Just need to vent about DH
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Just need to vent about DH
| Thu, 08-07-2003 - 11:05am |
While he has been great about a lot of things through our marriage, we got into a "discussion" last night when I was trying to explain my frustration with my body to date. I'm only in C3, TTC #1, but wanted to start a year ago and waited because he wasn't ready and didn't feel we were financially in the right place. Fine. He wanted to start this fall, I talked him into June instead. Fine he says, go off the pill. Let's see what happens. But every time I get AF he's more relieved than anything else. Well, you didn't expect it to happen right away, did you? You've got lots of time, he says. We need you working at least another 12 months anyway to pay for everything, he says. (I'm lacking furniture in more rooms than I care to think about right now.) So last night I say I don't think you're really into this and I think you're only doing it to placate me. He says I'm not sure you want a baby for the right reasons. Are you sure you aren't just wanting it so you can leave your job? (Ok, I admit that will be a nice bonus, but, ladies, the clock is ticking!) Then he decides he's offended with my suggestion that he doesn't want a baby and ends the discussion. (I'm NOT finished, let me tell you.) I plan to tell him, Wanna know why I think you're not really into this? When was the last time you initiated sex? Prior to TTC, let me tell you! UGH! I know he's busy (working + PhD student), and I know I'm pretty PMS-y right now, but am I the only one unhappy with my body right now? I'm sorry to complain, but you ladies are about the only ones ouside of my husband I can talk to about this! We both decided not to tell anyone else we're TTC--don't want friends or family monitoring our fertility that closely. You have been wonderful for the past few months--even lurking (which I do most of the time) I've felt so much less alone in the emotions and "symptoms" I've been running through. I don't know. I know this is heightened by hormones and the onset of another AF (started spotting this am--6 days early), but couldn't he at least NOT be so unemotional about her arrival?! Is/has anyone else experienced this with DH? Is he just being a normal guy? I know he'll be a great dad and is mightily distracted with the PhD thing right now, but I'm just not feeling the support from him that I'd like.
Thanks for listening!
AJ

I'm sorry DH is giving you fits. Mine does a lot of the same things. When he decided it was okay to go off BCP I was more that happy. He said the same thing. Last month when AF showed up 7 days early I called him and said, no baby this month. He had the nerve to say "did you thing it would really happen this quick?" It was cycle 3 not like our first cycle or anything. When I try to tell him what is going on with my body, he just doesn't hear me. He completely tones me out. It drives me crazy. I know he wants to be a daddy, but sometimes, I think I want it more.
Sorry to vent to you
HTH
Jenn
Sorry if I'm offering any solutions, but at least you'll know that you're not alone!
{{{{Hugs}}}}
Last month when I got AF (a couple of days before my birthday)and told DH it was as if I told him I have blonde hair. He reacted as if it was a non-news issue. I was so hopeful my body would give me a special birthday present. My DH really is behind having a baby and had this reaction. He understands my craziness to an extent but just doesn't get it like all you other gals. I think it is a guy thing. Which is hard for me to say because I usually don't group things like that. Maybe wait a few days until the PMS blows over and then talk to him about everything. Maybe he is just stressed over school and stuff. Personally I don't think it is right for him to feel offended and so end the conversation. If he is really offended you guys need to talk it through. Maybe he knows there is some truth to your accusation and is trying to dodge the bullet? I wish you both the best! By the way...are you sure the spotting isn't inplantation bleeding?
Goodluck,
Chrissy
Then, when it does happen, I'm sure he'll be on board 100%!
Hang in there!
Maybe you can sit down again tonight and explain to him how your clock is ticking. If he makes another nasty comment like "you just don't want to work", I'd walk away. Let him know it really bugs you but don't let your body get upset. That's the last thing you need an upset body when you are TTC.
Good luck!
Aggggh, I totally would not have gotten married if I knew this was how he felt. I love him so much but I feel decieved by the "I'm flexible to having another baby" line. He acted excited when we thought there was a possibility that I might be pregnant and let down when we weren't so I am a bit confused by his actions. But since the convo about him not wanting to have a baby, sex has been so infrequent I can count on 1 hand how many times its happened.