boy the same in May of this year. You have to see by the number of people that have responded to your message, we all care and are here for you. Please do not do anything that may cause harm to yourself.

I do not know you and I am sitting here with tears coming down my face just thinking of you. Even if you do not feel you can go on think of those people in your life that LOVE & NEED you in their lives. You parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, and your husband. Harming yourself will cause them the same pain you are running from. Not only will they be in pain but they will be ridden with guilt thinking that there should have been something else they did to to help you.

PLEASE call someone or go somehwere you can talk to someone about this.

Kathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 2:05pm
Abbey,

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know if there is anything that I can say that will make you feel any better. But please know that there is an amazing community of women here that are seriously concerned for you and your family. Please, please do not harm yourself in an effort to be with your daughter again. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I can promise you this...it will get better, it will take some time, but it will get better.

Please take care of yourself and let your friends and family help you through your pain.

Love, Alicia

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 3:18pm
Abbey,

My you are in my prayers.

There are some many people that care about you.

Please let us know how you are doing.

CarrieAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 3:41pm
Abbey...please , please, please post to us!

We need to hear from you. We don't even know you, and we NEED YOU!! I posted a message back to you in early Oct. I can't remember the question you had, but I do remember visiting your beautiful daughter (Isabelle's) web site. I was filled with emotion. I can't begin to tell you my sadness for your lost. I often think of the many many parents who lose their children each year and my heart aches for them.

You obviously are a cherished and wonderful mother. Rememeber, you STILL ARE HER MOTHER!!! That "role" will never be replaced even if Isabelle isn't here. You are her mother because you still love her, your still worrying if she is OK in heaven. You are her mommy...always!!

And that role will come again to you. You need to be here to fill it!!! Some precious baby's sole is there just waiting to get assigned to you!! Please be here to be a mommy to him or her too. Your capacity for love is temendous, thats what makes you such a valuable person.

Isabelle is OK. She's happy. But, she may be happier, knowing that you are here taking care of yourself. The grieiving process is so very personal. I wish it was something that you didn't have to go through. But you do. You will see the light. It will get better. I promise that. You need to travel in these dark dark places before you can come up to a renewed sense of self and hope. You will NEVER FORGET ISABELLE!!! She will be a daily part of your life forever. Thats just what children are to us. Work through the stages of grieving. Seek medical help. Seek a parents breaverment(sp?) group for support. Know we love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please Please post back to let us know you have chosen to be here for all who love you so dearly.

Marcy

Avatar for bethanees
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 5:14pm
I just wanted to say that I think you ladies are amazing! The way everyone has reached out to her is yet another sign of HOW MUCH GOD loves her!

Abbey, I also hope you are reading these posts. Again, I cannot say much more that has not already been said, but I too, encourage you to think of the people you will leave behind. Your mother and father, you DH... they NEED YOU!!! The pain they would feel over losing you would just as unbarable and maybe even more.

I hope you are able to talk with someone real soon. P&P thoughts to you Abbey! My hearts aches for you!

Bethanee

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 5:32pm
Abbey,

I firmly believe your little angel, Isabell, is waiting for her opportunity to come back to you, not waiting for you to go to her. I hope you have been able to find some peace in all of the words spoken here and pray that you will tell us how you are doing. We all care about you and are here to support you.

God Bless,

Kathy

Kathy & Liliane Avery (Lily) Dickens

Born  9-1-04 via scheduled C Section (breech ba

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 5:37pm
Abbey, please contact us again. Please tell us that you meant you were leaving the board, and not this world. I have been crying at my desk ever since I read your post. Your daughter does not want you to join her now. I wish I could reach out and hug you right now. To let you know that everyone cares about you. Please think of your husband and family. They love you and need you. I know you are hurting and that it seems as if you can't go on. Just try to get by, one minute at a time. Eventually, each minute will get easier. When I suffered from depression and suicidal tendencies, a doctor once told me that my feelings could not kill me. Only my actions could do that. Please, oh please, remember that feelings are just feelings and that as long as you don't act on them, they won't kill you. They may hurt, and feel as if they are tearing you apart, but you will survive. Please, for all those who love you, please seek help and don't hurt yourself.

You are in my prayers

Christy

BFd big sis for 14 mths. Hope to nurse Kyle even longer!