A little indepth

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
A little indepth
2
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 11:38pm
We're trying to conceive and also trying to be patient but it has come to some panic. I have been married now for almost three years and have been trying to get pregnant (off and on) But relly been trying for the past year. My husband says that he hasn't ejaculated once during our sexual intercourse (he said he only remembers or recalls one time) He admits to masturbating several times a week and he said that he can ejaculate then. How can I help him ejaculate. I am shy about touching his member and I don't really like him touching me in my private area either (except with his penis when having sex) I don't know maybe it's because I was brought up that sex is just part of marriage like cooking or washing the dishes are. any suggestions on how to help my man perform better during sex?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
In reply to: bthon
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 4:49am
Hiya :) As everyone else will tell you, there is no question too personal here. The way a person was raised really does have alot to do with their attitudes about everything as they get older. My first impulse is to tell you what you're missing out on by not being more creative in that department. It can be sooo much fun Whats surprising is that your DH isn't trying to get more out of the, ahem, bedroom. A healthy sex life is really important for a healthy marriage. When you do have children and they ask about it, what impression do you want them to grow up with... bad or just a part of marriage or fun and healthy?

I'm no Dr. Ruth but I would think before you can let anything other than intercourse happen, you need to be comfortable with your own body. I know it can be embarrassing at first but until you discover yourself, how can you let anyone else discover you? Besides, checking your CP is a part of charting (if you're doing that). Once you're comfortable with that, I would get something sexy and make a night of it. Maybe use some imagination when it comes to his "member"... lollipop maybe? There are lots of flavors you could experiment with during your non-fertile time. This is not everyone's taste but if you need help with creativity, rent a movie and watch it together. That will get him going, believe me!

The main thing is if he isn't excited enough about your sex life and is not ejaculating, you won't ever conceive. Its up to both of you, but you need to let him express himself in the bedroom too and that means you will need to loosen up a bit. Relax and enjoy it. I promise, if he's gentle with you, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Hope some of this helps as this is my first time wearing the Dr. Ruth hat hehe

Good luck and keep us posted!

Kathy

TTC #1

C3 5dpo

Kathy & Liliane Avery (Lily) Dickens

Born  9-1-04 via scheduled C Section (breech ba

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: bthon
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 12:32pm
Hi,

Your problem is not uncommon. Many women are raised that they should be "good girls", meaning sex is something that is bad and should only be had to (as you said) be a good wife or to make a baby.

Sex is a wonderful expression of love. It can also be sexy/naughty/fun. For many of us, our upbringing, be it religious beliefs, the community we grew up in, or our parents and family, cause us to be restricted or embarrassed about sex.

I am sure you love your DH, and I am sure he loves you. While you may have some embarrassment at first, take it slow. Try something new each time. Your love for each other will help you overcome fear/embarassment.

If you continue to have trouble, see a counselor. Explore your feelings about sex and why/how you have come to this point.

Believe me, once you are able to overcome this (and you can!), you will not only get pg, you and your DH will have some mighty powerful, satisfying sex!

TEE