A little concerned...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2011
A little concerned...
6
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 1:42pm

I know that there's a chance I am completely blowing this out of proportion, but I have to see if this has happened to any one else. This could be a little TMI, so sorry :-(. AF came and went last week, much to my displeasure, but come Monday I was ready to jump right back into the game and start trying. Well Monday night DH wasn't feeling to well so of course, nothing happened. Well Tuesday morning DD slept in late so we decided to take the opportunity. DH has Monday and Tuesdays off, both day and night so those are really our only chances to "get it done", unless we have the energy when he gets home in the mornings. So last night after dinner and a movie I have DH take DD up to bed and get her settled, and as he's walking up the stairs I make a small comment to him (just trying to keep things interesting in the bedroom). He kind of smiles and chuckles then continues taking her upstairs. DD gets all tucked in and we both go back downstairs, where I again make another comment. Well I take a better look at his face and realize that the smile/chuckle isn't really sincere. It's more of a "if I have to" look. I ask him whats wrong, and to make a very long story short...He informed me that not just this night, but many other nights he has to "force himself" to do it. And he doesn't know why, but he's just never in the mood. With next week being THE WEEK, I'm kind of nervous he won't want to and that of course means another month lost TTC. I don't know if there's some underlying problem causing his lack of drive, or if it's just stress, or what, but it's concerning to me. Is it something I should just let be and if it doesn't change with time bring it up again or should I be concerned that there's something wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2011
Thu, 10-06-2011 - 3:36pm

Thanks for all the imput ladies! I will definitely talk to DH about going to the dr's for a quick check-up. I am more sure now that it's probably just stress over things happening in our lives. I know we both really want another baby soon, so I guess it's also possible that he's feeling pressure to get it done RIGHT NOW. Which in return is making it hard for him to actually get it done lol. There aren't really any guys he knows that he could talk to about this, so I hope he can feel comfortable confiding in me. Time will tell. Again, thanks so much ladies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 8:38pm
I have also read on here that even though some dhs are totally on board, they sometimes get "performance anxiety". Some have trouble starting, finishing. Mine has had stress at work so I've tried to relax this month and take what I can get, as hard as that is. Maybe that's why I'm still here but I don't want to turn it into too much of a chore. I like that you are making comments in advance. If it is something lasting, is he comfortable with talking to someone?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 8:15pm
We go through ups & downs with dh's libido too -he works long, hard hours & he gets tired. Given the choice, some nights he would much rather sleep than dtd & so would I, but come "O" time, he gets put on notice that he needs to suck it up & put out ;) Try not to feel too discouraged -at least he's willing to do it "if he has to".
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 5:04pm
Stress can cause a lot of issues, it sounds like he does have a lot in his life right now. Has he considered seeing a doctor for a physical to make sure that nothing else could be off with his body?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 3:02pm

That was the first thing I asked him, since it made the most sense. He said it is still something he deffinantly wants. He did say he has some worries about financials (he needs a new car and while he'll finance it, its still a couple hundred dollars), even though we are better off now then when our daughter was born. I also know that he's been a little stressed out with some things at work and then with our families. But would that have any effect on all of this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 2:12pm
Hi Manddande. Is your DH fully on board with TTC? That might be the first conversation to have with him. Maybe he's having hesitations about it but doesn't want to come out and tell you? Other than the possibility of something being physiologically going on, that's where I would start. Have you already talked to him about it?
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