I'm so mad!!!
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| Mon, 09-08-2003 - 10:06pm |
"I understand being told you can't have children is tragic. But what's even worse is the number of unloved children who wind up in foster homes. I believe all children are a gift from God, and that in-vitro fertilization is one of the most selfish procedures around. If two people can't have children naturally but still want to be parents, then they should save their money, reduce the world's overpopulation and adopt."
The nerve of this lady. I understand that everyone has a right to their opinion, but to pass that judgement when you haven't been thru the battle of trying to get pregnant and not being able to. The desire to have a child is overwhelming, and the desire to give birth to one's own as great. I am by no means against adopting, and if IVF doesn't work, we will (actually already started looking into it), but to call me selfish for wanting to have a biological child with the man I love and married??? Am I being silly for being so upset over this letter? I just don't think you can pass judgement on my feelings without feeling them for yourself. I e-mailed a letter to the editor of People expressing the fact that I thought it was very insensitive of them to publish this letter when the battle of infertility is such an emotional roller coaster.
Maybe if we all e-mailed them, they would at least acknowlege the hardship of TTC and not being able to. They could have at least published a letter in support of those of us going thru the struggle!!! editor@people.com
By the way, there is a great article on Brooke Shields and her IVF battle. Makes us "normal" people realize that we are not alone in wanting to conceive our children. I really hope this letter doesn't upset any of you and if it does I apologize in advance. I'm really not against adoption, but I just think you shouldn't judge until you've been on the fertility ride!!
Desire'

Well, that was very long winded of me. Sorry about that. But I am glad you pointed that out to me. I am going to buy the mag tomorrow and I will e-mail the editor after I read the letter. Thanks for telling us about it.
Leanne
Leanne
Maggie 8/10/01
Mike 5/19/05
I agree with you. I've only been TTC for 3 months, but I couldn't imagine someone telling me I was selfish for trying other means to have children of my own. You're right.. I too am with the man I love and married...and "I want to have HIS child."
I will write the editor... thank you for the link.
Cathy
I totally agree with you on this. It seems that nobody really cares about how people feel anymore and it's so easy to play "hollier than thou" when you're on the outside. This woman seems to think she has answers for everything.
Fine, I agree there are a lot of orphans out there and I wouldn't mind adopting even if I had seven kids of my own - but then I may not even be able to. Those people who look down on us and say we're selfish for not adopting are the same people who look down on us when we actually WANT to adopt. Because when you apply for adoption, the first thing they do is check you inside out and find a million reasons why you're an unfit parent. Maybe your financial or marital status isn't right or maybe you're too white to adopt a black child and vise versa. Maybe your health condition isn't perfect for them (my God, even breeding horses isn't that complicated!)or your house is too small or too inconvenient for a social worker to pay regular visits.
And finally, if you get lucky and find a sweet little baby to adopt and think you've come to the end of your nerve recking emotional turmoil you've been going through for years on end, the biological mother turns up three months afterwards and decides she made a mistake and wants the baby back. And nobody, NOBODY thinks of you anymore, except if you fight for it - then you're the selfish, evil being that took a baby away from its poor mother. Spare me!
As for saving your money, didn't this lady ever look into the costs of adopting? I won't even go there...
I've seen friends going through the procedures - it's been ten years and they still didn't manage to adopt and I'm talking about people even I would love to be adopted by.
But what it really comes down to is that NOBODY has the right to judge others, especially when it comes down to such emotional issues. People who think they know better what others need, are usually people who need to learn how to respect themselves first.
Sorry for the long reply but people like her piss me off! Good luck in your effort and may you bear all the children your heart desires!
I do agree with some of the last poster, that in the end, all conception is out of our hands. Even though medical science has learned so much, doctors admit they don't understand everything and probably never will. I don't think using fertility drugs or IVF is in any way against God's will any more than using medical science to heal the sick, prevent disease, etc. Those are tools that have been given to us, but the final outcome is never in human hands.
Anyway, I also think that some people do forget that one of the strongest human (and animal) instincts is to reproduce, create new life from your self. No matter how long or expensive the process that drive can be so strong that it doesn't matter. Its a very part of human nature that can't be taken away or reasoned away etc. I do strongly support adoption for those who choose it, but it has to be a choice. And I like that someone pointed out that adoption isn't exactly a short and cheap process either!
My husband and I do want a biological child, but we also think we would love to adopt or foster a child. The two aren't mutually exclusive.
Vicki
I think this is not a topic that should be discussed in such a forum and the writers of people should be embarrased that they printed it.
I will definatley be sending them a piece of my mind!
Thanks for the info
Kathy
As a person that has been trying to concieve my own child for sometime I am highly offended by this statement. I understand that whomever wrote it is entilted to his/her own opinions and I respect that. However, I do not think that it was the proper forum to air it.
HA! That's it- I'm writing a letter.
Tara
Tara~ co-cl of Pregnant after TTC