intro and any advice for a shaky newbie?

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Registered: 03-28-2003
intro and any advice for a shaky newbie?
8
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 3:05pm
Hi Everyone,

Well, my DH (30) and I (31 in October) have decided to take the plunge and start to TTC our first. I called the Dr. this morning to book my first "conversation" with her and felt so weird. I guess it's one thing to feel in your gut that you're ready to have a baby and it's another to look around you at all the worries and financial responsibilities in your life... Sometimes I think we're crazy but I can hear that clock ticking, especially if we want to have more than one... It seems that everywhere I look - books, websites, etc. - women over 30 are described as 'older' mothers... It's freaking me out!!

How did everyone else fare with their first? I'm interested in stories about leaps of faith just to make myself feel better (lol)... As I think ahead to our adventures in TTC I'm scared that it'll take months or years. I read some of the stories on these boards and I don't know how you ladies do it... You must have oceans of courage...

Is it normal to feel such trepidation along with such WANTING???

Thanks for your support...

Lauren

C1 CD2

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 3:20pm
Hi Lauren,

Congrats on taking the plunge!! My dh(28) and I (30) starting TTC#1 last month. I know exactly what you mean about being so nervous and so ready at the same time! My dh was laid off from his job and was out of work for 6 months last year...we had only been in our house 4 months and married 6 months when he got the news...but we are back on our feet (is anyone really ever on their feet) and working on baby #1.

I went to my OB/GYN in May for my regular annual check up and talked to her about having children then. I was so nervous to say it out loud. It is so exciting and so scary at the same time. Good luck to you and welcome to the boards!

:) Alicia TTC#1, C#1, CD#44

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 3:23pm
Hi, we haven't had our first yet, but couldn't help but post.

Some days I want a baby so bad it's like a physical hurt, if that's possible.

Some days I worry about things like $$, time, etc.

After spending the weekend with my sisters kids (5 & 2), it's coming pretty clear that the first set of days are outnumbering those worrying days.

Mary

Mary, Mama to Gavin, Derek, and Tyler
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 3:42pm
Hi all. Kat(27) and DH Joe(29). we already have dd(3), but we've been ttc#2 since January. With bby#1, the pregnancy was unexpected. She's the greatest joy of my life. I've just started having those biological clock feelings. So Dh and I decided to try again for bby#2. Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 3:57pm
Congrats on starting to TTC! It's a wild roller coaster and this board will get you through.

First off, YOU ARE NOT AN OLDER MOTHER!!! I'm 30 too and our chances of conception haven't drastically dropped off yet at all! Sorry to yell, but 30 is still young and you are healthy. You'll be fine. Don't read anything that calls you an older mother!!!

Good luck to you! It is hard and you might have days where a cruise or new job might sound better, but when you get that BFP nothing else matters, but having that little baby. Plus, when you are a YOUNG 30 year old, you've already done so much in your life. We waited until I was 30 and DH was 33 to try b/c we wanted to travel, try to get financially stable, have fun as a couple, and feel comfortable with ourselves as a couple and individually.


GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!

Cat

EDD 5.11-13.04

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 3:59pm
:O) It was nice to read all of your messages while planning your firsts...I've got good news!!...you're feelings are totally normal. We're planning our 5th..and still, I get a little anxious if I stop and think of the totality of it all. Good thing is though...you get to do it one day at a time. And somehow...by the time it's steamboat time, you know how to steam. All of your fears will be benign. I too am 31 and I was 23 when I had my first. I wanted nothing more than to have a baby. I longed for a car seat in the back of my car. I'm sure there were hundreds of things like that I thought of...I just remember this one in particular...heading to church one day and it occuring to me that I wanted to be a Mother and thinking...I can't wait til I have a carseat in the backseat, oh, and I baby in my arms. With my first I was literally jealous of even my family holding her, I was so taken. So in love. When I was in labor with my second child, another daughter...I was worried that she would somehow not fit with us. That was my chief worry during my second pregnancy. But somewhere between labor..and actually delivering her and touching her...grace took over...and it fits like magic, as if it always had been, no beginning, no end to that love. It's those moments that teach you that family is something extraordinary. If ever there was a love that truly could build a bridge, it's between a Mother and her child. Maybe worry is part of the preparation...but calm yourself, these things really do have a way of taking care of themselves. I guess that's where faith comes into play. There's nothing like it in the world. Motherhood won't let you down. Faith, hope and love to you all...Amanda
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 4:27pm
Wow, Amanda! If I wasn't sure about being a mom before reading your post, I certainly am now! Thank you so much for posting your experience as a mom...the tears are welling up as I type this :) (good tears of course) Your words of encouragement soothe all the anxiety of getting pregnant and preparing for such a wonderful new path.

Thanks again,

Alicia :)

Avatar for bstsail
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 4:41pm
Alicia ~

I can relate... I am turning 30 this month and DH is 32. We let nature run it's course for a year without success so this past June we starting "trying." There are times when I wonder if I am really ready to make the committment of time, money, etc. But then there are times when I get so excited about it I can hardly wait. One day I came home from the mall and I said to DH "I know now that I am really ready because I was at the mall and there was this really cute little kid dancing to the store music and I got tears in my eyes." He said "I know I am ready because I was at the grocery store and the woman in front of me had a screaming kid and I though 'oh - how cute'"!!! I LOL - he may be more ready then me!!! Still it is hard not to get obsessed with being "ready" and what does that mean etc. (hey, I am a virgo - I can't help it) so that is why this board is so great - I can focus on TTC and taking a little bit of control of this process so I don't get all nervous/stressed and worried about the motherhood piece of it - that will come and I will have time once I get a BFP!!

so good luck - I hope your stay here is short!

Laura

TTC#1, C4, CD15

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 7:46pm
Hi everyone, thanks for all your comments. They've helped me see that people come into this with a whole gammut of experiences but always not really knowing what the future holds so how can anyone help feeling a wee bit nervous!! And, Cat, thanks for setting me straight about my OLDER WOMAN fears... You're right! I'm not one, I know... Forthwith I will stop reading anyone who equates 31 with 'older'.

Baby dust to all of you and my DH and I will see what happens. Today we decided to hold off a little bit, just until Oct/Nov, but we're both on the vitamins (C, Zinc, E, and prenatal - well, he's not on prenatal:\!